I just need to get through this moment and .... whatever therapeutic pat answer comes to mind helps me through the moment.
Abusive yet philanthropic older brother who has mother's approval for his "discipline" of me as a young girl/teen/woman. When discussion of his inappropriate sexual behaviour with me, her dismissive answer is "oh, my brothers did that too."
My brother and I have a falling out ..... obviously!
My sister was in hysterics that I was going to show up at the same beach where she and my brother were camping because "he is going to lose it and I don't want my kids to be exposed to that".
I had been dis-invited from a younger brother's home because of my "issues with 'older brother'."
This that and other stuff led to a very bad phone call (typically some sort of guilt trip by her on me) between my mother and I. She called my husband and I names etc. etc.
I could no longer take the rejection of my family for bringing up the abuses, both physical and sexual, of my older brother after so many years.
I have refused to see or speak to my mother. My husband tears up any letters or anything that comes from her (toxic). She is now trying to turn my nieces and nephews against me. She tells them (9, 12 & 14) that I said such bad words to their dear Oma. I feel they are all I have left of family. If I lose relationship with my sister again and/or her children, then I am done for sure. Serious.
Last edited by Administrator; 08-20-2012 at 12:19 AM.
The following user gives a hug of support to GonnaBeOK: scarecrow447 (08-22-2012)
I know that you don't want to lose what little family you feel like you have left, but it seems to me that if your sister chooses to not allow you to see her kids or her anymore then she has chosen to enable your mothers lies in her childrens minds. Im not trying to sound negative because i know it's hard to just say they can have eachother im done when its your family, but I think you should really evaluate on whether or not that relationship is going to be more beneficial to your life than it is toxic. You can't control what others do but you can control how you react to it, if you fall apart then you lose. If you stand firm in what you believe and show strength then you win, not in the issue at hand but in life. Everything has a way of working itself out if you just do the next right thing. And one day when your nieces and nephews are grown up a little they will be able to decide for themselves who the real bad guy is. Im sorry this is happening to you and you have my best wishes that it works out good luck
You shouldn't be the one who's going to be 'done' if that happens, it would be her loss, not yours since you're the caring sister. If she really ends contact with you then you should be angry with her, not with yourself, because she allowed your mom to lie to them, she could confront you and ask you if you really said that? she could fight with you? she could do anything for the sake of your relationship, but if she does nothing then that means she doesn't want to fight for your relationship. remember, it would be HER loss, not yours!