1, Parents divorced and remarried 4 times each - 8 parents - feel I've had no foundation
2. Bio dad just died - his brothers found me, but Bio Dad did not want anything to do with me. He adopted a daughter. Should I contact her? Also, I've learned my maternal grandmother had a double mastectomy and died from ovarian cancer.
3. 10 years of infertility - twin daughters - died daily (preemies) - night terrors + much more related to this (PTSD) - less I not forget the hyperstimulation to my ovaries during fertility treatments.
4. Brother killed himself. I found him. Haunts me.
5. 18 year marriage ended. Would have bet millions we never would have divorced. We did. He had extramarital affair with my boss's wife. Made me lose my job. Spent 5 years in therapy with him. To no avail. I'm still heartsick over it.
6. diagnosed bipolar.
7. Mother diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's (ALS). I left my home, twins, job, friends 800 miles away to come care for her. Have I made the right decision. Afraid of Abandonment issues with twins (13). Only seen them twice in 10 months. NEVER been away from them before.
8. I have 2 psychiatrists and a therapist here and a psychiatrist at home where my life is/was. I'm on Effexor, Lamictal, Abilify, Aderall and Blood Pressure meds.
Diagnosed with bipolar I, PTSD, Night Terrors, ADHD, Panic Disorder, Narcolepsy, High Blood Pressure.
Am I going crazy? I wonder. iS THIS LIFE OR DO I REALLY HAVE ALL THESE DIAGNOSES? I used to volunteer, being socially involved in everything. I want Nothing to do with people now.
I remembered during infertility joining an online group that was extremely supportive - hence, why I'm here. All these things have occurred only in the past 5 years to a month ago. Wouldn't know where to begin to work on any of this. Thought leaving it behind was a good place since out of my control anyway, but it really is affecting my quality of life now.
Any advice? I'll take anything to heart.