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Old 12-27-2007, 07:35 PM   #1
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Carried everything but a baby :(

I've been "pregnant" for 2 months and life was great. We were coming up with names, buying and receiving baby stuff and just overall being excited! My first baby was coming! And then...... ugh. First ultrasound was today and I was very excited. Through the whole thing the lady who was doing the U/S didnt say a word. I just thought she was busy looking around and checking things out. Then she said "Ok any questions?". I was a little confused b/c I assumed if there was something she wanted to show me like um the baby! or a heartbeat or anything she would have done it so I just said no questions. When she left the room my boyfriend and I thoughth about it and wondered why she didnt say ANYTHING. She came back with the pics and my bf asked if there was a heartbeat or anything we could view. She just bluntly says, Oh no because you miscarried! I bursted into tears. I couldnt believe how quickly everything ended like that. After talking to the dr. he said that I had all the characteristics of pregnancy (yolk sac, placenta, no period, positive preg. test). I was pregnant with no baby. Or, as the dr said, if there is a baby in there it stopped growing a long time ago. I have my D&C tomorrow and thats the end of everything. Very hard. Has anyone had this happen before?

 
Old 12-27-2007, 08:52 PM   #2
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Re: Carried everything but a baby :(

I haven't been in this same situation, but I wanted to say sorry for your loss and shame on the ultrasound technician. She could have told you in a gentler way.

 
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Old 12-27-2007, 10:18 PM   #3
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Re: Carried everything but a baby :(

Sorry secrets. I think i probably would've smacked the tech if i were your bf. That's really harsh. I hope it takes next time. Good luck hun. Shane

 
Old 12-28-2007, 12:34 AM   #4
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Re: Carried everything but a baby :(

Yes one of the first things he said when we got home was how mad he was on how they handled the situation. He felt that as soon as she noticed something was wrong she should have immediately stopped and got someone else to explain it to me. For all I knew we were looking at a healthy baby. Thankyou for your comments and support. Im on 3 hours sleep because of the stress.

 
Old 12-29-2007, 03:04 AM   #5
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Re: Carried everything but a baby :(

Well I had my D&C yesterday and now I feel about as empty as my uterus. My stomach is smaller since they took everything out and it feels wierd. I feel like life has stopped. Everything reminds me of being pregnant. I turned my whole life around. I used to smoke a pack a day and when I found out I cut back to about one ciggerate a day! I was never a water drinker and hated it but when I found out, that's all I drank. Even when I had a bad accident back in march and lost over 2 pints of blood and all the dr.'s told me to iron vitamins I did for like a week and stopped because was hard to remember and im just not a pill person. When I found out though I religiously took prenatal vitamins everyday and didnt miss one day because I had more than myself to think about. I stayed away from 2nd hand smoke, I lightened my load a lot at work, I did EVERYTHING I possibly could to try and be a good mommy and make a healthy home for my child and I feel like I failed. We even planned a trip at a certain point in the later pregnancy so that we could do something together before I started to get bigger and things got more hectic. Now when we take that trip (which was based on the baby) it's not gonna feel the same. I've already paid for it so we're still going. I dont know how long it will take to feel normal again because I feel life is still based on my pregnancy. Sorry Im rambling on because I cant sleep. I get about 3-5 hours a night and wake up 3 times in between. I always loved coming here for support.

 
Old 12-29-2007, 11:59 AM   #6
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Re: Carried everything but a baby :(

Sorry for your loss. Time is the only thing that is going to heal you. Everyday will get a little bit easier, although it may not feel like it ever will.
Take care of yourself and take your time. Allow yourself to cry and go through the emotions and grief.

Everything will be ok...just take your time healing.

 
Old 12-31-2007, 08:35 PM   #7
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Re: Carried everything but a baby :(

Dear Secrets,
My heart goes out to you as the same thing happened to me. I miscarried one baby in early weeks. One year later, I was pregnant again. I was so excited. Dr wanted me to have an ultrasound at two months to check to see if everything was OK. No bleeding, or problems. When I had ultrasound, the tech was very quiet. She made her pics and then said she would be right back. We waited for a while and then my ob/gyn came in and explained that I had had a miscarriage. He said in effect that the baby was there and then sorta was absorbed by my body. It was very hard but, I told myself that something was wrong with the baby and God was taking care of it. I was 39. One year later, I was pregnant again and all went well. I now have two girls, 20 and 16.
The pain will be with you for a while and you'll never forget that little one but, I feel that mine are stars in the sky. :-) God be with you.

UNCGAL

 
Old 01-01-2008, 08:53 PM   #8
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Re: Carried everything but a baby :(

Hi hon. I am so sorry for your loss. What I was told is that if you had a miscarrige it was because something was wrong with the baby. It had nothing to do with you. I know it is hard but it is better that it happend now than for your baby to say have a heart problem or something and only have a moment with him/her. You will get pregnant again. You will have your baby just this one wasn't meant to be. You will never forget but it will get easier. The tech was very rude and I can't believe how that was handled. If you want to try and get pregnant again wait 4 months and try again. ( that is how long my doc told me to wait) I wish you all the best in the future. But again IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. Good luck hon Sherri

 
Old 01-01-2008, 09:18 PM   #9
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Re: Carried everything but a baby :(

Secrets......

I'm sooo sorry for your loss I miscarried in December of 2006 at 17 weeks. It was a missed miscarriage, where i had no symptoms....... no bleeding or cramping..... & it turned out that my baby had actually died between 12 & 13 weeks & i had no idea until my waters broke in my sleep during the early hours of the morning & then i started spotting lightly! It was n't what i had imagined a miscarriage would be like that's for sure!!! I didn't even know it was my waters breaking until i got to the hospital several hours later & was told that there was no heartbeat & that there was not much fluid around my baby!!! It was then that i realised that it must have been my waters that had broken. I thought at the time i must have accidentally wet the bed, but i thought it was a bit strange because i'm a light sleeper & always know when i need to go to the toilet...... & when i got up out of bed & went to the toilet, i had a normal wee, so i was confused at how i could have wet the bed & then done a normal wee on the toilet. I didn't think for one minute that my waters had broken. It didn't even cross my mind!

That's why i didn't go immediately to the ED cos i had had spotting at 6 & 10 weeks & my OB just put it down to implantation bleeding, so i thought it was just that again..... cos he (my OB) said that some people can spot throughout their entire pregnancy & have a healthy baby at the end of it & that it seemed like my spotting episodes were coming around the times when my period should have been due, so i just thought it was that again. However, going to the ED immediately wouldn't have made any difference to the outcome for my baby anyway, because she had died weeks earlier, so i guess it just took my body that long to realise that something was just not right & that there wasn't a baby to accomodate my growing uterus..... so it just miscarried

I hope you take the time out to heal properly & i hope you can enjoy your trip that you had planned! I know it is hard..... & i know exactly what you mean when you say you feel like life has stopped!!! I always said that it felt like the world around me was continuing to turn as normal, but like my life had come to a halt And i hope i don't sound like a broken record when i say that it does get easier with every day that passes!!! You're going to have bad days & days when you feel better, but time really does heal...... it doesn't erase the memory, but it does heal!

It was mainly the fact that i just wanted my baby sooo much & wanted to be a mummy so badly, but i knew i had to heal emotionally & physically before trying again..... not to mention i had to wait for two normal periods before trying again anyway, but it wasn't just that.... i felt guilty for counting down the weeks until i could start trying for another baby again..... i just wanted to feel my baby inside me again!!! But i just felt so empty & numb...... & i even found myself rubbing my tummy & not eating certain foods because it could harm my "Baby". No matter how i tried i just couldn't come to terms with the fact that i was no longer a mummy...... so i took it upon myself to cope with my loss as best i knew how, so i stuck to my pregnancy diet (even though i was no longer pregnant), continued taking my pre-natals every day & focused on the positives that i was going to be happy one day!!!

I ended up having my two normal periods & then DH & i started trying for a baby..... & low & behold, my third period didn't come!!! I was over the moon.... but sooo sooo scared & anxious at every turn! It was an anxious first trimester & even up until about 24 weeks when i knew that my baby stood even a small chance up against the world! Every time i went to the toilet i checked the tissue for blood, every appt i felt nervous & sick to my stomach...... but then things started to get better. I didn't stop worrying as such, but i was able to relax a bit & i took the time to really enjoy my pregnancy!

I always told myself after my miscarriage, that once i got pregnant again i wasn't going to stress myself out because if something is going to go wrong then it will..... & my stressing would only make it worse...... so my best bet was to stay as stress-free as possible & to stay as positive as possible..... & it worked! I mean...... it wasn't a walk in the park, but i couldn't have asked for a better pregnancy really! My little girl was born on November 29th, 2007 & i thank god every day that i was blessed with her. I will never forget my 1st baby. I even made a Christmas bauble for her with her name on it & hung it on the Christmas tree, because we named her after finding out from the postmortem results that she was a girl.

I think about her often & a lot now that my baby has arrived..... but i can think of her with less pain..... it's not so raw i s'pose is the best way of describing it!!!

I wish you all the best for a bright & happy future.

Take care & enjoy your holiday..... you deserve it!

Numb xoxoxox

 
Old 01-02-2008, 06:34 AM   #10
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Re: Carried everything but a baby :(

I can related to your situation. I got pregnant with my first Jan/07 we went for the first ultrasound in March when I was to be almost 10 weeks. I had all the symptoms of pregancy and so on. My husband was not allowed in the room when the tech did the ultrasound as she told me he could come in later. She was very quiet during the u/s and never said a word to me. She called the radioligist on her headset and I heard them discuss my u/s while I was laying there I heard terms like "debris" and "inferior". I knew something was wrong. She said she could not discuss my results as a doctor had to tell me. She then called in my husband. I asked to see the u/s and she showed me - the sac was clearly visable but there was no baby in it. My husband asked if this was normal she said she couldn't comment. I cried all the way home as I knew I miscarried. I had to wait an entire week to hear it in person from my ob. I had a blighted ovum - meaning everything else kept developing while the baby had stopped developing very early on.

While going through the miscarriage that weekend I had another u/s before my d&c I talked to a different tech that was doing it this time and asked her why the other one didn't tell me anything and she said it is hospital policy that they cannot tell you - it has to be told to you by a doctor. She said she did many and some even on her friends and knew they were going to miscarry and couldn't even tell them. She however was much more friendlier and sympathetic than the first one whom my husband refers to as a cold "b..".

I am sorry for your loss, I know exactly how you feel. Take care

 
Old 01-02-2008, 08:40 AM   #11
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Re: Carried everything but a baby :(

Thankyou ALL for your time and support! Every day is a little easier. Maybe when I go back to work tomorrow (since I really haven't left the house in a week) life will be a little more normal. Although everyone there knew I was pregnant and I'm going to have to face all their questions. I'm a little nervous but once I get the first day back done with it should be better.

 
Old 01-03-2008, 09:23 AM   #12
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Re: Carried everything but a baby :(

im so sorry for your loss

people who work with things like this all the time forget how much it can emotionally hurt someone.
i was very young when i first fell pregnant (15) but it didnt mean i loved my bean any less than a 30 yr old. I should have been around 16 weeks, i still had all my cravings and symptoms I had passed the 12 week mark so to me everything was fine, but i started bleeding on the friday, went to the dr who tried to listen for a heartbeat, when he couldnt hear one he referred me for an u/s but it wasnt until the monday. all the weekend i had unbelievable pains but still remained hopeful, when i had my u/s all that was said to me was ''your pregnancy has terminated itself, do you want a d&c?'' it turned out that my little bean had died at around 8 weeks, i was devastated
that was almost 10 yrs ago (wow dont i feel old) i still remember everything like it was yesterday but the pain does fade. I got pregnant over 4 yrs ago and have a beautiful daughter who turns 4 tomorrow, then we started trying for baby no 2, when i fell preg we were so excited, we told absolutely everyone and sadly i miscarried again on jan 6th 2006, i felt so awful having to tell everyone and being around people, then we had a girl come to work with us who was 5 months preg, it just felt like it was being rubbed in my face but then in july by surprise i found out i was pregnant again and went on to have my son.
Like Numb i freaked out the whole time i was preg, and even though Jakes 9 months old i still check the tp every time lol, force of habbit i guess.
you will never forget your little bean and i know it doesnt feel like it at the moment but time really is a great healer. Just take things one day at a time.

wishing you all the best for 2008
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Mia-Louise jan '04
Jacob april '07

 
Old 01-03-2008, 09:57 AM   #13
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Re: Carried everything but a baby :(

well telll your daughter happy birthday for me! I worry about miscarrying again since I've heard a lot of people have their 2nd and 3rd times trying. Today is hard because its been exactly a week almost to the hour that I found out I lost my baby. Things were getting easier but today is a set back. I remember every little detail. The ride there, the visit, the ride home (crying), the D&C, the pain, the recovery......EVERYTHING . Flash backs all day long and crying. I really dont want to go to work but I have to. Its been almost 3 weeks being out of work (I was on vacation before I found out) and need to pay bills. I've been hiding away for a week and thats where I got compfortable dealing with things. I do know that life moves on but its hard.

 
Old 01-10-2008, 07:16 AM   #14
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Re: Carried everything but a baby :(

So I know I'm not supossed to have a tampon in or have sex or have anything in there for 2 weeks after surgury. Now its been 2 weeks but a couple days ago we had sex and afterwards I went to the bathroom and wiped and there was a whole stitch on the tissue. I dont know if it was from sex or if it just came out natrually. Should stitches do that? You know whats funny? I've never had a D&N before and really had no clue that they cut me or stitched me! Wow, dumb huh? Anyway, its wierd bc the bleeding actually stopped after that! Everything seems fine really. I just wasnt sure if it was supossed to do that.

 
Old 01-10-2008, 10:22 AM   #15
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Re: Carried everything but a baby :(

There are no stitches with a d&c.

 
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