Scared! - Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

ASDGRMama · 05-30-2005, 09:16 PM

Hello! For those of you who don't know. I had a miscarriage in November (baby died at 17 weeks) and two more since then; one in December and another in April (also had one in 2000 and one in 2002 with healthy pregnanies immediately following each one)

The last miscarriage was 7 weeks ago. I didn't ovulate afterwards, had an ovarian cyst burst and my HCG levels are still 14 as of last week.

I had my first period last week (lasted 9 days and ended on Tuesday). My cycles are normally 35 days and I ovulate on the 21st day. Well, I ovulated a week early (yes, I'm absolutely positive). By the time I realized I was ovulating it was too late we had already had intercourse. I have NEVER had sex within three days of ovulation without becoming pregnant. We were hoping to wait until August or September to start trying again. I just started thyroid treatment five weeks ago and we were hoping to get my levels stabilized.

I have always been confident that my pregnancies would go well (even the ones that didn't) but this time I am really scared. I do *not* want to go through another miscarriage. The last one was horrendous emotionally and mentally. I basically holed myself up in my house for several weeks. I talked to no one. For the first time in a month I ventured out to church Sunday and felt social. Now I just want to hide again until I'm sure everything is going to be okay.

I have another blood draw for HCG the week of June 6th so I'll know for sure at that point. Not sure what my doctor is going to say! Hindsight is 20/20 and if I didn't want to be pregnant I should have used preventative measures I know but I honestly did not believe I was anywhere near ovulation. I'm kind of beating myself up over that.

There's nothing to do now but wait and that's the hardest part! I just wanted to share this with someone since there's no one I know that I really want to share it with (outside of my husband) yet. I don't mean to be so gloom and doom but I'm terrified of getting my hopes up yet again only to have them come crashing down! I just can't stand the thought of losing another baby. Five is too many I don't want to lose a sixth!

Love and Prayers, Kelly

weepyone · 05-31-2005, 05:14 AM

Kelly
sorry to hear about you bad experiences, i know no one can predict the future but take some happiness you are ok at the moment if you can. Isolating yourself will make you feel worse mood wise, so will thinking too much i know i am terrible at that too. goodluck everything crossed for you.
Donna

Jordyn · 05-31-2005, 09:07 AM

I agree. You need to make life as normal as possible and hope for the best. Put yourself in God's hands...he's the only one who decides these things anyway...or atleast that is what I believe.
Good luck, I'm praying for you.

ASDGRMama · 06-01-2005, 11:59 AM

Thank you so much for the replies.

Jordyn, I appreciated what you said. I trust that God is good. I've found my feelings to be so mixed at this point. I trust that He will work it all out for good towards me but I fear the pain, hormonal upheaval and emotional trauma of going through another miscarriage. I have peace about whatever the outcome but I fear the repercussions of it. Does that make any sense?

Love and Prayers, Kelly

Jordyn · 06-01-2005, 04:37 PM

Yep, it sure does...we Christians can say all we want that God is good and gives us wonderful things but when it isn't so wonderful it makes it hard to see that.
Today with a group of young ladies that I work with (I'm in education in a Catholic school) we were discussing God being with you in tough times. I used the example of Footprints and it suits the situation for you right now I think....Remember that at your toughest moments God carries you on his shoulders and bears your pain.
You had no control over your body doing wacky things...so don't beat yourself up over it. I sense that you have enormous strength and am sure that whatever happens you will see God's love and feel his strength.
God Bless and keep us updated.
In my prayers,
J