how do i do this - Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

moonshadow · 06-12-2005, 01:39 PM

its been 4 days since i miscarried at 8 weeks. at first i was numb, no real emotion, just quietness.
now... i cant do it, how do i deal with this stuff in my head, the coiled spring in my body, the need to scream and shout and blame the world.
i need to get it out...
i should have kept him warm, and safe, i let him down, how do i deal with that?
someone please help me, this hurts so much..

weepyone · 06-13-2005, 04:41 AM

Hi Moonshadow
It is ok to feel how you do. You are going through the mormal grieving process. Although you mention feeling guilty miscarriage is not your fault, that is why it is ok to feel you have been hard done to and that the world isn't a fair place. Take some time to relax and grieve. My thoughts are with you at wehat I know is a very difficult time, I have been through m/c recently too and i know several others who visit this site have to, hopefully we can all bring some support or comfort as you deal with all these thoughts and emotions you have. I am so sorry for your loss, but you are right the world is not fair, but there seems little we can do about it the git. Take care.

moonshadow · 06-13-2005, 07:16 AM

thankyou weepy one,

im finding it so hard, it feels as though i have driven 100mph into a brick wall. my partner and i are struggling to be together, both dealing differently and its causing added strain. right now i cant see the way forward.
its only half way through the day and i ve had enough, i just cant keep going.
im sorry

moonshadow

weepyone · 06-13-2005, 10:12 AM

moonshadow
i nknow this is a very difficult time for you and like you me and dh deal with things differently, the first stage in dealing with this is acknowledging he too is grieving but in his own way. For example my husband only talks about the m/c when I discusss it so imagine my shock when last night he asked he asked when he can let loose (excuse if too much info) to ttc again. your partner may also be like this, it is true m/c can feel a lonely experience I can only say by using this site some times checking in 3 times a day it has allowed me to cry if I want and even smile at someone else's joy. Here I have learned that m/c can happen to anyone including me and that it is ok to feel **** and angry and devestated and gutted and upset but that we need to recognise this terrible experience does not mean life is going to be this terrible forever unless we carry on our own pity parties for too long (of course an occassional or short lived pity party is good for us all from time to time). Please don't give up on your situation, cry, scream if you must but know that someday if you keep working at your dream of having a baby of your own it can happen, but if you give up now well it won't. So grab some cleanex and allow your heart to grieve for your baby and your loss and talk about it here if it helps but don't isolate yourself it will make you feel worse.
Thinking of you and praying your heart heals. I know where you are it hurts but hope you realise you can talk here, i am off work sick still post m/c so catch me here regularly if you need to talk.

It is important to be around someone supportive if you feel you can't talk to dh/so talk to a friend or family member you sound like you need some good tlc look after yourself.

Cupcake3 · 06-13-2005, 02:14 PM

Hello Moonshadow

I understand you completely. I m/c 4/25 D&C 4/28. Had another D&C 6/08 because they left poc in me. I too, am devistated, angry and, frustrated at the world. But there has to be a good ending to all this. My partner too, is very quite on the situation and does not say anything. That angers me sometimes, but I guess he really does not know what to say. I too have to sort after folks who are willing to talk to me and communicate with me about my feelings.

Everyday I feel this anger I do not know when I will stop grieving although if you look at me you would not know what has happened. But I am devistated and angry all the time. I guess time is the answer for us the heal...

take care