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Miscarriage & Still Birth Message Board
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Old 09-07-2012, 06:28 PM   #1
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Join Date: Sep 2012
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sargent1209 HB User
Unhappy Miscarriage and Still Birth at 37 weeks.

On July 31, 2012 I was just going in for a regular appointment. I felt fine and thought everything was going great. I was just waiting around, anticipating the birth of my son Logan. When I went in they couldn't find his heartbeat, the utter panic that set in instantly was overwhelming. When the doctor finally came in to confirm my worst fears I nearly fell to the floor. I was alone at this appointment and my husband was more than an hour away. They attempted to let me call him but when I couldn't find the words to speak the nurse gave him the news. I sat there for a long time with my doctor trying to make sense of what was happening. I was trying to stay calm and wrap my head around the whole situation (and was doing pretty well), until he said, "you have to deliver." That was the last bit for me I lost all control at that point. They induced me the next afternoon. My entire pregnancy I dreaded labor and delivery, so the entire day I was terrified as well as an emotional wreck. I was in labor for about 10 hours. I delivered my beautiful baby boy at 9:50 p.m. on August 1st. He was 6lbs 5oz and 19inches long. The doctor that delivered said that after I delivered him and my placenta there was a lot of blood and she said that her first instinct was that I had a placental abruption/detachment. Now a few weeks later when she got the pathology report back she said that it seems that that was not the cause(or not the only factor, atleast). She's doing more blood tests to try and find some reasoning, but she doesnt seem hopeful.

I guess at this point the hardest part to deal with is that I feel that I did everything that I was supposed to do. I took everything they told me, did everything they told me and never missed an appointment. I even went in at the slightest sign of something wrong. However, everytime nothing was wrong. A week before he passed I had gone into the emergency room because I felt lack of movement. I was there for hours with them monitoring me and everything was fine, his heartbeat was good and finally I had felt him move. While I was there they told me that little movement was normally because they get into position to come out and they become very still. So his lack of movement I tried not to think about. Now I feel that I should have paniced. I should have demanded that they watch me more closely. I should have done something. Something...

It's hard to understand why my son was taken and it seems like at this point that I will never have a reason. I have lost all my faith in God at this point and feel that I will never regain it. How could he take me innocent little boy for what seems like no reason. My family keeps telling me that God has a plan, well he's an evil and cruel God then, and honestly I want nothing to do with him. My dad tells me that we all got a life lesson in how precious life is and he's right. I do think that if we decide to try again, which I think my husband and I will at some point, that it will make me a better mother because I will appreciate my children more. Maybe it will.

I want to say that for all you mothers out there that have gone through something similar, that I am so sorry for you. I wish the loss of a child on no one, not even people I hate. No one should have to feel this kind of pain. If you have other children be thankful for them and hold them and your significant other close because life is precious. If you've been through and/or are going through this you know this for a fact.

 
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Old 09-16-2012, 10:19 PM   #2
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videogamecrazed HB User
Re: Miscarriage and Still Birth at 37 weeks.

Your story is almost identical to mine. so very sorry for your loss. im actually awake now becajuse i cant stop thinking of my little boy. He has only been gone 2 months now but seems like yesterday. god bless

 
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Old 09-17-2012, 08:07 PM   #3
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Join Date: Sep 2012
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sargent1209 HB User
Re: Miscarriage and Still Birth at 37 weeks.

I am so sorry...It's scary to me to find that so many people have been in this situation. When I was pregnant I never even thought this could happen to me...I was perfectly healthy. My son has been gone almost two months too and I think about him all the time and have trouble sleeping myself. Have you thought about having other children? I want a child so bad but I am terrified of something like this happening to us again. My husband wants a son so bad I just feel like I let him down somehow?...He's more broken up than I am because he was so ready to be a dad and start bonding with the son he always wanted...A few days ago we got back the rest of my test results and they still have no answers...now we never will and thats hard too....Again I am so sorry that you have gone through this too.

 
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Old 09-24-2012, 03:14 AM   #4
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 9
datAMC31 HB User
Re: Miscarriage and Still Birth at 37 weeks.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sargent1209 View Post
On July 31, 2012 I was just going in for a regular appointment. I felt fine and thought everything was going great. I was just waiting around, anticipating the birth of my son Logan. When I went in they couldn't find his heartbeat, the utter panic that set in instantly was overwhelming. When the doctor finally came in to confirm my worst fears I nearly fell to the floor. I was alone at this appointment and my husband was more than an hour away. They attempted to let me call him but when I couldn't find the words to speak the nurse gave him the news. I sat there for a long time with my doctor trying to make sense of what was happening. I was trying to stay calm and wrap my head around the whole situation (and was doing pretty well), until he said, "you have to deliver." That was the last bit for me I lost all control at that point. They induced me the next afternoon. My entire pregnancy I dreaded labor and delivery, so the entire day I was terrified as well as an emotional wreck. I was in labor for about 10 hours. I delivered my beautiful baby boy at 9:50 p.m. on August 1st. He was 6lbs 5oz and 19inches long. The doctor that delivered said that after I delivered him and my placenta there was a lot of blood and she said that her first instinct was that I had a placental abruption/detachment. Now a few weeks later when she got the pathology report back she said that it seems that that was not the cause(or not the only factor, atleast). She's doing more blood tests to try and find some reasoning, but she doesnt seem hopeful.

I guess at this point the hardest part to deal with is that I feel that I did everything that I was supposed to do. I took everything they told me, did everything they told me and never missed an appointment. I even went in at the slightest sign of something wrong. However, everytime nothing was wrong. A week before he passed I had gone into the emergency room because I felt lack of movement. I was there for hours with them monitoring me and everything was fine, his heartbeat was good and finally I had felt him move. While I was there they told me that little movement was normally because they get into position to come out and they become very still. So his lack of movement I tried not to think about. Now I feel that I should have paniced. I should have demanded that they watch me more closely. I should have done something. Something...

It's hard to understand why my son was taken and it seems like at this point that I will never have a reason. I have lost all my faith in God at this point and feel that I will never regain it. How could he take me innocent little boy for what seems like no reason. My family keeps telling me that God has a plan, well he's an evil and cruel God then, and honestly I want nothing to do with him. My dad tells me that we all got a life lesson in how precious life is and he's right. I do think that if we decide to try again, which I think my husband and I will at some point, that it will make me a better mother because I will appreciate my children more. Maybe it will.

I want to say that for all you mothers out there that have gone through something similar, that I am so sorry for you. I wish the loss of a child on no one, not even people I hate. No one should have to feel this kind of pain. If you have other children be thankful for them and hold them and your significant other close because life is precious. If you've been through and/or are going through this you know this for a fact.
I never tried at having kids yet, but I do want a family someday. My girl talks about it a lot. Plus, the girl just loves kids, so I'm sure it will happen in the coming years. I just want to say how bad I feel about what you, and many others other have gone through. I think about this so much, and even the thought of losing my girl while she is in labor. It took me forever to find a good girlfriend and for something like that to happen would kill me inside. I know that what you have went through gave you the dislike you have for God, but I'm not going to tell you that things happen for a reason because I don't believe in all that when it comes to these situations. I just want you to not take it out on anyone because nobody knows if God had anything to do with you losing your baby. No, I know you love your son and that you want to see him as you should have while living, but don't push yourself from seeing your son by living your life mad at God. Use the fact that your son is in heaven and is waiting to see you, but you have to get there.

 
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Old 04-06-2013, 09:35 AM   #5
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: New Jersey
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Craftymama HB User
Re: Miscarriage and Still Birth at 37 weeks.

So similar to my situation, we never found cause of death. I beat myself up for not panicking more over lack of movement, but don't think it could've changed the outcome. It is such an insanely hard thing to deal with seeing a perfect baby and not understanding what happened. I took pictures of my son, had my family come see him, had him put in a christening outfit and had him blessed. Still it seemed unreal and for months I would sit in his room holding a doll, when no one was around or dress it in his clothes. He died at 38 1/2 weeks, I was supposed to be induced at 39 weeks even begged dr, can we induce at 38 was. I felt like something was wrong. She refused to listen to my mothers intuition. Then I found the most amazing high risk dr. In NYC. Dr. Andre Rebarber, (he delivered Catherine zetta jones baby.) he gave me confidence to try again and a year and a half after my angel baby was born, I had a healthy baby that my awesome dr. Delivered at 34 and a half weeks after checking lung function, just to be safe and to ease my anxiety. I never used first sons clothes on new son, and we changed the rm. I have a shrine for stillborn son with christening outfit, footprints etc. in a cabinet so it's there for me. No one but the mom understands the pain. I even had post traumatic stress and freaked when seeing pregnant women...still do sometimes and I lost him 10 yrs ago. The anniversary/birthday is coming up, but for me the entire month of APRIL gives me horrible flashbacks to screaming can't we get him out right here and do CPR? My prayers are with you. Trying again with dr. Rebarber was the most healing thing I could have done and I still remain broken, but not shattered.

 
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