I'm 28 and have had 5 children. I had two miscarriages during that time. Then in Dec. 2003 I became sick with an autoimmune disease. Since then I have not been able to carry a baby to term and have had four miscarriages in a year (two were second trimester losses). Right now we don't know if the cause is the autoimmune condition or a possible genetic problem (testing is being done for the genetic part).
We're going to try waiting a year and if I'm feeling well and things look good we may try again.
My last miscarriage was only 6 weeks ago so maybe it's all still too fresh but some days I'm not sure I ever want to try again and other days I ache to have another baby.
Does anyone else have this back and forth struggle? Pregnancy used to be such a wonderfully precious time for me and now I just fret and fear over it. I don't want to miss out on the joy of carrying a baby by worrying but you can only get slapped in the face so many times before you learn to flinch and duck KWIM?
I don't know...one miscarriage is too many but 6 is almost unbearable. For now we're not trying but even in a year I wonder how I'll feel.
Love and Prayers, Kelly
P.S. Although we'll be using barrier method contraception I'm so afraid that I'll get pregnant within the year and have to do this all over again (miscarry). I'm getting to the point of being afraid of having sex (although I'm still flowing from the miscarriage so we haven't but it'll be soon). Does anyone else have these fears? I just feel kind of alone and without anyone to talk with who understands. Thanks for listening!
I know many of you are wishing you could just get through one pregnancy and here I've had 5 healthy children. Maybe it sounds selfish and unreasonable for me to hope for more. I've always wanted to have a large family and my dreams have been cut short.
With every miscarriage I've grown more and more grateful for the family that I have. So I'm not just being unappreciative it's having them that makes me want to have another. They're such precious little people.
My 4 year-old son wants a little brother so badly (he has a little sister) and having held two of his little brothers before we buried them makes him wish for one all the more. It's so hard on everyone not being able to have another.
I've often thought of adopting but my husband doesn't desire to. We'll see what the future holds.
I started my first period since my last miscarriage and it has been a really long hard week. I'm sorry for going on and on. I feel like all I've done is cried the last few days.
I've been thinking and praying for all of you here...it helps me with my loss a little to remember others. I'm sorry you've all had to endure through such an awful thing. No one should have to go through this.
Hi there again, I have not been on in quite some time, and have wondered how you have been doing. I do not think it selfish of you to want another child. I believe that as long as there is love and an ability to support children our houses should be full. I understand the added worry any future pregnancys bring upon you. As I am finally now 21 weeks pregnant after 3 early miscarriages I am greatful to be here but I am missing the happiness due to the non stop worry. I thought that once I made it past the first trimester that I could relax and enjoy things and yet I still worry that I could make a false move or something could still go terribly wrong. I miss the ignorance of my first two successful pregnancys. However even than I was young and worried of how I would support them or our futures. I figured this pregnancy could be joyus knowing that I have aged well and can afford more children (27 now)
My husband has been able to move pass the worry, so I suffer silently so not to dampen his enjoyment of the situation. Next week is our ultrasound he is anxious for a peter to show up on the screen I have two girls from my first marriage. He has no children of his own.
With all of the miscarriages and worry I have decided that this is the last time I will be doing this. I have scheduled a tubal for Febuary to coincide with the c-section. I hope that the testing gives you answers, and that you go on to have a boatload more of babies.
I think i can understand the not been sure if you want to ttc again versus the you wanting a baby. I am pg for the second time week 17 but had a m/c first time round i have said to dh if i lost this one i don't think i could bare trying again and then the worry through pregnancy again. if and hopefully i get through this pg fine i still don't think i will ever try again the heartache and turmoil is emense. I wish you the best of luck for a safe successful pregnancy when you are ready to try again. i nkow i can not understand the upset of many losses but i know each loss leaves you feeling robbed good luck take care
Hi Tweetymommy! I've been thinking of you quite a bit and praying that things are going well for you! I'm so very very glad that they are.
I was just talking with my sister-in-law the other day about how pregnancy is no longer a joyous occasion for me but a time of worry and fear. It's so sad to miss out on the joy but it's hard to ignore the possibilities.
I'll be 29 in a few weeks (I'm a Halloween baby ) and I know I have time but I wish more than anything I could *know* that I'd ever be able to carry another baby.
Weepyone, I told my husband the same thing with our last miscarriage that if I miscarried it'd be a very very long time before I could try again...if ever. It's just too hard and too much for everyone (it breaks my heart when my kids ask why we can't have a baby like so and so...they just love babies so much).
I never dreamed I'd ever be in this place. Thank you for your kind and encouraging words! I will be praying for both of you! It'll be a blessing to me to hear about your precious little bundles finally arriving into your loving arms!
Tweetymommy, let me know what your u/s shows...I'm anxious to hear !
Kelly, This seems the wrong place to post this information however, I do not know where else I can leave the info you asked for regaurding the ultrasound. And I am sorry to anyone else reading this who are suffering from a recent miscarriage or reocurring ones I too have suffered three myself. Well, the ultrasound was conducted today and we are having a 100% little baby girl who right now weighs in at 1lb 1oz, with a hb of 154. She will be born by c-section at my 38th week or 16 weeks from today barring any idea she may get on being even earlier. Again, I am sorry to anyone suffering from any loss and hope for all of you to go on with good results.
That is so absolutely wonderful!! Thank you so much for sharing it with me! Do you have any names picked out yet?
I am just so happy things are going so beautifully. It really does give me hope .
Love and Prayers, Kelly
P.S. I joined tae kwon do with my son (he's been in it for 8 months) and my husband and I joined a co-ed volleyball team recently. I can't believe how much it's improved my mood to get out and do something. I have something else to focus on in the evenings now and it has really been beneficial and healing for me. Much of the last 10 years of my life has been growing and nursing babies...I have either been breast-feeding or pregnant or both for 10 years. So since I haven't been able to carry a baby to term I've felt very lost and alone. It's been refreshing to find a new and good place to be in life. I can wake up in the morning and smile again.
November 11th will be my son Asher's delivery day (he died around 17 weeks... I delivered at 19 weeks). We found out on my b-day last year that he had died. We've lost three more babies since then and buried the last one 8 weeks ago. It's been a long, hard, sad year. I'm grateful that a year after his death I can smile...what baby doesn't like to see their mama smile . I know he's in heaven smiling too. Of course my heart will ache until I can hold him along with his brothers and sisters when I get there.
I am sorry you had so many miscarriages. I just went through my first one a few days ago. I dont think your selfish being I have a 4 yr old and still want another child. I am feeling that I dont wanna try again being no way can I go through this again any time soon. Its so scary and hurtful, as you already know. I hope you can have another one and can carry it to term.
Its great to hear good news even through I just miscarried. I am happy to hear someone who has had great news! CONGRATS!
We are looking at the name of Gracie for her I just haven't been able to find a compatable middle name that is not already taken by someone I know.... We also want it to be hispanic but not Maria, way to common. (hubby is hispanic)
Chysmom, I completely understand the fear of trying again despite how many times the doctors tell you that just because you have had one or two miscarriages doesnt mean you will have another. (I really wish they would test earlier) I had two succesful pregnancys 7 and 8 years ago now but just terrible luck the last 6 years, at first for three years we could not even concieve and finally conception took place followed by two miscarriages, I also had one before my first daughter was born. We had decided to give up on the baby idea, I just couldn't wrap my mind around that pain and anguish yet again, however I became pregnant again in June and this time I rushed to the doctors immediately at just three weeks and demanded a progesterone test and supplements, although my doctor was hesitant on the supplements it turned out I was right and my hormone level was quite low just 10 at that time. I was told that under 20 is a risky level. I started the supplements and when I hit the sixth week it was amazing.. (you see all m/c's took place by 5.5 weeks.) Although, I am still incredibly stressed out and worried about every little thing all the worry has been worth it. I know how the thought of trying again seems tough when you lose something so important to you no matter the leingth of time you knew. Take your time, ask a million questions, search the net, and demand help or testing to try and help you. Good luck
Thank you so much! Can I ask you something being you have had some m/c before? I went to the ER on Sunday it is now Tues and I am only bleeding and see it when I wipe is that normal also I am getting nauses again and back pain like I had when I was pg. I know I miscarried but how long do the symptons go until they stop? I am still peeing a lot also. And very concerened about the bleeding I was told I would bleed for like a wk plus but I am just about done 3 days later. Thanks!
There is no definate time line on how long the affects remain, it comes down to how much of the pregnancy hormone is left in your system. It seems to take alot longer for those numbers to drop than to rise. My first m/c was my worst and I had bleeding and symptoms for two weeks after the initial punch ofcourse never as severe as the first day. The other two were aprox a week of bleeding and the hormone levels dropped to zero between 3 and 6 weeks for each of them. The nausea could still be a symptom of the hormone or a symptom brought on by the extreme amount of stress that a m/c causes a woman. As for your bladder it will re-adjust to the normal very soon once the hormone is gone. I hope this answers your question, feel free to ask any others.
Thank you so much! I stopped bleeding yesterday but started again today, I have read that is normal, its nothing heavy yet than again I never was heavy. I didnt even go through a pad a day the time I started. Which is good I guess. Just so many questions no answers to be sure of you know what I mean? A lotta mixed feelings and such also. Thanks for your time in answering my questions!
I hate the limited amount of answers available to women on this subject. My bleeding was never extremely heavy but more similar to a normal period aside from the first day when the larger clots passed that was painful and messy. If you don't mind how far along were you? This would have something to do with how much you bleed depending on the amount of tissue that had built up. My bleeding would also stop and start again here and there.