New Here...dealing with a lot - Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

EMH · 06-05-2005, 09:02 AM

I am new here, but I am not new to miscarriage. We had a daughter in July 1999. That was my first pregnancy, and it truly never occurred to me that I might not actually bring a baby home. It was a wonderful naivity. Our second baby was lost in October of 2000. Following that loss, I had a uterine infection which I suspect was the cause of our next problems. In March of 2001 I found out I was pregnant again. It was a Friday. On Monday I started bleeding. By all appearances I was losing the baby. It is a terribly long story so I will just give the very short version. I continued to bleed severely until 19 weeks when my water broke. Against all odds...my son was born at 29 weeks and survived. Please understand that I am beyond grateful for my daughter and my son. Without them I am not sure where I would be. The problem is that I miss my other children. In December 2002 we lost another baby. In October 2004 we lost another baby. In March 2005 we lost two babies. Due to this last loss and some very significant health changes for me due a strep infection in February this year, we will never ttc again.

I am still realing from all of it...particularily the last 6 months. I have been hospitlaized three times since February. It has caused major stress in my marriage and my job. I work in the same hospital where everything happened. It is very difficult to be there sometimes.

I guess I am just looking for people who can understand.

May 31st was the due date for the baby we lost in October last year. I wish I was nursing a newborn instead of looking online for help.

Thank you for letting me talk a little.

Michaela

Cupcake3 · 06-05-2005, 10:11 AM

Dear EMH,

You have really been through a lot and I feel your pain. You are very lucky to have had babies that are healthy. It must be difficult for you to work in the hospital. Are you going to see someone to talk to. Try not to make it too diffucult on your family as you have beautiful babies that need their parents. That was my first and I will be 37 in August. I just hope that I have the chance to do it again.

Keep talking to us as we are here for you. Try to do some happy things for yourself, like going for a massage, a walk in the park, getting your hair done, buying a new outfit. Just try and then the rest should fall in place.

Thinking of you with big HUGS!!!

take care
cupcake3..

EMH · 06-06-2005, 12:50 AM

Thank you. I am very thankful for my children. I would never take them for granted. I know very well what miracles they are. I think having them in some way makes me know even more what I am missing in the babies that we lost. I don't know if that makes any sense or not.

I am 38. We did not have our first until I was 33. I know you might be feeling like time is getting away from you, but I hope you do not lose hope. I certainly wish for you your miracle baby.

It is difficult to work in the hospital. Many times I can turn my emotions off and look at it as a job. Other times I am completely swept away by all the emotion surrounding new life, or death, or broken hearts.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk about it a little.

Michaela

oreothecat · 08-15-2005, 09:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EMH

Thank you. I am very thankful for my children. I would never take them for granted. I know very well what miracles they are. I think having them in some way makes me know even more what I am missing in the babies that we lost. I don't know if that makes any sense or not.

I am 38. We did not have our first until I was 33. I know you might be feeling like time is getting away from you, but I hope you do not lose hope. I certainly wish for you your miracle baby.

It is difficult to work in the hospital. Many times I can turn my emotions off and look at it as a job. Other times I am completely swept away by all the emotion surrounding new life, or death, or broken hearts.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk about it a little.

Michaela

Ya still out there? Haven't gotten an update lately. How's it going?