Am here to try to see if I can get some answers and or help on how to cope with a lost of a baby. I was 29 weeks pregnant when I heard the worst news ever, I never knew you could miss and love something so much and you haven't even meet them. I had my regular doctors appointment the week I thought things were not right. Tuesday Night I was laying on my couch and for the first time I felt my little guy move. I was so happy to finally feel him move, I went to work the next morning and I went all day and all night with out feeling him move or his butterfly kicks but I knew he wasn't a big mover to begin with so I didn't think to much till Thursday came around and I knew I was going to hear his heart beat at the doctors appointment. Well he got the heart beat listener out and he moved it all around and couldn't find anything so he got the ultra sound machine and saw that there was no fluid around him. The two worst things to hear. They sent me to the hospital the next morning to be induced, leaving town that morning was so hard knowing we were going to be coming back with no baby. We checked in that morning and we had so many love ones in and out of my room which made the day go by fast. About 5:30pm that evening I gave birth to my son who has had the nickname from the day I found out "Peanut". It was the hardest thing to do was let them take my baby away from me. Me and my boyfriend had mad the decision on not wanting to hold or see him. We wanted to keep the picture in our head on what he would look like in January when he would have been born. Our hospital that we were at makes you a box full of pictures and foot prints and hand prints along with some booties and a hat that when you are ready you can look back at what you baby looked like. I have not yet to look at the pictures and I may never look at them.
The reason am on here telling my story is because the after math of every thing is so hard to deal with. For one thing not seeing my stomach there any more is got to be one of the hardest things ever, and second is my boobs have doubled in size. I wish I could tell my body that their was no baby and to let me try to move on with the healing process. Its my first day home by myself and I didn't know it was going to so rough being here by myself. I know my boyfriend had to go back to work eventually I just didn't know it was going to be so hard to watch him walk out the door this morning. He has been so strong through all of this and he hasn't left my side since we heard the worst new of our lives.
So am here asking if any one has any ideas on how to be home alone with out having a mental break down every ten minutes, and if any one knows how to settle the pain in my breast.
First, I am very sorry for the lose of your baby boy. Probably your milk is coming in, thats why your breast have enlarged. Call your doctor to see if anything can be done. Can any friend or relative come and be with you? I don't think you should be alone. Also I think support groups are helpfull, check with your hospital. When I lost my baby I didn't think that I would ever get over the pain but life does go on and you will feel happiness again.
I am so, so sorry about your little Peanut. I feel so very sad for you and your loved ones. Know that you are not alone, and that your little one has touched people's lives, just by existing for 29 weeks. God has not forgotten about you or your baby. If he has given all the stars a name, think how much more He cares about your little one. (Psalms 147:4)One thing you always need to remember is that you are and always will be a mother. That is why your body is going to need a little time to catch up to what has happened.
I agree with mmisty. Right now the important thing is keeping your sanity. Even though you might not feel like you want do anything, its vital to let your mind heal. Instead of going over everything in your head over and over again, "what ifs", try to get away for a little awhile every day. Don't feel guilty about going to do things, go shopping, go exercise with friends at a gym or do something else with your friends. I don't mean you shouldn't cry, because crying is a way of dealing with the loss of your baby. But also try to let your mind rest right now, as much as you can, don't beat yourself up. Then one day, you will feel able to cope. It won't take the pain away, but you'll be able to cope. Then one day the pain will be a little less, then a little bit less. Then you will be able to go back to those feelings. But right now, its too fresh. So just give yourself time, let your body heal. Just like that old expression says: One day at a time.