Let me sum this up as quickly as possible-- I am pretty sure I am going to be diagnosed with Bipolar 2 on Oct 29 this year.
I have been through a ROLLERCOASTER since I had my first child this past January. (Friday the 13th, to be exact!)
At first I thought it was just post-partum. Then I thought it was just the birth control they put me on.
Well in the last two weeks, my closest friend suggested to me maybe I was bipolar, because of the severity of what I was experiencing. I have been under the treatment of a psychiatrist, and soon will also be under the treatment of a psychologist. They keep switching my meds, and as of right now the only thing that keeps me from completely going NUTS on people is xanax. And even that only takes me down enough to just be able to control myself. I am terrified if I did not have that I would be fired or in jail or something because the intensity that I feel anger- and the RAPIDNESS that it hits me is so fast, so intense, my entire body reacts in about less than a second.
Since I was a teenager (I'm 29 now), I had been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I had so many things I did or thought, and I just assumed the specialists knew what they were talking about. Psychotherapy helped me more than any medicine ever did at that age. Completely changed my life.
Well back to modern day, my friend suggested bipolar so of course I googled this, and realized that reading about bipolar 2 sounded EXACTLY like me. It had never occured to me that the things I did or experienced were out of the ordinary. This has been going on for years, but what I BELIEVE has happened is that the constant stress I have been under the last few years (insanely long story), and the pregnancy, it finally just snapped something. I have done everything I could over the last few years to keep myself as level as I could. I'm not quite sure how successful I've been, but I did home therapies with hypnosis mp3's, etc, and would only have SOME episodes here or there which I had just thought were hormonally related.
At any rate, I started researching this more, reading posts, taking online tests, and I confided in my father. I then found out my brother had been diagnosed with Bipolar I. My dad has been diagnosed with Bipolar 2. At least one cousin on my dad's side is also diagnosed as bipolar, though I am not sure which one. I suspect very highly that people on my mothers side are not just bipolar, but completely nuts. ( ...they drive me insane.)
Reading the messages that people have posted in reference to bipolar 2, I now realize that I have shown symptoms of this at a VERY young age, and I think that what everyone did was just told me that I was "weird" and no one recognized that I was showing symptoms of any type of anxiety or mood disorder.
I am literally on the verge of tears as I type this, as for most of my life I grew up just thinking that I was "weird", when really there were other people who thought and did the same things that I did, and I wasn't "weird", I was normal but suffering from something that went unrecognized.
Why it never occurred to me that I might be bipolar, I'm not really sure. I guess I always just thought I was just moody.
But now that I see some of the thought processes, ideas, mood changes, etc, that people have gone through that qualify them as bipolar 2, I am relatively SURE that this is what the issue has been the entire time.
As of right now, I am on Celexa 20 mg, and .5 mg Xanax. My psychiatrist said that she wanted to see how I was after having stopped the birth control before she altered anything. This was as of Sept. 20th. Well I can tell you, since stopping birth control the DEEP depression has stopped, but I have been completely unable to control the intense anger and irritable phases, and just as quick I switch moods suddenly and I'm all wound up and happy, no concentration whatsoever, leg shaking, it's completely ridiculous. And then if something triggers a mood, I switch right back to being p'd off, and all that wound up energy has to be focused into something or I feel like i'm going to go crazy. Usually I just drink twisted teas and try to clean the crap out of everything lol.
Anyway I took one of the online tests and printed out the results to show my psychiatrist on the 29th to see what medicines she then would like to put me on. This is effecting my work life, home life, family life, EVERYTHING. Completely out of control. It feels like since I had my daughter everything has just gone down hill.
Has anyone else been through something like this? Any thoughts? I would appreciate any response.
Thank you so much