Having something so precious taken away so soon
When something sad or evocative happens, I feel the urge to write. Bear with me!
At the beginning of March, I met and fell in love with a wonderful man. We are so keen on one another that we will be getting married before the year is out. A couple of weeks ago I found out I had fallen pregnant. It was a massive shock initially, I have spent all of my life thinking that babies were not something I wanted and since meeting my fiance, all that changed.
After the initial shock of my conceptive reality, I have spent the last few weeks getting used to the idea. I realised that the first 12 weeks of pregnancy are a delicate time and made sure that I started taking all the vitamins and minerals I could to ensure my health improved to nourish and nurture the embryo. As most expectant mums can probably relate, I tried to imagine who the baby might look like, how labour would be, when would I start to show...the list goes on. The past few days I have started to get symptoms such as sickness, lethargy and the need to go to the toilet a lot. I saw my doctor just over a week ago and as of today, I was 6 weeks pregnant.
This morning and I felt no different really and went downstairs to the toilet. I noticed I had lost some blood and so rang the doctor who advised that there is a possibility I could be miscarrying but that some blood loss can occur in a healthy pregnancy. I didn't have any pains really and so I tried to reassure myself that everything is ok. As the day has progressed, I have lost more and more blood and am now 95% convinced I am suffering a miscarriage.
I cannot lie, I have been really upset and rocked by this. I can now totally appreicate how expectant mothers to be (no matter what stage of pregnancy they are in) can feel when something like this happens. It is really sad and effects people in different ways I am sure. I feel like nature is separating me from something really special, I know there are reasons why the body miscarries but I cannot help but feel devastated at my loss.
I just wanted to offer our reassurings hug and thoughts to anyone else who has gone or is going through this. It is not easy and might be something perfectly natural but it does not take away the hurt, disappointment and pain that miscarriage can inflict.
I know I will get over this, my partner is supportive and I am confident that, when the time is right and my body is ready, we can have a baby but for the first time in my life...my maternal instinct is alive and full engaged!