| | Off Zoloft for 2 weeks, extreme scary low mood?
Hi, I tapered off Zoloft from 150 down to 75, 50, 25, and then finally 0, over the span of a few months (so nothing too abrupt). I was on it for a year, originally at 200 but down to 150 half a year into it bc I was experiencing side effects (and it wasn't working miracles anyway).
It's been 2 weeks now since going from 25 to being off it completely, and the worst of the withdrawal seems to be over (thank God! almost no more brain shivers, flu-like feelings, or the unbeatable insomnia) but the one major concerning symptom I'm left with is extreme scary low mood shifts that come at least twice a day.
Does anyone have experience with Zoloft withdrawal or any ideas?? I'm scared this could be my actual PTSD/messed up head and eating disorder rather than withdrawal, but hoping its withdrawal and my body and brain will balance out! Help!
I get these scary feelings of death, like I don't have reason to be thinking that way except that I'm a failure/too weak or just hopeless, and then I get mad at myself and want to self-harm (which I haven't done in half a year, and only did once then, hadn't done for a year before that) but I'm tired of fighting. When will this hell be over? It's so hard to recover (from awful feelings that come on, scared-like, hard to describe, not quite panic but sometimes lasting a day, and low mood and this pull to fail at everything because I'm too upset and can't live much with everything that's happened trauma-wise/with having gotten so messed up by focusing on trauma in the hospital because I was sick with malnourishment) and I feel like I've tried EVERYTHING. I'm weird and suck at life. My personality isn't right and I've always had problems.
Should I try another med? None have ever really done too much for me. Prozac made me sleep too late when I was younger, Trileptal or Abilify made me scared and a zombie (worse panic feelings of detachment), Zoloft either made me a little more anxious or it was a trade-off and didn't help enough, Effexor made me a zombie, and benzos cause too many mood shifts and not enough benefit. They stop helping as much after just a few uses in a row.
Sorry to write so much...please be serious. Any advice is appreciated. I don't have any personality disorders and I've done well one other time in my life off all med, so maybe I'm just doing bad because the change is still affecting me?? It is better than it was right when I first tapered off.
I'm just having a lot of trouble with my eating disorder, it's like an addiction that directly influences my mood and I feel self-hate when I'm upset about other things because I'm in therapy for repeated abuse and there are issues to do with that and another trauma that affect me, maybe more than they should, so I take it out on myself, even when I don't want to. It's just so scary every time I try to overcome it, and that sounds stupid but it's not the normal kind of fear–it's this overwhelming reality that's too hard to face. I always fall apart. Even after a year of treatment! Should I just keep my eating disorder but try not to die? Or is that fear of self-destruction maintaining my panic? Should I try to get serious help? (That scares me because I don't want to be stuck in the hospital or away from life again.) It seems like professionals in the eating disorder field all have their own theories but no proven solution for any individual situation anyway…some told me to go after the abuser legally but don't understand that the legal system for that is just impossibly difficult. Try to get better physically but then probably break down more emotionally when 'm trying to finish college because my major really is a passion of mine and my classes do still go well, and if it weren't for these health issues they'd be even greater? I'm trying to forget about the past and trauma. I don't know what to do.