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Old 06-06-2005, 06:45 AM   #1
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Did you know you're supposed to save it?

Hello ladies,

I just wanted to share something I learned when I called my RE's office to let them know about the miscarriage I had, and to cancel my ultrasound apt. They asked me if I saved the embryo that passed ( I was 6 weeks along) I did stare at it for a long time, and wonder what I should do, but I didn't really think they would want it for anything, I thought of pulling it out of the toilet, and burying it or something. ( I know this is really gross, I'm sorry. ) It looked just like the pictures you see. It was really early this morning, and I think I was in shock, I knew I had miscarried, but I didn't think I would see it laying there like that. I wish I would have saved it so they could run thier tests and try and find out what went wrong.

After so many years of trying to conceive, I can't imagine starting the whole process over again. I think I will be so totally nervous and scared if I do get pregnant again, how do you overcome the fear of another miscarriage after you have gone through one?

Anyway, I guess I'm doing pretty well coping and grieving, I don't feel like I need to cry anymore. I still feel sad, and I'm a little suprised by the reactions I have gotten ( like when I called my ob/gns office to cancel my first prenatal visit ) they acted like it was nothing, didn't even say they were sorry. Just ignored the whole thing. It's strange, isn't it?

Ok, I just wanted to pass that along for anyone else who might wonder what to do with the tiny embryo/fetus that passes...

thanks to all of you who have offered your condolances, bless you.

~~heather~~

 
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Old 06-06-2005, 07:11 AM   #2
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Re: Did you know you're supposed to save it?

Heather,
I am so sorry for your loss. I knew/know you can save everything for testing, but like you I think I was in a state of shock the first time I miscarried. This is s difficult thing to go through. Many women are surprised by their own reactions and many have no idea what to do.
Thank you for sharing the very practical advice...even for a time such as this.
Thinking of you,
Michaela

 
Old 06-06-2005, 10:52 AM   #3
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Re: Did you know you're supposed to save it?

Hello Heather,

I am sorry for your loss. Even at six weeks you are starting to get excited.
You are holding up very strong and brave....

I guess everyone has a different reaction to the news. I could not believe it when I saw nothing on the ultrasound but a big empty sack and definitely no heart beat.

You will be fine. take care and find comfort in time for healing and try again.

take care
Cupcake..

 
Old 06-06-2005, 03:07 PM   #4
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Re: Did you know you're supposed to save it?

Hi Heather!
I am sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I had my first one a few weeks ago although I am still not totally sure that's what went on. When I called my Dr. they didn't say anything about saving anything..granted I was only 3.5 weeks along so there wasn't anything really to save but I was surprised they didn't say to even keep a record of what I did pass.
I had an ultrasound last week but they didn't let me see any of the pictures nor did the tech tell me anything. I am just hoping that means there is nothing to tell.
I really thought I was doing o.k. and like you I was sad but grieving well...at first. Then last weekend we went to a church retreat and my son was a grumpy little bear, I was tired and there was a new mom there with a tiny baby and I spent the better part of Sat. disappearing for crying bouts. I had really thought I was o.k. with the miscarriage and must have come off to many people like a cold fish. Now I realize that I was attached to that tiny life or atleast the hopes and dreams I had attached to it and suddenly I realized that I had lost out.
After that day I have been great again...no sad moments at all which is strange.
Anyone else have similar experiences, especially after an early miscarriage?

 
Old 06-06-2005, 03:49 PM   #5
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Re: Did you know you're supposed to save it?

I had a hard time with my miscarriage to. I did not even know was pregnant and was not trying I was just starting my birthcontrol and it was only my 2nd time having sex. So it came as a huge shock. Even though I did not want to be pregnant it still hurt really bad and it took a long time to convince myself that it was not my fault. I was lucky to have a very understanding boyfriend and it even hit him hard to. It does get better though it has been about 3.5 months and I am doing alot better although I do think about it some times and my boyfriend and I still talk about it and that helps.

 
Old 06-08-2005, 04:37 AM   #6
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Re: Did you know you're supposed to save it?

Hi,

I imagine that having a miscarriage after 4 years of ttc is a little bit different than having one when you were'nt really trying, or you didn't even know you were pregnant. The doctors keep consoling me by saying " See, at least you CAN get pregnant!" ~ and that is true, but it doesn't do me much good if I can't carry it to term. I also keep finding myself thinking about things I did, like the glass of wine I had before I knew, or the bike ride I went on last weekend, wondering if I did something that set it off. I know that isn't rational, and it's not my fault, but I keep thinking about it anyhow. BTW, I do have two other beautiful children, so I wonder if I should just give up, and stick with what I already have.

Jordyn, you asked about your experience with seeing other women with babies after your miscarriage, and if it affected you ~ absolutely yes. I have four sisters-in -law and one just had a baby a couple months ago, and the other is due next month. I absolutely dread going around them at all, it is just so painful, even to see newborns at the park or the grocery store, I will do a b-line right around them so I don't have to get too close. It sounds silly and childish, but it doesn't change how I feel.

thanks for sharing ladies,

~~heather~~

 
Old 06-08-2005, 06:29 AM   #7
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Re: Did you know you're supposed to save it?

Yes, the consolation of being able to concieve once is just crap...I mean I'll still be happy with my son if I can't have anymore but I really want him to have a sibling. I have a cousin who lost her only son when he was 31 and that was the one thing she said that stuck with me....if only I had other children, I wouldn't feel so alone. Maybe that's a selfish thing to say or a bit pessimistic but still something that sits heavy on my heart.
It was so easy to get pregnant the last time. I never imagined it would be a problem this time. Now I am watching for signs of ovulation just to have an idea of what is up with my body. I am doing the bbt thing and it is all over the map. I am on day 16 post miscarriage and my temp went down to 96.8 or so for the last two days from an average of 97.5...very weird but even before this shift I had up and down days ranging from 96.9-97.6.
Anyone know if this is normal?

 
Old 06-11-2005, 05:20 PM   #8
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Re: Did you know you're supposed to save it?

Hmmm, I'm not sure. Ovulating has never been a problem for me, it was just concieving that I couldn't seem to do. I had a hysterosarpinogram that opened up the blockage that I had. I don't know what it means that you are all over the place with your temps. Are you working with a R.E.? Mine has me taking my temps, too. They also have had me come in and have my blood tested twice to make sure my HCG levels are returning to normal. Mine was still at 3 on thursday, which means my body is still producing some pregnancy hormones, and it might take a while to get out of my system. They told me that I probably wouldn't ovulate this month, so I'm not worried about it right now. I'm trying to remember to take my temps just to keep up the habit. Mine is usually around 96-97, except when I'm about to ovulate, it drops all the way down to 93.5 sometimes.

Good luck to you, maybe I will see you on the ttc boards ~

~~heather~~

 
Old 06-11-2005, 06:31 PM   #9
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Re: Did you know you're supposed to save it?

Hmmm, I'm not sure. Ovulating has never been a problem for me, it was just concieving that I couldn't seem to do. I had a hysterosarpinogram that opened up the blockage that I had. I don't know what it means that you are all over the place with your temps. Are you working with a R.E.? Mine has me taking my temps, too. They also have had me come in and have my blood tested twice to make sure my HCG levels are returning to normal. Mine was still at 3 on thursday, which means my body is still producing some pregnancy hormones, and it might take a while to get out of my system. They told me that I probably wouldn't ovulate this month, so I'm not worried about it right now. I'm trying to remember to take my temps just to keep up the habit. Mine is usually around 96-97, except when I'm about to ovulate, it drops all the way down to 93.5 sometimes.

Good luck to you, maybe I will see you on the ttc boards ~

~~heather~~

 
Old 06-12-2005, 06:58 AM   #10
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Re: Did you know you're supposed to save it?

Hi Heather!
Yes check me out on the ttc board cause I have some updates there. I dont' know what an H.E. is...I live in Canada so maybe we use a different term. I am only seeing my doctor who frustrates me but is all I can get for now. Don't get me wrong, I like her and appreciate having a female doctor (they are rare up here in rural Ontario) but wish she had seemed more concerned and provided more info to me when I miscarried. I guess I should have insisted to her nurse that I see her right away. I'll know for future reference...hopefully I won't have to worry again though. I am sure she'll be ****** off if I do in to see her and am pregnant before when she suggested but with the little amount of info she gave me it was hard to see why it would be a problem to try again. I figure if I made a bad choice, I can live with it.
I hope your levels get down again and we can meet at ttc and then at the preg board too. How long have you been trying? You know you can do it but don't give up until you are ready too...it will feel right or wrong for you I think. Good luck to you and baby dust as well!!!

 
Old 06-12-2005, 08:51 AM   #11
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Re: Did you know you're supposed to save it?

Hi.

R.E. ~Reproductive Endocrinologist. I have been ttc for four years, off and on. I have had to have procedures and stuff during that time that made it impossible to conceive, but was supposed to improve my reproductive health in the long run, like lupron injections ~ yuck. I have endometreosis, so I have had to deal with some extra things like chronic pain, in addition to the infertility aspects. I know my husband sometimes thinks we're on an uphill battle, and we should just accept that it's not meant to be since everything has been so difficult for us.

But when you have that baby bug, it's just not so easy to give up, you know? Ok, I will be seeing you on the ttc concieve boards. BTW, I wouldn't worry about what the nurse thinks about you ttc. It just helps if you understand that you may not ovulate right away after a miscarriage, I think that's why they tell you to wait, so you're not so confused and frustrated about what's happening with your body. The R.E. is alot more informative than most ob/gyns office's I have dealt with, that's their whole job, just getting you pregnant, then after 10 weeks they send you along to a ob to get you to the finish line. I'm really glad I went to one, ( and that my insurance will pay for it!)

Good luck to everyone over here, and I hope you all recover and succeed in your quest to have a child. Bless you all...

~~heather~~

 
Old 06-12-2005, 12:07 PM   #12
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Re: Did you know you're supposed to save it?

Thanks Heather!
I can understand about the confusing body stuff. I am now on day 20 I think and I believe have signs of O happening now which would be very late for me. However this gave me time to be sure it was what I wanted to do and for my emotions to settle down. Actually it's amazing how your body returning to normal can lift your spirits...well that and scare the heck out of too. But the normalizing is stonger (lol).
I will have to look into the RE thing if we have any trouble. It won't be covered by my insurance but might be covered under general (free) healthcare here. Ofcourse with free healthcare you also get FREE waiting lists...miles long of course. We also don't see OB/GYN's here in Ontario until you are about 30 weeks unless there is a problem. I am thinking of going to a midwife, which too is covered under provincial healthcare. I had a hell of time with breastfeeding and post care with my son and am NOT going through that alone next time. That and the 37 hours of hellish labour from him puts me in the mind to look at alternative care too. I can't stomache the thoughts of home birth...I'm such a baby when it comes to pain!!!
Thanks for the input regarding life after m/c and see you on ttc!

Last edited by Jordyn; 06-12-2005 at 12:08 PM. Reason: typos

 
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