Kierstynsmommy

Hello,
I have had a few losses in my life already and needing all the support I can get..
I recently givin birth to my fourth child, which was a little boy named Darrin, he was born on Feb 18 09..
My second child, Brett is about 19 months old and he has gives me the strength to keep going after I lost my first child, a daughter named Kierstyn when she was 2wks old, she died due to a heart condition, (coataion of the aorta) she also had turner sydrome...
My husband and I took Kierstyn home and on the 9th day of her birth is when Kierstyn started breathing funny and so we rushed her to the emergency room and that is where she stopped breathing on us for over 10 minutes .
My husband and I found out all the details of her condition after she was admitted to the NICU .
It was the same hospital I too had a grand mal seizure ( I had severe pre ecempsia and toxemia also high blood pressure) and stopped breathing for almost 4 mins myself, the same day, Aug 4th 06 my doctor decided to do a emergancy c-section to get Kierstyn out.
I don't remember much with giving birth to Kierstyn as I was put under and 3 days later woke up to a gorgeous little angel in front of me..
I do cherish the time I remember with her and am very thankful that I am able to have more children..
As my son, Brett was born Aug 09,07 and I was only on bed rest for 2 months and no signs of pre ecempsia so my husband and I thought of trying for another baby and I found out I was pregnant again Feb 08 (6wks) and miscarried that baby, which has been hard on me as well.. (Emotionally and Physically because of the heartache we already went though losing our daughter, we didn't think we would go though more) ..

I know I am not alone with losing a infant also miscarrying etc..
I guess I felt I could get though this with little to no help but I was wrong, with the mixed emotions that I had another babyboy..
It may be because I am still greving for my daughter and wishing to of had another little girl to do all the hopes and dreams I longed to do with Kierstyn.. I guess it doesn't help almost everyone I know are having little girls, it hurts even though Darrin looks so much like his big sister which usually helps me except for today, It still hard for me to go into stores and not look in the direction of cute dresses for the holidays......
But at this moment I guess I just can't help but feel sorry for myself and need help getting though the bad days still..
Thank you for listening and hope to find many friends joining this group..
Lots of hugs,
Kierstynsmommy