Well basically, I don't have a lot of self-confidence, and sometimes I can get seriously angry with myself, to the point where I consider self-harm. I was moved around the country a lot as a child and I was bullied a lot. This bullying continued until I was a teenager, and only ended just in February this year, and it was physical, as well as verbal. I think this may have let my self-confidence gone down the drain, as in those years I was very timid and hurting a lot on the inside, and I was too afraid to stand up for myself or say anything. As well as this, I have recently suffered from bereavement too - a close family member died in November 2011, and during this grief I was incredibly low, almost suicidal. I began to really get angry at myself and once or twice tried to hurt myself by scratching at my neck or starving.
Although almost a year later and I have recovered from the grief (and no longer hurt myself) I still find myself very critical and judgemental of who I am, I have an awful habit of looking down on how I act or what I do. I've let this voice grow in my mind, this voice telling me I can't do anything or never will do anything. But it's strange, because my mind is also fighting against this voice, and it's gotten to the point where I want this negative voice out of my head so badly
- I've tried so many things, counsellors, advice - nothing's worked. I've spoken to my parents about it but nothing has worked at all. I'm really frightened that one day I'll end up ill or in hospital, or just waste my life altogether :'(
This may be a build-up of what I've been through for the last few years, but I really don't know what to do, I'm really stuck, and I'm scared. I need help.
Thanks a lot.