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Old 12-16-2012, 06:47 AM   #1
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Possible Bipolar and Relationship instability

Hi everyone. I have been diagnosed with Depression, OCD, anxiety, and an eating disorder that is in remission. More recently, I am starting to worry that maybe I have a mild form of Bipolar Disorder. I have been researching and reading as much as possible. I don't really fit most of the criteria though. I do have episodes of depression, as well as a few normal days where I feel good, but not amazing. I don't think I've ever had any day where I feel wonderful, elated, or abnormally confident about myself. I do not exhibit impulsive or risky behaviors and never really have. My sleep patterns are very normal and I always sleep quite well (atleast 8-9 hours a night). However, in the last year, I have had flucuations in mood and emotional instability a few different times, sometimes lasting a few days or a few weeks. For some reason it tends to focus on my relationship with my boyfriend whom I have been with for 2 years. I will become very indifferent and confused about my feelings for him. My mind will turn and turn about whether I love him, want to be with him, if he is right for me, etc. I become very sensitive, emotional, and depressed. I begin having crying spells and my energy levels dip. One minute I think I want to break up with him, the next minute I say no. When I'm with him, I don't enjoy our time together anymore and I make a big deal out of small things. He has been SO supportive and patient with me, never giving up. Finally, after another whirlwind of emotional instability and crying spells for the last month, I told him yesterday that I want to take a break. I DO love him. I cherish everything we have had together. However, as we have gotten more serious and discussed the future, I have become very hesitant and anxious. I am worried I won't be happy in the future or I will make the wrong choice. I question myself and think "How do I know this is right or how do I know he is the right one for me." Now I'm certainly coming off as someone just dealing with anxiety and OCD, as up to this point we have attributed all these things to my OCD and over-analyzing/worrying. However, most recently, my moods have been SO low with a few days in between of more energy, productivity, and optimism that I'm scared maybe I have a mild form of bipolar. My point of this post is to ask if Bipolar can cause instability in relationships. Basically, I went from being in love, excited for the future, hinting about getting engaged, and fantasizing about moving in with him to being completely confused and unhappy, all within a few days starting about 5 weeks ago. The last couple weeks have been full of crying spells, hopelessness, indecision, and even suicidal thoughts (just passing thoughts, not active). I should also mention about 5 weeks ago I increased my prozac dose from 60mg to 65mg and I swear it might have triggered some of this instability. I only stayed on the 65mg for about a week and a half, then went back to 60mg. What does this sound like to you? Sometimes I feel so up and down and all over the place that it seems like Bipolar but again, I don't really fit most of the criteria for Hypomanic episodes. Any input would be appreciated.

 
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Old 12-16-2012, 07:31 AM   #2
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Re: Possible Bipolar and Relationship Instability

Personally I think that upping your meds has a lot to do with what you're experiencing.
My Dad had bipolar 2, which doesn't cycle in its highs and lows as quickly, but is still considered bipolar disorder.
I want you to consider that your feelings have nothing to do with mental illness. Maybe your feelings have changed. Maybe you are realizing that you are not in that head space of first love, anymore. Maybe it's important for you to wonder if your boyfriend is "the one", or if he is not. I guess what I'm saying is that maybe your gut is trying to tell you something that your head won't accept, so you are trying to "blame" it on maybe being bipolar. It's the human experience that we are going to have conflicting feelings, at times. I've been married for decades, and I love my husband, but I still have days and weeks where I wonder if I've made the right choice. I think most people have that thought from time to time.

 
Old 12-16-2012, 08:06 AM   #3
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Re: Possible Bipolar and Relationship Instability

Quote:
Originally Posted by slenderella View Post
Personally I think that upping your meds has a lot to do with what you're experiencing.
My Dad had bipolar 2, which doesn't cycle in its highs and lows as quickly, but is still considered bipolar disorder.
I want you to consider that your feelings have nothing to do with mental illness. Maybe your feelings have changed. Maybe you are realizing that you are not in that head space of first love, anymore. Maybe it's important for you to wonder if your boyfriend is "the one", or if he is not. I guess what I'm saying is that maybe your gut is trying to tell you something that your head won't accept, so you are trying to "blame" it on maybe being bipolar. It's the human experience that we are going to have conflicting feelings, at times. I've been married for decades, and I love my husband, but I still have days and weeks where I wonder if I've made the right choice. I think most people have that thought from time to time.
And I'm so scared of it actually being that. I have such high expectations and wanted this to last forever. He is my first love and first serious boyfriend. We have shared a lot of firsts together and I wanted him to be the only one for me. I don't feel like we've really given it our all yet though. I mean for the last two years our relationship has consisted of seeing each other 2-3 times a week, usually once during the week and during the weekend. I have worked up to spending the night 1-2 nights too. So I can't really be sure it would work between us just by judging from what we have been doing. At the same time, my heart doesn't seem like it wants to let go. I know I don't want to end the fairytale but at the same time I do still care about him and can't fathom the idea of not being with him or him being with someone else. It breaks my heart. I'm hoping some time apart will help me sort through my thoughts and figure out what I really want. When it comes down to it, he has very similar morals and life values as I do and that is very important to me. Some of our personality traits conflict at times and that has caused us tension. However, I believe that could be worked on by both of us. I just feel like maybe I'm so unhappy inside that I'm unable to experience the happiness in our relationship anymore. I've been through this a few other times in the last year. It would come on suddenly if we had a disagreement or he did something I didn't like. I would be in doubt for a few weeks, cry nonstop, battle with myself, etc. Then, it would settle down and go away. I would then feel happy and in love again. Only this time it's lasted longer and it's been more intense. I feel like this: sure I could find another guy that maybe likes to go to the gym like I do and is a neat freak like me, but he could be a drinker or like to party (which I don't) or he could be untrustworthy. My boyfriend loves me so much (He even cried yesterday with me), and I don't think I could EVER find a more loyal and patient guy who puts up with my crap. I think I have some maturing and growing to do as an individual. I'm only 23 and don't feel like I am ready to make a big commitment to him. I'm scared of that. Of making the wrong choice. Of it not working out, etc. I haven't talked to him for almost 24 hrs and it's driving me nuts. I keep checking my facebook messages. ahhhhh!

 
Old 12-19-2012, 03:22 PM   #4
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Re: Possible Bipolar and Relationship instability

Hi, Usmiss.

I'm sorry to hear that things are going so terribly. Manic Depression is quite reliant on the 'manic' part of the disorder, as far as diagnosis criteria is concerned. Without at least one prolonged period of dancing atop buildings, you probably won't be classed as 'bipolar.'

On the other end of the bipolar spectrum is 'depression,' which you might qualify for (generalized depression or major depression)... which is certainly worth talking to a doctor about, especially if it's exacerbating your anxiety about your relationship.

Be well, and please take care.
-Cian

 
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