Baby showers - Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board

ibelieve · 05-15-2006, 10:15 AM

Have any of you gone to a baby shower since your loss? How difficult was it? My close friend has one coming up in a couple weeks and I know I'm expected to be there. But we were due on the same day. I just don't think I could handle it. Christmas was hard enough with all the babies around. Do you think she would understand? I don't want to seem selfish or self-absorbed. Any tips on how to survive it if I do go?

rosequartz · 05-15-2006, 10:22 AM

you should go and be there for your friend.......supporting her will help you heal

Hope2Heal · 05-16-2006, 03:16 PM

You absolutely do not have to go. After loosing my baby in my 9th month to stillbirth, I was invited to 2 showers, neither of which I went to. I did get a gift and card and have someone else bring it. I knew I could not sit there seeing all the cute clothes and listen to everyone talk baby without loosing it or feeling in much pain. I have not been to a shower since I became pregnant again. I am now in my 6th month and so far so good. But It is completely understandable if you do not want to go. If your friend doesn't understand she is not truly a friend.
Good luck

teacherintexas · 05-16-2006, 03:56 PM

I imagine everyone on this board would understand why you wouldn't want to attend. If you don't feel up to going, get your friend a nice gift and go see her before the shower to explain (briefly) why you won't be attending. A true friend would not want you to go through all the silent anguish you would sure to feel attending the shower for a baby due on the same day as your angel would have been.

If you decide you have the strength to go and feel yourself getting upset while you are there, think of something else mundane like a grocery list until you feel the watery eyes go away. I have to attend one for a baby that is due a week before mine would have been at work and since it's in the middle of a manatory meeting, I have no way out of it. I'm going to plan how to organize my closet if it starts getting to me.

ibelieve · 05-17-2006, 08:24 AM

THanks for the advice you guys. I haven't decided for sure yet, but I'm probably not going to go. I wouldn't want to make a scene, plus this is her big day, and I wouldn't want everybody to feel awkward if I lost it.