vatrilla

I like so many of you miscarried in the second trimester. I hate the thought of it, but I'll never forget the day that I was told since it is a date that most of us will never forget (Sept.11).

It was so strange to me and at the same time at my last appointment before that I remember thinking that something didn't sound right when I heard the heartbeat. It took my doctor a really long time to find it during my appointment Aug. 11, but when I heard it I remember thinking that it just didn't sound right to me (I already have 2 boys). But I pushed the thought out of my mind and didn't even tell my husband.

Then I went back for my check up in Sept. at which time I was suppose to be 19 weeks and couldn't wait till I got to find out what I was having the following week. However I had spotted ever so slightly a few days before the appointment, but didn't think too much of it as it was the day after I had had intercourse. I did tell my doctor of the bleeding and after he couldn't find the heartbeat he decided to do a pelvic exam and found my uterus to be small so he sent me for an ultrasound. After the ultrasound tech did her measuring she informed me that there was no heartbeat (I had tried to think positive up to that point, but my heart broke at that moment) and that the fetus looked to have stopped growing at 13 weeks.

Afterwards my OB told me that he wanted to wait and see if I'd miscarry on my own, which after 2 weeks I never did. So on the 26th I went in for a D&C. When I came out of my sleep my husband informed me that there had been a problem and the doctor thought that he had punchered a vein. I stayed in the hospital for 12 hours and was then sent home that night being told that I needed to rest.

However on the 28th I woke up with intense back pain and nothing I took would make the pain go away so I decided to wait till the next day and if it didn't go away I was going to go to the hospital again. Later on the 28th at around 4:45PM and still having back pain I went to use the bathroom. I remember feeling something rather strange then all of a sudden I remember seeing something and realized that it was my baby, still attached to me. Again I went to the hospital, basically in labor where the ER gave me everything they could think of, but nothing touched the pain. The OB at the hosptial informed me that the baby looked to be almost 17 weeks old, so the ultrasound tech had been wrong in here exam. I then had to have another D&C done as the OB that was on-call noted that my uterus was filled with blood clots and tissue. Everything went good for that D&C.

I can however honestly say that I feel traumatized by those events and am now hesitant on having another child of my own. We (my husband and I) had planned to make this our last child so I really had a hard time with it and even afterwards he tried to push to have me get my tubes tied (he doesn't really want any more children), but I couldn't bring myself to do it. So instead we have decided to wait a few years.

I hope this doesn't make anyone too upset or angery, but I needed to vent. Thanks for listening!