Hope2Heal

Hello

I am so sorry for your incredible loss. I lost my first son at 36 weeks, though his causes were mostly unknown. He was born emergency C-section and died during delivery. I understand the feeling that "I could have prevented this or I could have done more. " Almost 3.5 years later I still feel that way. As a mother, we always take on the guilt that we should have done more for our kids. My second son was born a 1.5 years later, very healthy and wonderful, justturned 2. I couldn't change what happened with my first, but I took many preventative measures with my second.

As for faith, I am not a religious person although I was raised catholic. I am not a person to believe "God took my child because he needed him." I also do not believe my child's death was "god's will" .When people told me this Iactually told them to shut up. I informed them that God actually wanted my child born and alive but it was human error (in my case, neglect of doctors to notice a problem) that took my child's life. It is unjust and senseless. It hurts. I read the book' When bad things happen to good people" and it was good to help you keep the faith and put thngs in perspective.

I will be back to check on you so keep posting. It does help to talk with others who have been through it. Most people who have not lost a baby have no idea what you are going through.

Oh, and it will get better. I promise. But it will take time.

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H2H