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Old 12-23-2012, 08:37 PM   #1
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leigha HB User
An honest post... just want answers!

I am moody...but mostly it rotates between generally good mood to very angry mood. It can rotate in a day maybe more than once. My anger can be overwhelming. I can be irritable and short or I can scream because you irritated me. I can scream ugly words to you and go off. Then I might cry..when I calm down I feel regret and pain that I might have caused to you. I feel bad. My sleep is disturbed by waking up in the middle of the night and being unable to go back to sleep...I lie awake with my mind racing. I go through stages of this. Sometimes I sleep good then I start doing the waking up thing again.

Since I was in high school I knew that I feel deeply. If I am upset and crying(over an argument with a significant other) it has to be resolved right then....I will NOT let it go or stop until I feel things are okay. If mean things are said to me that I can't deal with I immediately think I want to die. I want to no longer live because I can't deal with that moment. In high school I felt I wanted to cut my own leg and did(not badly) because of a boyfriend. I am on my 4th marriage and probably 30-40th job. I have now cheated on 3 out of 4 of my husbands. My current one I have not. I have been better about holding a job the last few years but not great. I am on my 4th month in this one..I even had one for 3 years before. I cook dinner, mostly keep a nice home and basically live a normal looking life. Noone I work with would ever EVER know these things. My confidence goes from usually very LOW to sometimes soaring...but the soaring confidence never sticks around too long because I will find things I hate about myself pretty quick. In all honesty I don't know what I look like half the time...I feel like I need to look in the mirror and either reassure myself I'm ugly or beautiful depending on the day. Most of the time I think something is wrong with everyone else and not me.

I forced myself to write this as honestly as possible

I am so un-trusting.I look for clues to everything and anything my husband could be doing and I always think he is cheating on me. I am not always so bad but I have my days or weeks that I feel like I need to “watch my back” with him. He might lie to me and I have to really keep an eye out for it.

I am not diagnosed with anything. I am not on medication for anything. I know I have anxiety(low)occasionally and I”ve tried anti-depressants before but not for long...I don't like how I feel on meds. I am posting to see if I have a screwed up personality, if I could have something wrong with me or if I just need to stop acting so crazy...I am a smart woman and I don't know why I even have these issues...but I've been accused of having bipolar disorder...does this even fit that at all?

 
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Old 12-29-2012, 12:17 PM   #2
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Re: An honest post... just want answers!

Hello leigha.

I don't think you sound crazy or have a screwed up personality. You sound very aware of yourself and the problems you're experiencing.

I think it's certainly possible you might have bipolar disorder. The rapid change from feeling good to angry, the lack of temper control, thoughts about death, difficulties with sleeping, self-confidence going from very poor to incredibly high are all potential symptoms of bipolar disorder.

When treating bipolar disorder with medication, just taking anti-depressants may not only be useless, but counterproductive. Instead, I think a mood stabilizer is prescribed first and then possibly an anti-depressant in conjunction with the mood stabilizer to treat the depression phase of the bipolar disorder. I'm not sure about mood stabilizers, but I know anti-depressants can take a while to work and can cause a number of unpleasant side-effects. If you decide to go on medication and can find the right combination of medication, it can really help with taking the edge off the intensity of the symptoms you experience.

If you haven't already, I suggest talking to your doctor about whether you're suffering from bipolar disorder or not.

 
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