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Old 06-13-2007, 01:54 PM   #1
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How much longer is it going to be?

I found out that my pregnancy stopped progressing at about 5-6 weeks. I am now 11 weeks today and still have not miscarried. I go from having brown discharge to bright red bleeding...then back again to brown. I only had a couple of cramps and some pretty bad back pain, but that was two days ago. How long did it take everyone else? I really don't want to have a D&C done and I'm taking my temp everyday (sometimes more) to make sure I haven't developed an infection. The waiting is driving me crazy.

 
Old 06-13-2007, 10:21 PM   #2
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Re: How much longer is it going to be?

Hi Travkrisjas,

I miscarried in Dec 06 at 17 weeks & although i didn't know... my baby had actually died somewhere between 12 & 13 weeks, so it took my body about 5 weeks to expel the baby naturally & then i was booked in for a D&C to remove the other products of conception.

I had no miscarriage symptoms whatsoever, until i was 17 weeks & my waters broke in my sleep (didn't know it was my waters at the time though) & then it was followed by some light spotting of brown blood & still no cramps or anything. I went to the hospital & my OB did a scan & told me the devastating news that there was not much fluid surrounding the baby & that it appeared to be very small for 17 weeks & had no HB. It was the autopsy afterwards that confirmed when she died & also her sex.

At this stage when my OB was telling me the news, my baby was still inside me, so he booked me in straight away for a D&C at a hospital about a 1 hour drive away. He said that if the baby was further along than it appeared on the screen, that i would have to be induced & give birth to my baby, however if it wasn't too big i would have the D&C. I told him straight away that i did not want to give birth to my baby & that i wanted the D&C (not knowing exactly what was involved in the procedure & that i wouldn't have had the chance to see my baby). But as things panned out (& i am thankful for this), i actually passed my baby girl naturally on arrival at the hospital & then i only had to have the D&C to remove the other POS.

I know it sounds strange that i say i was thankful for that, but i don't mean that i was thankful for my miscarriage.... i mean i was thankful for the fact that i passed my daughter naturally & was able to see her & say goodbye properly. I don't know what state of mind i would have been in if i had had the D&C for the baby aswell & then been told that i could not see her or not even know the sex of my baby because of the procedure causing her to be unrecognisable. I don't think they would have even told me this before the procedure I still wonder whether other women are warned that they won't be able to see their baby after having a D&C performed, or whether i am just naive & most people would realise what's involved. I had no idea!!! Not to mention that you are sooo numb after receiving this news, that so many questions that are important to you can slip your mind & then cause you to be upset afterwards because they weren't asked.

Anyhow.... from the time that my baby apparently died, to the time i actually passed her..... it was about 4-5 weeks. Everyone is different though & i had only just started growing at 15 weeks even though my baby had died

Your body will do it's thing, but do go & checked out now & then to make sure that everthing looks ok & that there is no sign of infection. Your OB might even be able to tell you whether your uterus has come back down aswell, because this is what mine told me & then i passed my baby, so that might be an indicator of when things are going to happen.

Also..... i know you probably want to let this happen naturally & i respect this, but is it because of the whole procedure & going under anesthetic that worries you about the D&C or is it because (like me) you want to see your baby? Sorry if this is too personal.... you don't need to answer if you don't want to! It's just that if you do pass your baby naturally & you don't pass the other POS with your baby, then you will probably be scheduled for a D&C anyway (which you probably already know) & holding off on the D&C now (when you know that your pregnancy has ended) may just drag out the grieving process for you & make it harder to cope with in the long run. I mean.... you have aready been grieving for the past 5 weeks or so & then to have to go through the grieving process again (on a whole different level.... having the realisation that it is all a reality) when the baby is passed, i am just worried for you that this will all take it's toll on you emotionally..... moreso than if you had the D&C done.

I am so sorry.... i don't want to sound like i am hounding you because you need to do what is best for you, but i just feel that this waiting (as painful as it is for you right now.... & probably getting worse with each day) could slow your grieving process & hold you back from moving forward. Don't get me wrong.... there is no timeframe when dealing with the loss of a child (or anything really) & you will take all the time you need, but it just sadens me to know you are going through this & trying to do the right thing by yourself by waiting to pass your baby naturally & i just want it to happen for you..... & in a way that you are at peace with.

Well i have babbled enough & i hope i haven't upset you (or anyone else reading), you have probably already been over this in your head a million times, but i thought i'd share just incase (like me) you are too numb to even think about anything right now.

All the best to you Travkrisjas & i am praying for you & a happy future for you also.

Best wishes, Crystal xoxoxox

 
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Old 06-14-2007, 06:19 AM   #3
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Re: How much longer is it going to be?

I'm so sorry for your miscarriage Crystal. Thank you so much for your reply. And no, you haven't upset me at all.

Its not the surgery part that bothers me. I guess when this all started I just wanted to give this pregnancy every chance I could because at the time I really wasn't having any real symptoms. I know there's not going to be much to see of my baby. The last ultrasound showed that it had shrunk to a 4 week size. Its just something I wanted to do here at home, I never dreamed it would take so long though. Everyday I wake up and wonder, "is today going to be the day?". And that thought is with me every second.

We go back for another u/s and dr appointment on Monday and Tuesday next week. I am hoping that everything will be over by then. If not, I guess we will decide where to go from here then. My doctor told me that he would rather me do this naturally..and I agreed 100% at the time. I'm just not sure what I feel anymore. You were right when you said you just feel "numb". I think I had pushed all my feelings to the side and tried to be stong for everyone else...because that's just me. It all really hit me Tuesday night and I just lost it. It seems like that night there were babies and pregnant women all over tv so I came in here to the computer and my pregnancy week by week email had come (I had forgotten to unsubscribe). Then the very next morning I received two pregnancy magazines in the mail.

I just feel emotionally drained sometimes. I'm afraid to go anywhere because I never know when its going to happen and I don't want to be out in public or in the car.

Kristie

Last edited by travkrisjas; 06-14-2007 at 06:19 AM.

 
Old 06-14-2007, 06:28 AM   #4
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Re: How much longer is it going to be?

We knew something wasn't right at 5 weeks 3 days and several ultrasounds and betas confirmed it. I had surgery because they thought it was ectopic and it wasn't. Because of all this I didn't want a D&C so I waited. At 8 weeks exactly I started bleeding and 2 days later I passed the majority of the tissue. I knew it was going to happen because I had horrible cramping for 3 hours before I passed everything. Luckily I had some pain killers because I really needed them!

I'm sorry you are going through this.

 
Old 06-14-2007, 01:40 PM   #5
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Re: How much longer is it going to be?

Thank you mommy5.

There's nothing really new to post. Things are still going the same as the last one. I think all my worrying about waiting is mostly because of the fear of the pain. I realized that today because everytime I thought about it, the pain is what seems to scare me the most. I've read stories about how terribly painful it can be. Many women have described it as going through labor. With DD I had an epidural so I didn't feel the labor pain, except for a few contractions at the beginning and they were bad enough. Can anyone give me some insight on this? I want to know....I don't care if its tmi, I just want to be prepared and know. Is the pain something that every woman who miscarries naturally goes through...how bad is it?

Don't get me wrong, waiting and knowing the baby is still in there and not growing is torture. I've come to terms with the miscarriage, for the most part. Sometimes it hurts as much as the first moment I found out, but I suppose it will always be like that.

I've always been the type that, no matter what has been wrong with me, I find out all the information about it and am prepared for it. This is so different. You can't fully prepare yourself for something like this. The fact that each miscarriage is so different keeps women from being prepared physically. I know I'm rambling on....guess I was just bored.

Hope all is doing well.

Kristie

 
Old 06-14-2007, 07:51 PM   #6
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Re: How much longer is it going to be?

Travkrisjas,

I am glad i didn't upset you at all. You must have read my post as i intended it to be read.... so thankyou & i'm glad to have been able to offer some insight.

You are so right about the not knowing what to expect & prepare yourself for in this situation! I didn't even know what was involved in a D&C when i was scheduled & the procedure took place even before anyone told me really what was involved. Don't get me wrong.... i was treated great, & maybe they did explain the procedure to me, but like i said in my last post.... there's little that you remember on the talking side of things, so i felt a little in the dark. I also felt like i had to be strong for everyone else & maybe that is just a coping strategy that comes naturally in times of immense grief, but i look back & realise that all my family were crying on my shoulder & were saying how unfair & cruel it was... & there was i..... holding them & telling them that it was all ok! I couldn't even really cry alone & i think it's because i was just so upset & i had cryed myself a river inside that there were just no tears left when i was alone & wanted to cry for my lost child!

The fact that you are accepting that this has happened & are coming to terms with it so far is a great accomplishment! It's the first step of many in your grieving process & from what you said about just not knowing what to expect..... that indicates to me that you are prepared for anything, & sometimes that is the best approach.... otherwise if we have too many expectations of what to expect we often get suffocated with the grief because it is much more than we imagined...... so keep doing what you are doing in terms of dealing with your grief, because it seems like a good approach to me! I guess, apart from your fear of the pain.... you also have the disadvantage of the wait, which like you said, is torture I guess i feel like this because with my miscarriage, i found out & had the D&C performed in the matter of 1 day & that alone was torture enough for me, so i couldn't imagine what you are going through right now with everything that you have to deal with & prepare yourself for, because although you have already started dealing with the grief of your miscarriage..... there may be a different level of grief to come when it happens & when it is all over Just be prepared for anything is my heartfelt advise to you.... you sound as though you are, so i hope things treat you kindly.

As far as the pain went! I passed my baby girl & she was the size of a 12-13 week baby & i felt no pain whatsoever, but i'm not sure whether that is because i had the D&C to remove the remaining POC. I mean.... if i had to pass those naturally, maybe then the pain would have set in, but i had no pain when my waters broke.... none with the brown spotting & then no pain also when the nurses were pressing on my stomach before i knew that i had miscarried. It could very possibly be the placenta etc & other POC that cause the pain of a miscarriage, because i guess when your body expels everything naturally, your uterus would be contracting constantly to get rid of everything...... so maybe that's when the pain starts! I may not have got that far, or maybe everyone is different, i couldn't tell you for sure & i don't want to hinder your expectations or influence what you may expect in any way. I would have thought though.... that passing my baby would have been atleast the first step of my miscarriage & that pain would have started then, but i had nothing, so i hope & pray that the same happens for you!!!

You are in my thoughts & prayers. Please keep us updated & know that we are here for you to talk to. Just remember that there is no right or wrong way to deal with your grief & i think that in cases such as these... our instincts take over & we deal with it in the best way possible for ourselves at the time. All the best to you!

Best wishes, Crystal xoxoxox

 
Old 06-14-2007, 08:18 PM   #7
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Re: How much longer is it going to be?

Crystal, I can't tell you how much your last post has helped and I appreciate it more than you can imagine. Its so nice to have someone who really understands. My husband, bless his heart, he knows the pain of losing this child but has no idea what I'm going through now. As much as he tries, I feel that this now my own personal hell because its happening to my body. He constantly asks me if I'm ok and if I need anything and accepts that sometimes I just don't "feel" like getting up and doing things around the house. He is such a wonderful man!

His grandmother called me a little while ago to see how we are doing. Her first two pregnancies ended in m/c. I was doing well today until she called. There's just something about talking to her that brings out all of my emotions. We sat there and cried and then the next minute we were laughing about her husband. That's what I love about her....she knows the exact minute when the subject needs to be changed. I'm so blessed to have such wonderful family and friends.....as well as strangers that I'll never meet on here but who have been my greatest form of strength...thank you so much.

Kristie

Last edited by travkrisjas; 06-14-2007 at 08:27 PM.

 
Old 06-14-2007, 08:29 PM   #8
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Re: How much longer is it going to be?

By the way Crystal......I saw where you are pregnant. I'm so happy for you. I wish you the very best!!!!

 
Old 06-15-2007, 12:46 AM   #9
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Re: How much longer is it going to be?

Travkrisjas,

Yes... it's from our families & friends that we pull our strength at these hard times You are lucky to have that person who you can just let go with & cry! I never had that ability, although i did have the support but i just could never let go with anyone! My DH was really supportive too & i encouraged him to talk to me about our baby & ask his questions because he was grieving the same as i was. I didn't want him to be afraid of asking questions out of fear of upsetting me because i think it was the talking about it that helped the most.... & bottling it up inside can only do more harm than good.

Yes i am pregnant..... 16 weeks tomorrow & although it's been a very anxious time for me, i have been given no reason so far (touch wood) to think that it could happen again.... so fingers & legs crossed i guess!!! I didn't want to mention it incase i upset you because i know how sensitive the issue is. I think i saw you just prior to your m/c on the pregnacy board. I really hope to see you there again soon once you are ready to move forward & start trying again. I know it can be sooo confusing As soon as i lost my baby, i just felt so empty & all i wanted was to be a mother again..... so for me, that wait for my first period was hell!!! DH & i did not have sex before that because i wanted to let my body heal as best it could & give myself time to come to terms with things. It may sound as though (to some people) that i was rushing into getting pregnant again so i wouldn't have to deal with my grief, but i didn't! That's one thing i am sure of I just knew that falling pregnant again would be another step in my grieving process & that it would help me to come to terms with my loss...... & it did! I can't even begin to describe how much it helped me. It took me 3 cycles to get pregnant again & i was about 11 weeks pregnant on the due date of my lost baby so that definately helped to ease the pain for me. Just to know that my life was moving forward again.

I say that now..... but the wait was the most frustrating time of my life!!! During that time, a couple of the parents who's children i look after revealed that they were pregnant & although i was sooo happy for them.... i couldn't help but be a bit cold towards them, (not to them personally... they didn't pick up on it, but my feelings that i kept to myself & shared only to my DH & on these boards). I think now that it was just my coping mechanism at the time.... & i actually made a post about it on these boards & was assured by each & every one of the ladies who replied that my feelings were natural & that it was just my way of dealing. It was just sooo hard at that time because i even said to DH that it felt like my life was on pause & that i was just sitting back watching the rest of the world progress while i was stuck in a paused time zone So if you feel any of this.... you are completely normal

So just so you know.... when the time comes for you to start trying again..... just trust your heart! People can always say that it is too soon etc, but unless you feel that it is too soon yourself, do what your heart is telling you. Most times our head just confuses us! I feel that the brain consists of two very opposite halves. The logical side & the non-logical side.... & that causes our feelings to get mixed up & inturn confuses us! I followed my heart..... & i'm sure you will follow yours

I hope you can grieve fully & look forward to a future of happiness

Best wishes & you will remain in my thoughts & prayers

P.S - I'm here whenever you need to talk

Crystal xoxoxox

 
Old 06-15-2007, 06:12 AM   #10
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Re: How much longer is it going to be?

You know, surprisingly it doesn't bother me to hear that someone else is pregnant. When I was pregnant with DD, my best friend had been trying for about a year with no luck. She was by my side every step of the way. She even helped with the baby shower, was there the night she was born and even came to the hospital every single morning. Since then she has been told that she cannot have children. Yet she was so happy for me when I got pregnant again...and then so sad when we found out we were losing it. She has such a strong belief in God and keeps telling me that he has showed her that she is going to have a baby. She told me this last week and I felt soooo happy for her. She has showed me what a true friend really is. I know that it is a natural feeling to go through this and feel angry or hurt when someone else falls pregnant, but because of her I feel nothing but happy for that person. I know that my time will come again and I will have another baby, it just wasn't meant to be this time. I pray everyday that this month is her month and I will be right by her side when it happens. I actually think it would help in my grieving if she did get pregnant. I know this sounds strange, but in a way I almost feel that I am going through this so that she can have a child. I don't know why I feel this way, but there's just such a strong feeling inside me that's telling me that. I am not angry about it at all. She has wanted a child for so long and even though the doctors have given her nothing but bad news, her faith is strong and her spirit is unbreakable.

With that said, I am very happy for you and please don't hesitate to talk to me about your pregnancy. I might even be able to answer some of your pregnancy questions for you Babies are such wonderful additions to your life and I think everyone deserves to be a mother....no matter what my circumstances are.

 
Old 06-15-2007, 06:28 AM   #11
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Re: How much longer is it going to be?

I had a miscarriage that started naturally on March 24 - I had started spotting a few days before this. My ob told me to expect a heavy period. So, I wasn't that worried until it actually started. I had intense cramping and back labour that started on Sat. 24th and was passing large clots. I went to the er on Sunday afternoon as the pain became too intense and my dh had had enough and insisted we go. They admitted me and offered demerol for the pain but I refused due to the fact it would make me sick. I cried alot as it was a very painful miscarriage, physically and emotionally. I passed alot of blood (the nurses told me it was normal)-finally passed the sac Sunday evening - glad I got to see it. I had another u/s on the Monday and there was still products in the upper part of my uterus so I had to have the d&c anyways that evening. I think if I had to do it again I would just have the d&c and not go through the miscarriage myself - at the time though I was afraid of anethesia (first time ever put under) and wanted to make sure the doctors weren't "wrong".
I had a friend that had a miscarriage a little farther along than me and she just had a gush of fluid and mild period like cramps. Everyone is different.

I wouldn't have minded so much going through this labour if I had something out of it (my baby) but to go through all of that and have nothing was hard. I had some very supportive nurses who helped alot. The doctors were too hurried and not very empathetic. The only comfort I got from them was my ob put his hand on my shoulder before the d&c and said "you will be fine".

 
Old 06-15-2007, 06:48 AM   #12
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Re: How much longer is it going to be?

Browneyed-babe... how far along were you?
And thank you so much for your reply.

 
Old 06-15-2007, 10:03 AM   #13
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Re: How much longer is it going to be?

I was 9 weeks when I had my first u/s and 10 weeks when I got the results that it was a blighted ovum. This m/c started at 10 weeks 2 days.

 
Old 06-15-2007, 06:45 PM   #14
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Re: How much longer is it going to be?

I have finally begin the miscarriage. I feel relieved. Its so weird saying that. I feel like I can finally begin healing. I started passing clots and bleeding alot almost 2 hours ago. I have had no pain so far...lets hope it stays that way. My bleeding is extrememly heavy, but seems to be slacking off a bit. I know the whole "1 pad an hour" thing, but the first hour I went through 3. I didnt' go to the ER because it did start slowing down. I am feeling ok. My mom has come to stay with me because DD will be leaving soon for work (he works 3rd shift). I'm hoping the pain stays away...but if it doesn't I feel like I can handle it....especially with my mom here. I finally feel calm now. I'm not afraid of what's going to happen like I was in all my other posts. My mom has gone to get some beets from DD's grandmother. My aunt, who is a nurse, said I should eat them because they're high in iron. Good thing I like them.

I'll update again tomorrow. Thanks again for being such wonderful people!!!

 
Old 06-16-2007, 02:41 AM   #15
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Re: How much longer is it going to be?

Travkrisjas.....

So glad to hear that it is happening for you finally! Like you said.... now you can finally start healing

Wishing you the very best for the remainder of your m/c & hoping too that the pain stays away for you! Shouldn't be too much longer surely..... have you passed any tissue yet? Keep up the positive attitude darl...... i'm here for you if you need me

You are in my thoughts & prayers, Crystal xoxoxox

 
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