I am sooo sorry for your loss
I too lost my first baby, a little girl, Caitlyn at 17 weeks on December 9th 2006. I had a missed miscarriage & was given no answers as to what happened, which i was told was a good thing because otherwise it can get complicated if there was certain reasons for her death.
Congratulations on your pregnancy news & i'm wishing you all the luck in the world. Try to enjoy it, even though i know it's easier said than done, but like other posters have mentioned, it's in Gods hands anyway, so you might as well make the most of it & try to enjoy every minute.
DH & i were unsure on when to start trying again aswell, but we were just told 1 normal period (could be because i was a lot earlier on than you). So we waited one period & then started trying & tested when my second period was due, but i wasn't pregnant & i got a little disheartened. But then i realised..... this is my body's way of telling me it's just not ready! Then i too was asking myself how do i not think about it all the time...... but i just settled with that it will happen when my body is ready & that stressing about it will only delay it. So then we tried the following month & fell pregnant with my Beautiful little girl Isabella (now 18 months) who was due on 1st December (So 8 days before the 1 year anniversary of the loss of Caitlyn).
My angel baby was due on the 19th May & from the day i lost her to the day i fell pregnant i wondered how i would cope that day! But when i found out i was pregnant in February 2006, i had something positive to focus on. I'm not saying that i forgot about my angel baby..... it just made it bearable for me when that date came around, because i felt like my world was turning again & i wasn't still stuck in pause mode watching the rest of the world go round.
That was so hard feeling as though the rest of the world was still turning & i was in a glass box just watching it. All i wanted to be was a Mummy & had had that taken away from me, so the waiting to try again was so frustrating!
I coped well when Caitlyn's due date came around. I was about 3 months pregnant with Isabella & DH & i planted a frangipani tree that we were given by family friends when we lost our little girl. Then Isabella was born on the 29th November (2 days earlier than her expected due date), & everything went well. She is now a happy healthy 18 month old & we are currently trying for a little baby brother or sister for her
So with Isabella's birth, that also made the 1 year anniversary of our loss easier to bear. Plus we were so busy. But we didn't (& never will) forget our Angel baby Caitlyn..... we take strength from the thought that she is up there looking down on us & protecting us.
As for your friend, for some reason she doesn't seem to understand how you're hurting & she does need to be told. Perhaps if you just have a heart to heart with her it might work. Those things she said are very inconsiderate of your feelings & i can't believe she said them to be honest..... but she sounds quite self-absorbed so she may not have even realised what she's doing/saying.
I also don't think you should be organising her baby shower for her, as you are just not ready at the moment. You need to focus on yourself & the new little life inside you
So while talking to her about what she's saying & how it affects you, maybe just tell her that you don't feel up to throwing her baby shower & that you have a bit to work through at the moment. But that's not to say you shouldn't go to the baby shower. That is entirely up to you & how you're feeling closer to the date. And who knows, now that you're pregnant again, you might decide you want to throw her a baby shower.
Anyhow, i could rant & rave all day, but i'd better cut it short[er] than u intended HAHHA. An idea would be to do something special for your baby Madilyn on her due date, perhaps plant a nice tree or bury a letter box in the garden for her! It helped me in my grieving process & moving forward with my life.
Also, your pregnancy WILL feel as though it's going sooo slowly, but once you give birth to your little bundle of joy, you'll wonder where the time went, so really enjoy being pregnant & use this special time for bonding with your little bean! Just try & think of the positives & the light at the end of the tunnell. It took me a while, but i can remember one day just waking up & thinking "I can see a happy ending now!". So lap it up sweety
Goodluck with the remainder of your pregnancy & keep us all updated on the pregnancy board.