I had a miscarriage at 18 weeks 6 years ago. I was told it was due to a blood clot in my uterus that made me contract. What's funny is the night before this happened, I had to go to the ER because I thought my water had broke, but they put me on a monitor and said the baby was fine. That very night at 2am, I started having severe cramps, like period cramps, and ran to the bathroom where I proceeded to "give birth" on the toilet. To this day, I still don't believe that everything was fine when I was in the ER. I know my water broke, but they swear that I didn't. I still don't have the answers that I think I deserve.
I'm soooo sorry for you. Do you have any other children?
I had something very unfortunate happen with my son at 20 weeks... he was born and died an hour later. We think we got answers as to what happened, but it still isn't enough and I still don't believe the story. This was fifteen years ago... his birthday should have been this Friday. You don't ever really forget the babies you've lost... I'm convinced of that, as we've lost nine altogether. The good news is that we have one very wonderful young man for a son... nineteen years old.
After all the losses, I decided to try and make the rest of my life as positive as I could and then maybe all the misery would have served a purpose. I've spent the last several years working with the elderly thinking that if I couldn't be more "successful" in the beginning of life I'd work with situations that involved the end of life.
Yes, we have 2 other children, which are a blessing. Our son is 10 and our daughter is 6. Our 6 year old was only 2 months old when I got pregnant with our son(Aidan)that we lost. He would have been due on our daughter's birthday, so he would be turning 6 when she would be turning 7.
The way I was treated in the ER and in recovery(had D&C) was awful. They kept the baby, still attached to cord, at my feet for 2 hours while I waited in the ER for a doctor. Then, before they did the D&C, they put me in the same room I gave birth to my daughter in. After the D&C, they had a few nurses come in and a preacher to convince me to hold him. They said I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't. I believe to this day that I made the right decision. My husband held him, but I couldn't bring myself to do that. To make matters worse, they took pictures of him in "newborn" clothes, like it was no big deal. To this day, I can't get past how they treated the whole situation.
My kids know about their little brother and ask questions about him. I just tell them that he went to be with God and they will see him again someday.
Oh, that's great that you've got other children. It helped me that we had our four year old when this happened. That's just terrible what happened to you at the hospital too!!! Did they at least cover Aidan up? Things are so different between hospitals, that's for sure. In my pregnancy, I just started having labor pains one morning in the beginning of my 20th week, so I went to the hospital. They did monitors, ultrasounds, and tests, and the baby was "fine." I could feel him moving the entire time. I asked the doctor to give me the drugs that stop labor and he told me that it was too early.... even if I held on to my pregnancy, we would never make it to term. I told him "That's probably okay because my four-year-old was two months premature with absolutely NO complications, so maybe this baby will be okay too if I can just hang on to him for a few more weeks." I was refused the treatment even though I offered to sign whatever papers they put in front of me. Honestly, you have more rights aborting a baby than trying to save one.... it boggled my mind. I remained hospitalized and in labor for 36 hours before Eric was "born." Doctors and nurses avoided my room, and right when I was being wheeled into delivery, a social worker showed up to see if I needed any "help." Yeah, right. The doctor told us he would prolapse the cord before the baby was delivered and that way he would have expired inside the womb... which would be easier for us to deal with. Well, he didn't even do that right because we could see Eric's little heart beating for the hour he was with us. He was clinically "alive." I did hold him but don't remember much... lots of drugs and grief. I asked the hospital staff to take pictures and they acted like they'd never heard of such a request. The pictures are very blurry and I have looked at them exactly twice in fifteen years. It's such a personal choice but I felt like I had no other control at that point, so I insisted. The hospital sent me home with the blanket they covered Eric with.... a handmade crocheted blanket. It was pretty, but....??? THEN on Christmas Eve day I received a bill from the hospital for $4,000, not covered by insurance. When I called the insurance company, they told me I received the bill because I hadn't registered my son. Thankfully, the represetative was a very kind gentleman who sounded very moved by my story and told me not to worry; he would take care of it... and he did. Those were the darkest days of my life..... Luckily I had a little boy at home who needed me and was dealing with his own grief. He had a tough time in preschool and the teachers worked with us to help him. Poor little Michael thought he'd caused problems for the baby because he always sat on my lap. I'm telling you if I hadn't been so focused on staying strong for Michael and my husband, I'd have gone off the deep end. You wonder why things like this happen. The doctors found out the clinical reason for me years later.... it seems I have lupus and it affected my reproductive system. As far as any spiritual or religious reasons for this, I'm still waiting for the answer.
Wow, I can't believe how helpful it is to have written down this story during the week our son should've turned fifteen. I still miss him.
I also had a miscarriage at 18 week with my 2nd son 13 months ago.
I had a lot of problems during the birth my first son. He was born prematurly and had to be rushed to NICU. I lost a lot of blood and had to have blood infusion. I still remembered how cold and thirsty I felt at recovery room. I almost died if the nurse didn't check on me. I had c-section because of complication. So basically I couldn't feel a thing waist down. I didn't even know I was losing blood. I kept telling the nurse I was thirsty and cold. She just gave me water and more blanket. After a while I was shaking so hard the whole bed was rattling. The nurse opened my blanket and called out the other nurse to call the doctor right away. I couldn't image what would happen if I was left un-noticed... Good thing that my son came out ok and is now 3 and healthy.
Then I tried to have a 2nd baby. At 18 weeks I went into labor. The doctor put me on all kind of drips. He told me that if my water broke, then the baby is lost. I stayed flat for over 12 hours. Then my water broke and I started to cry. The doctor said that the medication didn't work on embryo less than 24 weeks. He also couldn't figure out why I went into labor. He told me that since we couldn't keep the baby, let's induce him. I had never hurt so much in my life, both physically and emotionally. I was crying so much they had to put me to sleep after the delivery. They've asked me whether I want to see the baby and I said no. I just couldn't bring myself to.
I want to have another baby but my husband is against it. He said that I almost died the first time. My baby died the 2nd time. He doesn't want to chance it again. But I really want to have a little sister or brother for my son...
And I was secretly hoping that my dead baby would make it back to me next time around...
I'm so sorry for your troubles. That sounds awful. We lost our second son fifteen years ago when my first son was only four. How old is your son? Though I don't know you, I do know the strong desire to have more children... must be a hard choice for you to make right now. I'd have to say, though, that your husband sounds wise in wanting to preserve you and your health by not having another baby. In my case, we went through years of infertility and ten pregnancies with only one surviving child -- who is now nineteen years old and a great kid. He was born two months premature but you'd never know it now.
I believe your son will make it back to you one day. I firmly believe things happen for reasons..... have faith. He may come back to you in some other way or some other form, but it will happen. I decided to start working with the elderly to help get through it all. I figured that since I wasn't too successful creating life that I would help those on the other end of life. It's worked out well and I feel a purpose now and am a happy person. I feel my son's death helped lead me in this direction. I sure miss having him, but I can't change what happened.... It does help to talk, though.
You are such a strong person. I cannot imagine going through what you've gone through. 9 failed pregnancies. You really have to be strong to endure.
My son is turning 3 this month. He is such an Angel. Sometime he would look at me and said, "mommy, how come you are so pretty?" Even though I know I am not what you would call "beautiful", but it always makes my day. I spoil him a bit, but I just can't help it...
Thank you for saying that. It means a lot, especially today as this should have been my son Eric's fifteenth birthday. I wasn't even going to visit this board but I've thought about him more than ever all week (the other babies too), and now I'm glad I wrote. It does help to talk sometimes.
Your little boy is lucky to have a "beautiful" mom who gives him so much attention... I'm sure you mean the entire world to him. I remember my son, Michael, when he was little like that. He never wanted me out of his sight. Well, now he's nineteen and all that's definitely changed... as it should be. Although we're still close, I miss my little boy. Children are a true gift from God and not everybody is blessed to have even one. Sooo.... Give that little guy of yours a hug from a woman who's missing those hugs today... I hope that doesn't sound strange, but I think you understand after all you've been through. You're fortunate to have that time with your son right now.