Bostonmom

This was my 3rd pregnancy. I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old. It took us a year to conceive this time. Prior to conception, I had seen an endocrinologist and learned via an HSG,that I had "persistent polyps throughout the uterine cavity". The plan was that I would call the endocrinologist on day 1 of my next cycle and that he would perform a hysteroscopy on day 5 - 9 of my cycle. Well, it turned out I never got that cycle and I was pregnant.

I was a nervous reck for some reason. I had a new ob. I decided I didn't need the endocrinologist to follow me b/c our issue was resolved, we were pregnant. Anyway, I was so happy at the 8 1/2 week mark when we had an ultrasound and saw the baby and the heartbeat was strong. I had such bad morning sickness they gave me medicine to help with nausea - which I only took once.

When I went in for my next appt, they couldn't get the heartbeat. They did another ultrasound and that baby had died. The dr said it probably happened at the 10 week mark. I had a d&c on Friday and I am still terribly upset. I keep thinking - why? How could the baby be fine at 8 1/2 weeks and two weeks later be gone? How? What did I do? The dr told me repeatedly there is nothing I did or could have done. But my mind just won't believe that.

When I was pregnant with my son I bled from 12 weeks to almost 18 weeks due to what they said was a placental abruption. Now I am wondering if there is a problem with my placental build up or progesterone or something.

I have to get it together b/c I have 2 beautiful children to take care of. I am so profoundly sad that some moments, it hurts to even breathe. My husband is wonderful and very supportive, but he is much more of a "look forward" not back type of person. I, on the other hand, sit here feeling empty and reflecting on what was supposed to be.

I just found this site - I'm wondering if anyone has found anything that has helped them cope with this type of loss?