Hi all my husband was enlisted in Marine Recon during Desert Storm and he suffers from so much that I really have a hard time understanding it all at times. Though a lot of the posts I have read seem at times to be far more serious than some of the problems that he has, I sometimes wonder if there may be a lot that he doesn't tell me about. He has nightmares pretty much every night as well as many sleepless nights, he has told me that here as of lately he is seeing people in his nightmares that he is not sure where they are coming from. He has told me that he is remembering alot of things that are only in bits and pieces and some of it scares the hell out of him. He knows he has experienced some of it but he does know where or even why. He has breathing problems as well as memory loss for some of the simplest things at times. Some of his teeth are rotting away for no apparent reason at all. He takes such good care of his teeth that he should have the best ones around. He suffers from severe dandruff that is very hard to control. As well as the joint pain in his whole body. He has always told me he tries to suppress as much of his service time as he can, but every once in awhile he will talk about some of the things that he feels or remembers or has been through. It is so traumatic to him, he tries to be as tough about it as he can and deal with it but here lately it seems he is fighting this demon even more it is starting to really affect our marriage and I wish there were something that I could do. He is SCARED to death to go to doctors for fear that they will tell him he has some form of cancer or other disease that he will have to receive treatment for that will make him worse. He says he doesn't feel he could deal with that. He very rarely will even take a pill for headaches and relies on more herbal remedies to help with things rather then over the counter or prescriptions. I really feel that he has just suppressed some of these things for so long that they are starting to catch up with him and haunt him even worse. He is such a strong headed person and this is just really trying to get the best of him. I don't know what to do, he knows I support him if he wanted to ever get help but he just won't do it. He has told me that he feels the gov't has taken some of his memory,(a.k.a the manchurin canidate) He is just so unsure of so much, but other things that he is sure of are just amazing per say. I just always wondered if there was anyone else who suffered from maybe the same things or a spouse of someone who suffered from the same things. I just feel some kind of support would maybe help for a better understanding of what I can do for him to help him. His whole life has been so traumatic, but that war really got the best of him. I support all of our men and women who were there and are there, but I really feel for all that suffer from it. Really makes a person think about whether it is worth it or not!! Thanks for listening
I have PTSD (Post Traumatic Styndrome). Basically it probably is about the same thing as Gulf Sydrome. I am a police officer, 3 years ago I had something traumatic happen to me at work and since then I suffer from the same things you said your husband has.
I have trouble falling and staying asleep. Many times I have to take something to sleep. I have nightmares. Most of them have something to do with what happened. As far as his breathing problems it could possibly be one of two things, 1-he may be having some kind of anxiety/panic attack or 2- they had that chemical they used over there (not sure what it's called), he may have problems from that. Anyone please correct me if I'm wrong.
I have horrible memory problems, I used to have a great memory but not anymore.
Just my opinion but I would tell your husband to go to a V.A. clinic. As I said some of the symptoms he has may have to do with the chemicals they used there.
He may not like this idea but support groups or counseling may ease alot of his stress.
Sounds like PTSD for sure, at least in part. PTSD can interfear with sleep a lot. lack of sleep will mess you up bad. Stresses your heart, mind, your whole body. Let alone the extra feelings hes got to be dragging about with him that he likley is not comfortable sharing with anyone. He needs to talk to someone. Here in MA we have VetCenters that are not realy part of the VA but see vets for free they specialize in this kinda stuff. See if the local VA can point you twords something like that.
Now as far as being afraid of finding out hes got something like cancer.... This will sound rash but I cant recall any other way to put it. Tell him to stop playing grunt and get his but to the doc. If he does and I stress IF have cancer or some other such ailment his odds of beating it only improve by finding out sooner than later. More likly than not they will find little they can do to help other than meds, they do make things a might more managable, so when all is said and done he has nothing to loose and evrything to gain by going. If he wants/needs a good chewin tell em to drop me a line!
Thanks for your responses, they seem so helpful, I have tried so hard to get my husband to get some kind of counseling or treatment and he refuses. He doesn't have a lot of faith in the VA because it is goverment and he feels he was so done so wrong by the goverment for putting the things in his body they did before going to the gulf and plus all of the things that he went through or may have experienced while there. He needs some help so bad and it seems like the more he tries to supress it the worse that his whole being becomes. I don't know what to do. He has left me twice now because he thinks he is the bad person in the relationship that is tearing us apart. It is the things in his mind that is affecting us. The long hours and stress of his job that he is so dedicated to just add to the stress he is already carrying from lack of sleep, nightmares, or anything else that may be bothering him. He tries so hard to forget his past in the service but I honestly believe it will be what kills him. I realize he has got to won't to help himself before he will actually do it. But how do I convince him of that and not to let it be to late before he does it? I read so many of these posts and think of how so many of you are dealing with the same circumstances and just wonder how was it that you came to terms with what was wrong with you and decided to find the help or see who else suffers from the same things and where to begin to take control of it in a sense?
PS Thanks Bud for the reply, if I could ever get my husband to contact you I will certainly make sure that he does. Maybe you can help him make some better sense of what he needs to do to help himself.
Insist he sees a doctor. No, not nag-->INSIST! Put your foot down. "This is how it is and what you're going to do. Period. I'm worried for you, you are worried for yourself but you aren't acting on it. Now you're going to because it's the RIGHT THING TO DO." Tell him you will go with him even if it means only staying in the waiting room.
His sleeplessness should be addressed ASAP and can be done with Ambien. Getting good sleep for several nights in a row will help alleviate the edginess and stress which helps people think more rationally. It will kill the nightmares for a bit too.
But, nightmares are just the unconscious mind trying to resolve internal conscious stresses. He just needs to understand that they aren't something to fight or fret over, but a result of his mind clearing out a bunch of junk. Sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it doesn't, and sometimes it's just triggered by too much spicy food.
If he wants to forget his past in the service, let him. He won't ever really completely forget, but he needs to see it for what it is: one chapter in the story book of his life. And it's a chapter that is for the most part done. He only needs to close it and begin writing new ones for himself now.
Hi jli76 and welcome to the boards........I agree with dioppressolibre, you need to insist that he does see a doctor. You're doing the right thing........your there for him and believe me I know how important that is. Go with him and learn everthing you can about what is going on so you can help him through this. I understand his feeling about the Vet Centers but he can see a private doctor and probably get better treatment anyway. But most importantly he needs to see a doctor. Give him a Semper Fi from me.........I too was a Recon Marine - did two tours in Vietnam 1965 - 1966. Good luck and keep us posted on his progress.
Your husband sounds like he has the same as my husband PTSD and alot more .. My husband experoances that same thing. all thought his nightmares are far an few between he is ahving alot of medical problems.. i feel as you and many others that these soldiers where used and abused by the system and the goverment.. its funny im Canadian married to American our Canadian soldiers where send of to gulf war and them in turn are having syptoms mush the same as the Us soldiers and much the same the Canadian goverment say they have no proof of what was the cause..But i do know one thing the Canadian Goverment has acknowledge the fact and are looking after there soldiers very well.My Question is what the hell is up with the Us goverment .All the preching and promisses to protect and look after our Vet adn soldiers is to no avail the us goverment has done **** for the men and woman who have served there country like asked.Took there stupid experimental Drugs and for what to get a slap in the face when they need help cause there now sick..As for the Va im not sure what side if the fence those idiots are sitting on.....I think there is alot of fighten left to do from the vets , soldiers and there familys and this fight will be worse then the gulfwar that put them in this situation..At the point where i am today is as my nic says Im one ****** off wife and my goal is to hit as much media as i can to let this hiden secert be know to the world that now has freedom to go about life Cause of our brave men and woman