It is difficult when someone you loved passed away before your eyes. There is nothing you can do to help apart from being there, hold their hands and talked to them. You may not be prepared about whats going to happen and you don't want them to go but when you see them suffering, you'd wished that God will take them HOME.
My husband aged 73, passed away on 20th July at St Anns Hospice, England. I was with him and all the children when he died. He was diagnosed in May this year and I couldn't still believed that its only just over two months since he was diagnosed with the illness and we thought with his very positive attitude he will be able to stay with us a little longer. I looked after my husband since the day he couldn't look after himself. We had two teenage children. I wasn't ready for him to go, I know I was being selfish but that's how I feel at the time. The day before he died, I know there was something wrong as he didn't want to lie in bed, and fall asleep. I whispered in his ears to let All his worries to God who is in control of everything, and Not worry about us, as the same God will look after all our needs when he's gone. A few minutes later he took ALL his oxygen off and just breathe on his own, he died peacefully at 8.20AM next day, 20th July 2007.
I'm still mourning for my husband, and I must admit without the children on my side I will be devasted. I thank the Lord for the strength he has given us all, the pain will ease in time, I know. It is a terrible disease and may soon there is a long term cure for this illness for the benefit of other sufferers and their families. God bless us all.
The Following User Says Thank You to SueG59 For This Useful Post: msracquelle (09-03-2012)
I wanted to let you know how much your posting touched me and how you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. My father is suffering from this disease. He was diagnosed in February of 2006 and had been receiving chemotherapy treatments up until a couple of weeks ago when he took a PET scan and it was discovered that the cancer had spread to his abdomen and liver.
We know that he came in contact with asbestos over 60 years ago when he was a teenager and left home to work in the Brooklyn Navy Yard and then enlisted (underage and without parental permissions) in the U.S. Navy to fight in WWII. He is one of the most generous, kind, loving and intelligent men I know.
My mother and father left their home in Florida and moved up to the New York area so that my dad could be treated by a specialist at NYU Medical Center. They have lived in our home for the past 18 months and I and the rest of our family are grateful to have had this time together. I am so frightened now as to what will happen next. He will start a new treatment regimen this week but we all see a difference in him. He is fatigued, his weight down, he seems sullen and depressed. I want to be strong for him but I am afraid I am weak and selfish also. I want my daddy to be here forever. I don't want him to suffer but even as a 50 year old mother of a strong, 20 year old college student and athlete I need my dad. I believe G-d has a plan for him but I am afraid I am not going to be able to follow His rules. I am crying all the time (outside of my dad's presence). I try to function as best as I can and do all I can to support my father and of course my mother but feel totally inadequate. My husband has been amazing and my father has enjoyed having his family and his grandchildren around him. I think of all he might have wanted to do with his life. What sacrifices has he made for me and my sister? How can I repay him? How can I let him know how much he matters to us and how he has made his mark on the world. No one deserves this. He always tries to make the nurses, doctors and other patients feel better.
Please forgive me for rambling. I somehow share in your loss. We are all a family. I am so sorry for what your husband had to go through. G-d bless you all. Please do not hesitate to respond if you feel like talking.
Hello Stacey, it is so encouraging for you to reply and share our loss. I'm sure it is difficult for you too! You have to be strong, sometimes it is easy to say that but remember I've been there. I'm so much younger than my husband, he was 73 when he died and I am 48 imagine the burdens I had to bear? Our children (23 and 17) are more stronger than I am as they are my comfort and my strength (but God has given me those already!) I have to sort things out myself but thanks to the family around me, the memories my husband had left us and the times we shared together was so precious. Thank God for those memories.
When he was diagnosed, it was just like we have to accept all those things that 's been said to us. We knew there was no cure for his illness and Chemo was a no-no. We just had to take one day at a time as far as his treatment was concerned. With regards to your father, just be there and do the usual thing you have been doing before all these, make him laugh and talk about your time together or anything but his illness. He will tire easily depending on the strength of his medications but rest assured that whatever the medical people are given him will be for his own benefit and the rest is up to God.
It is nice sharing our thoughts and it helps to ease the burden we are facing in our lives at the moment. I am learning how to drive as I never driven before (my husband did all that) but yes I do miss him and still cry a lot and that helps...........
Susan - it was so good to hear from you - especially right now. It is almost 2 in the morning here and we had to leave my dad in the hospital today. We did not expect this. We took him into the city for a treatment and as he hadn't been feeling well the past few days, we thought the doctor would give him a few shots and send him home. After his blood was drawn, his counts were so off (way too high or too low), he was admitted in order to determine if there is some infection in his body. I have to admit that we were surprised, but not shocked, since we have seen this happen before. We are coming upon the Labor Day Holiday weekend here and I just hope that he gets the care he needs in the hospital.
What bothers me so much is that he keeps talking about what a "burden" he is to us all. If we could only convince him that the burden of this disease of course is on him - and we only wish we could do more for him.
I am so thrilled for you that you have taken your first driving lessons. This is a huge accomplishment for you and certainly one that must have taken a lot of courage. These are the steps which we need to focus on - moving forward and continuing our lives which our loved ones would want for us. I know my dad is constantly saying all he wants is for us to be happy. A tough thing to hear and to act on at this point.
Please take care of yourself and know I am thinking of you. I am trying very hard although it is not easy to take it one day at a time and I appreciate the advice you gave me about how to talk to dad. You and your family are in my prayers.
Stacey, thanks for your email. I will be thinking of you and family at this time. I know how difficult it must have been for you, and to face the truth is not easy, but you have to prepare yourselves for the worst. You still have your dad so just be there and even just to hold his hands is good enough. I will remember all of you in my prayers and will speak to you soon. Sorry this is a short one but remember be strong for your father! God bless you all. Love, Susan
i lost my sister-in-law to this terrible mesothelioma,she was 50.she was told in the oct and died the following june,she would not have any chemo.
she lived in a small village,and we all think that back in the 60's some schools had extensions built with asbestos roofs, or silly as it may sound, she used an ironing board with a asbestos iron rest on it!
it is so dreadful,and all you can do is as others say, take each day as it comes, if it is a good day, make the most of it,if a bad day, show your love.
i feel so, for all of you going through family trauma at the present,bless you all.
Thank you for your comment. It was terrible to watch and I still feel the pain that my husband had gone through during those brief yet very painful days of his life, I wouldn't wish that to happen to anyone. I hope you're all been blessed with the happy memories your sister in law left you as it is the only way to go forward. I'm still on a healing process myself but each day is a step forward to getting better! Thinking of you and God bless. X