Have you ever..
Have you ever felt...stuck. Mentally stuck. Ever since I was about four or five, I would always feel like something or someone was watching me. Not in a creepy way, but just picking up my rooftop and looking in at my daily life. I always imagined how other kids at school lives were, what they did at home. I never really dreaded on the thought, it was just always there. I never told anyone, afraid they would not understand (typical huh?). Well, in one way, I pictured it as the little guy on the Super Mario games, with the camera that just flew around, you know? hahaha.
Well, long story short I suppose, lets not beat around the bush huh? Well, both of my parents were amazing. Drug addicts, but amazing. I remember quite a bit of things. My brother and sister, a lot more I am sure. But they did, coke, crack, drank, ect. My dad..He was very abusive to my mother. My sister and I were taken away at the ages of 7, and 11. Multiple times I had been molested by a cousin, who no one honestly took serious so I just surpassed it. I have always had a boyfriend that I can remember. Always. It got serious my eighth grade year, long distance. ( 6th grade-8th i was very depressed and shamelessly..i use to cut) Well 9th grade, same guy going towards 9th grade -Dated Austin Pot head, drinker, use to do meth, mother bad bad alchie. Got serious. Left him for John-10th/11th grade Went to jail for 2 years for stabbing a guy, pot head, had a son. dated two years. Had a miscarriage with Austin. Fell for John. Went with Tristan for about two weeks my senior year. Met Bryan-who is my present. IN four years, I have been single for 3 months.
Wow,. you dont have to keep going lol. Any ways, there is ALOT MORE.
I just dont want to make a story. I just feels tuck. I feel like i go into a litle girl state, I cant seem to "grow up". I feel mentally stuck in an age that I am years beyond, and everyone calls me out. They continue to rub in my face of how "immature" or how stupid i am. I cant seem to learn anymore...
IDK what to think or do.. I jusut go,, on a really bad auto pilot.