I just had a miscarriage 4 days ago. I'm so grief stricken, I don't know what to do. I already have two beautiful kids. Everyone keeps telling me that, like this baby I lost doesnt matter. I cant even go in public and look people in the eye. I feel like its somehow my fault. This was so unexpected. I went to the er cause I thought I had food poisoning, after an ultrasound the doc comes in and tells me that I had a case of fetal demise. they think they have to put it in words they think you cant understand, but I knew. what a shock. So my ob doc came and said they were prepping the room for the dnc. then he let me go home, which was my choice. I wasnt quite ready for them to scrape my dead baby out yet. So four days later, I figured I would be scheduled for the horrible task of taking the baby out. But my doc says now that we are going to wait until I start bleeding and cramping before he does anything. We have to let the tissue start to die and rot so it will be easier on me. Does this seem normal to anyone? How many days to I have to walk around with me dead baby in me? This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
i am so sorry for your loss. i know its hard not to think it but it is NOT your fault,
have you told your ob how you feel? to be honest i cant see why he is wanting to wait after he was prepping the room wile you where there at first.
with my first pregnancy my baby had died at 8 weeks but i knew nothing of it until i was what should have been 16 weeks, i had to wait 4 days until i had a D&C but that was because it was late on a friday when i found out.
i would definately go back to your ob and stress how you feel.
unfortunately people who havent been through the situation themselves say things they believe will help but it just makes you feel worse, when trying for baby no2 i had another miscarriage and people would remind me that at least i had my daughter ,, as if my miscarried baby didnt matter. thats where i found great comfort in these boards. the lady's here are so understanding, they dont judge you, they sympathise with you as they have all been through what you are going through now.
dont feel guilty for grieving, if you want to burst into tears dont keep it in.
i am sorry for what you are going through, x
Mia-Louise jan '04
Jacob april '07
Hey Starla, I know exactly how you feel. On May 9th I heard my baby of 12 weeks heartbeat and it was so amazing. Friday, May 16th I woke up with a tiny bit of spotting. I'm only 20 years old, so I have just been nervous about this happening, I have wanted this baby since the moment i seen that positive test. I called my mom right after i noticed the spotting and she told me to get on the phone with my doctor... i put it off, i just figured spotting is normal to some people why not me.. well my mom got on my case so i called the doctor and they had me come in right away for an ultra sound. I asked the lady if i can see my baby.. and she was like NO.. in a very rude matter. She called another doctor which wasn't mine into the room.. and they wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't let me see my baby, i left the hospital for the clinic and my doctor came in with bad news. I'm sorry Krystal but you baby didn't survived. I was horrified, i couldn't speak. My mom asked the doctor what next, and he replied.. well we will wait till monday and take the baby out. I was even more horrified.. just thinking you expect me to just walk around with my baby who doesn't have a heartbeat inside me for the weekend.. This is just killing me.. And now all i can think about is what do they do with my baby when they take her out.. throw her in the garbage.. I mean.. what do they do? I want to see her, but that will just be more horrifing than never seeing her. I'm crushed, im angry and i can't think straight. Tomorrow they are taking my first baby out of my tummy and i really don't know how to handle it. I keep thinking they made a mistake and my baby is still alive.. And i get so mad thinking about my doctor.. I was 12 weeks... in my 2nd trimester.. i found out a 5 weeks.. and he only did 1 prenatal checkup.. only 1.. not any blood work, no peeing in a cup to make sure everything is goin okay.. NOTHING.. what if it could have been prevented.. What if i can't have a baby ever again.. i know this is all like out there.. but i just don't know how to express myself..
Hey sweetie, I misscarried 3 wks ago, I did see the baby, or what they call the sack. It looked just like an old grape. It was easier for me to think of it as a group of cells then an actual baby. It was really hard for me to wrap what should of ben my baby in a pad an throw it away. I spent 8 hours in the emergency waiting room. I bleed all over the chair. I went and yelled at the nurse behind the counter, "I told her even if they could save my pregnancy it would be to late." She said if I am misscarring there is nothing the doctors can do, but wait it out. So I was not really considered an emergency. I could of strangled her.. You are further along then I was. It is so hard, our society dose not have a funeral or any protocol for a lose like this. The hardest part for me was to tell all our freinds and family about the BAD news. Keep up with your regular routine, go to work, go to school, what ever it is you do. A good friend told me, "everything happends for a reason, NOTHING is left to chance. It was most likly for the best." I know that does not make you feel better. I read 60-80% of weman have a misscarriage in there life. Just because we have had one does not mean we can't have children. I read some where on line that we have an 80% chance to not have another misscarriage. Those are betting odds. Alot of woman have misscarriages, and have totally normal pregnancy afterward. We just have to stay as healthy as possible. Take care of yourself, eat right, take the over the counter pre-natel vitamins. Don't be afraid to try again. Your future child will be worth the wait. This is a life lesson we could not of learned any other way. We are strong, and we will go on fighting, and we will have as many children as we want. We just have to stay the course. I hope I have brought you some comfort, even though I know from experiance how hard this is. And know matter what anybody says your grieveing, and you feel like someone stoled your baby right out of your body. You have a right to your feelings. All doctors are diffrent and all doctors have diffrent oppinions and protocol. My heart is going out to you, I am so sorry if this not what you want to hear. I have all the same emotions you do. From experiance, it helps to talk about it, so many of us understand, and have ben through the same thing. Stay real, stay practacal, stay smart. You could not of done anything diffrent or better. You did everything you could. This is not your fault. People have ben getting pregnate and having children long before there was even a medical feild.
I am so sorry to hear but something happned to me at week 19th. I heard baby's heart beat on week 15th and my doctor booked me for another u/s on may20th. I had no bleeding no pain I went for u/s and they told me that baby is dead three weeks ago. I heard the heartbeat on april 25th something happned after that day. It is making me so mad what happned my doctor is saying baby was fine and perfect I am 27 and first baby and they didnot suspect anythinng from me like nothing so what this happned to me I was so ready for my baby I was so excited I was talkking to my baby and making plan with my baby. I am really sad and I am feeling I am going crazy. It is just happnd few days back so it is just very sad and angry. Monady they will take out my baby and same thing i was feeling what they do with baby probably through him in garbage making me so sad I am just crying from last three days just crying every moment feel like life is so unfair and I am very sad..................
First of all it's not your fault... You didn't do anything wrong. My heart goes out to you completely. I myself had a miscarriage during the holiday season. The day before Thanksgiving in fact... Even though you already have 2 beautiful children a miscarriage is still a loss you still had a child growing inside you and from the moment that you find out you are bonded to that child. It is a horrible loss. It still makes me sad especially as I approach what would have been my due date. I used to find myself looking at women who were pregant or little babies and just horrible sadness and sometimes even a little bitterness. I didn't understand why it happened and what I was being "punished for". My heart would break and I would almost lose it in the store. People said things to me as well ike you know this is gods way of cleaning up for something that wasn't supposed to happen and that the baby had it been born probaly would have had all kinds of problems and then of course the well it was never born so you can try again. It's still a loss and you have to grief for that loss. I still have my bad days I don't have them as much as I used too but sometimes I do look at babies and still feel sadness. I haven't dared try again yet that is one part of fear that I haven't conquered because the first miscarriage nearly killed me I don't know if I could do it again and that fear that it will happen again... But my heart goes out to you and all I can say that is that every day it gets a little easier you never forget but you go on.... Just know you aren't alone and you did nothing wrong.
Your doctor was full of crap to say you needed to wait until the sides started to rot! I miscarried 8 weeks ago with a blighted ovum. I was 8 weeks pregnant and my first ob told me I had had a miscarriage. I went for a second opinion, very confused, and the midwife explained it was a blighted ovum and explained what that is. He then gave me options and was stunned at how big my placenta was. You have the right to say whether you want it to come out naturally or a D&C. I had a D&C done a week later after researching because I was ready to say goodbye and try again. I have friends who wanted it naturally because they weren't ready to say goodbye. Never feel pressured to make a decision like that. I feel your lose. There is nothing anyone can say to ease the pain you feel. It'll take time and it's okay to feel upset and confused. The surgeon let me and my husband know that there was nothing we could have taken, done to cause the miscarriage and explained the process of miscarriages and how complicated making a baby is for our bodies. I hope this helps a little, but like I said take your time to grieve and ignore dumb comments like "Well, at least you can get pregnant". You lost something precious and only those who have gone through it can understand.
I had a miscarriage 10 weeks ago and sometimes still find it hard.This is the second time we have lost our baby and it does leave a massive gap.We lost our first 11 years ago and have since had a very health girl who we love with all our heart.We decided to try again and sadly was told in week 11 that their was no heartbeat found.We had a day to think of what to do (dnc or natural) and was booked in the next day.It has taken a lot of time and love to get over it and come together as a family.But we have and will get through it.
I have fears about trying again but now have to make a decision of when to try??I have found great help in reading other peoples stories and realising that im not on my own.
hello i read your letter and i feel the same way i have three children but when i lost my twins at 11.5 weeks i can't express the heart ache ,anger everything that you said people do say the wrong things and instead of saying something stupid don't say anything at all
I find a great help that their are other people out their who know exactly what i have been going through.Even though i dont actually know anyone on this board it has helped in many ways,just to be able to express myself.Over time i will get through this and im sure i/we will try again.
I also just found out yesterday, through an ultrasound that there is no heart beat after 13 weeks. I really do feel your pain and am very much still in shock.
What didn't help matters was today when my so-called best friend totally freaked me out by claiming that I was probably never pregnant (I had taken a pregancy test early on - so I don't know what she was getting at). Then she started going on about how the midwife had acted very strangely by not giving me a blood test to confirm the pregnancy straight away & probably also doubted my pregnancy. I can imagine her maybe making some observations about what had happened had she been a doctor/midwife etc. but she's a stay at home mom!! I'm fuming to say the least!
I had waited about 2 weeks to have the D & C done after no heartbeat was found at 8 weeks. The reason for the wait was that my Ob and the other OB in his office would do a D & C plus remove fibroids.
It did feel weird to know he was in there, but I wanted the OB to do the best job possible so I waited. I know the other OB by reputation and know he is good at his job.
I am sorry for your loss. All of our losses. I also know that we will all manage somehow, eventually.