I am sooo sorry to hear about the stillbirth of your son Ben. I can't relate 100% to what you must be feeling as my loss was at 17 weeks & although the gestation of our babies doesn't really make a difference to the pain we experience when we lose a child, i couldn't imagine going through what you have just experienced!
My good friend had a stillborn son, Elliot at 37 weeks. This was so tough for her because having to go through the birth traumatised her emotionally so much. She kept saying that she wanted a caesarean section to remove him, however the Doctors would not perform the operation & induced her. Elliot was basically classed as being a full term baby at 37 weeks, but something happened to the placenta (which could not be detected by ultrasounds) & Elliot was not getting the nutrients that he needed. It seemed as though the placenta could no longer cope with it's workload & gave up!
There were no warning signs whatsoever until she started getting excrutiating cramps one night in bed! She went to the hospital asap where they looked for a heartbeat on the screen & that is when they realised that Elliot had died
She still has his ashes to this day & has still not even undone the box that they were given to her in. She is not too sure what to do with them, (as am i) however i'm sure she will decide that when the time is right!
To a more positive story now though.... my friend went on to have a perfectly healthy baby girl, Elly, whom is now 3 years old
She was monitored more closely & had regular checkups throughout her pregnancy. She was induced at 37 weeks with Elly incase the same thing happened again.... just to be on the safe side!
But i totally know what you mean about the wait for the results
With my case, although i actually miscarried at 17 weeks, the baby was thought to had actually died between 12 & 13 weeks, so when they sent away my swabs etc and my baby & palcenta ect, i wanted there to be some results found as to why i miscarried so i had answers, but then i realised how close to the first 12 weeks i was when the baby is thought to have died & i feel a little better (if you can say that), that it was back then & not at 17 weeks, because otherwise it could have been something genetic or a chromosomal abnormality etc & i would really be racking my brains trying to figure out what went wrong, whereas now, with things as they went, i am quite sure it was just a natural death, being so close to the first trimester (high risk time).
Thanks also for your response to my post about my baby's ashes! You're right.... the best thing to do is wait until we (my husband & i) are ready emotionally to make a deision that we won't regret.
Hope this has kinda helped you & again i am so sorry for your loss. I hope the pain eases for you over time & that you are not too disheartened by your experience.
Big hugs & take care Crystal xoxoxox