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Old 01-22-2005, 05:18 PM   #1
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tawanda1 HB User
Dx in August/Marriage Over

My marriage recently ended. My husband and I are separated. He absolutely could not deal with having a wife who may one day be very seriously disabled. My invisible symptoms, especially fatigue, could not be understood by him (I am "lazy" according to him). Instead of supportive, he turned absolutely mean as hell and purposely sabotauged (sp?) what was left of our marriage. Not looking for answers here. Just support. Thanks,
Julie

 
Old 01-22-2005, 06:41 PM   #2
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Jewel2 HB User
Re: Dx in August/Marriage Over

Hi Julie,
I'm really sorry for all you've been through. My daughter has just gone through something similar. Her husband left her after 4 years because he couldn't handle all of the responsibilities that being married entails, even without the MS. The MS was just another area in which he didn't try. He never took the time to learn anything about it. He was very unsympathetic to my daughter, even leaving her when she was mostly paralyzed one time. It took her three hours to crawl across the floor to call me (she didn't have her lifeline around her neck). I was so angry at him!! I feel like he intentionally sabatoged their marriage, too.

I really feel for you and wish you the best as you move on to a new chapter in life. Come here as often as you need to vent or get support.

Take care,
Julie

 
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Old 01-22-2005, 06:42 PM   #3
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thnkpos HB User
Re: Dx in August/Marriage Over

tawanda, my heart goes out to you, how old r u? how long married? kids? how is u'r ms now? does he know enough of the diseas? it sickens me to hear stuff like this....... shows what true "vows" mean........ I SAY GOOD RIDDENS..... hang in there keep u'r head high, and move towards bigger and better things, how are u handeling the situation?...... hugs, tammy

 
Old 01-23-2005, 06:08 AM   #4
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tawanda1 HB User
Re: Dx in August/Marriage Over

Tammy,
Yes, more to the story...I was with this man 5 1/2 years. I just turned 41 (and according to him I would be too old to find another husband at this point - like I want to, anyway!) We have a beautiful daughter who is 3 1/2. I have custody of her. His violence towards me escalated to him getting a Restraining Order (and a Protective Order to boot) for the next 6 months, so yes, goodbye to bad rubbish. I would rather have M.S. than my soon to be X husband. I'd rather live in a State Nursing Home one day than depend on him for my care...he would one day wheel me out to the curb and let the trash collector take me away!! The end of my marriage to this abusive man is a positive thing for me and my daughter.

If anyone can relate to any of my story, please feel free to write me at [ please carefully review the posting rules - no emails ] Now that he's gone and not controlling my every action, I am trying to rebuild friendships of all kinds. He also took away my AOL services and I lost my "buddy list" where I had made wonderful M.S. sympathetic friends.

THANKS EVERYONE!!
JULIE
p.s. my m.s. was dx in august...I shake...especially on my left side, can't concentrate at all (or even remember my own name sometimes) although that had to be partly from the added stress of my marriage, I get the "m.s." hug, and horrible fatigue...those are my main issues. What about you?

Last edited by moderator2; 02-15-2005 at 09:39 AM. Reason: please carefully review the posting rules - no emails

 
Old 01-23-2005, 06:51 AM   #5
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thnkpos HB User
Re: Dx in August/Marriage Over

hi julie......... great, so glad to hear u'r moving forward......... are u taking any of the meds for ms?, my symptoms right now are sensory..... waiting to see a neuro.... 2 1/2 month wait....... my appt is mid feb... ive had lesions since 98, but not enough symptoms to dx.... now 7 yrs later many lesions....... take care

 
Old 01-23-2005, 12:01 PM   #6
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apriltones HB User
Re: Dx in August/Marriage Over

ah im just reading this and think how brave you all are!!! well done, you should all be proud of yourselves. i am waiting mri, not sure whats wrong yet, im looking for answers, aprilxx

 
Old 01-23-2005, 06:53 PM   #7
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tawanda1 HB User
Re: Dx in August/Marriage Over

It took me 5 years, but I am going forward from this horrible marriage, concentrating on my daughter (as so much of my attention had to be diverted towards pleasing her father in the past) and barely thinking about my M.S. I am a sensory symptom gal, too, and I take Avonex, Neurontin and stuff for sleep and/or anxiety. I used to take Flexerall but I have started to adjust to the way my body feels with M.S. and have eased off on a lot of the drugs, but initially, I tried everything. I am due for another MRI to see what is going on lesion-wise with my brain. I didn't have anything on my spinal tap 7 months ago, but I'm not in a big hurry to take one of those again!
JULIE

 
Old 02-15-2005, 09:33 AM   #8
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Duano777 HB User
Re: Dx in August/Marriage Over

Hi Julie,

I too MS and I still work and lead a normal life. I was Dx'd in April of 2002, separated in August of 2003. and divorced in April, 2004.

My life has been looking better and better with each passing month. It is actually pretty exciting I must say. MS has become a non-factor in my life because my symptoms have decreased.

I take a daily self-injection of Copaxone and plan to start the new IV therapy next month. We are fortunate to have gotten MS during an age where there are major medical break throughs all the time.

-Duane
[ please carefully review the posting rules - no emails ]

Last edited by moderator2; 02-15-2005 at 09:38 AM. Reason: please report posting rules violations - do not reply to them

 
Old 02-15-2005, 11:41 AM   #9
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Smile Re: Dx in August/Marriage Over

Let me add my condolences in that a marriage ending for ANY reason is painful and a time of grief. As a person not in your situation or with enough information, I will not comment on the appropriateness, etc of any actions by you or your ex. Just know that I sympathize with you in your situation. I've been there literally. Having MS completely spins everything around. Nothing is as it is supposed to be and I know I often feel at its mercy. I did nothing to deserve it and frankly there is little I can do about it. I was diagnosed with MS 10 months after my husband left me for who I considered my best friend. Through careful history taking by my neurologist, I found out that I had had MS symptoms for at least 5 years. Heard lots of (and frankly felt myself) that I was just being lazy and a hypochondriac. I was in the hospital about a month when I was diagnosed. My ex never knew. He saw me in town using a cane. He then threatened to spank my children (2 boys) if they didn't tell him what was going on. He has never offered any help or support even when it came to our children after finding out about my MS. And, frankly, that's ok. I do not want or need his help for anything. Should my boys want his help or support then I pray that he gives it to them. Exes really don't get it. But, then, that is why they are exes! I am pursuing a relationship with someone else. My MS was one of the first things we discussed up front. I told him that I didn't want him to feel that I hid something from him and that this is my reality and if it is too much for him then I wasn't the woman for him. MS affects our relationship but it doesn't dominate it. It is just part of who I am now. Thanks for listening to me rant. LOL
Deanne

 
Old 02-15-2005, 12:10 PM   #10
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cactus46 HB User
Re: Dx in August/Marriage Over

Hi Julie!
Hang in there! Some people are not nurturers and basically are too selfish to be there for others. Some people are impatient and want results and cures and instant fixes immediately. Life is a process, a journey, a learning experience. Some people never learn anything or if they do, it's too late. You may be physically challenged from your illness, but your ex is emotionally handicapped. Pity him. Pity a life full of bitterness, anger, selfishness and hate. Pity a man who has no joy and will probably die alone. Release him to his misery and break free to find your path of happiness with your child. Each day is a gift and a miracle. Share it with your loved ones and love and give to others as much as you are able with your health restrictions. You are not to old too find a husband, but perhaps at this time what you need to find is your own peace. When you redefine your own worth as a valuable individual and have that confidence you will be ready for another relationship should that be your desire. There are wonderful, unselfish, kind, considerate men out there in the world, but I admit they're hard to find. Take care. I send your way my positive feelings of hope and peace for you. You are strong. You can do it. You go, girl!!
From another Julie.

 
Old 02-19-2005, 08:10 PM   #11
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tooobuzi HB User
Re: Dx in August/Marriage Over

Julie,
This is a time to think about yourself. You don't need to waste any energy on someone who doesn't want to support you. You need to think of things in this light. You are fortunate that things happened now. You wouldn't have wanted to see his true colors when you were physically having a harder time or were more dependant on him.
Now you need to use all that energy you were wasting on him and focus it on reducing your stress and taking care of your daughter.
Things happen for a reason. This ending could have been a blessing for you.
Stay strong.

 
Old 02-20-2005, 06:18 AM   #12
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llcoolbeans1 HB User
Re: Dx in August/Marriage Over

As for you being too old at 41 to find another man...that is ridiculous! My mom who is now 74 yrs old found a new man after my dad died 10 yrs ago. You are never too old to fall in love again. What a jerk he is! I am so glad he is gone and out of your life.

Having someone toxic like that in your life can make your MS worse just from the stress of it all!

 
Old 02-23-2005, 03:19 PM   #13
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Re: Dx in August/Marriage Over

Hi Julie,
My marriage,too, ended for all intents and purposes after I was diagnosed in 1998. I am 51 years old and we've been married for 33 years. We have three grown sons. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2002, my 'professional' husband had an affair on a business trip with a teacher, 23 years younger than he. I am just now beginning to accept that life DOES go on, whether you're a part of it or not. I've chosen to be a part of it, but getting on with it is easier said than done! You have my thoughts and prayers.
Love, Peabo1322

 
Old 02-24-2005, 09:16 AM   #14
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hpygrl HB User
Re: Dx in August/Marriage Over

Quote:
Originally Posted by tawanda1
My marriage recently ended. My husband and I are separated. He absolutely could not deal with having a wife who may one day be very seriously disabled. My invisible symptoms, especially fatigue, could not be understood by him (I am "lazy" according to him). Instead of supportive, he turned absolutely mean as hell and purposely sabotauged (sp?) what was left of our marriage. Not looking for answers here. Just support. Thanks,
Julie
Hi Julie,
I am still waiting for a dx and my husand is running for the hills before I get one. I had my first mri back in Nov and he asked for a divorce 3 days before x-mas. I still cant believe this is all happening and he wont be around to help me if it turns out I do have it. My husband also thinks I am lazy, so you are not alone. I would never have done this to him, I just dont understand how he turned so quickly. He is mean and cold , almost like a stranger!
So tired of crying though, it has to get better. Do you have family & friends close by for support?
Jacqui

 
Old 02-24-2005, 09:28 PM   #15
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cactus46 HB User
Re: Dx in August/Marriage Over

Peabo and Jacqui:
I am so sorry to hear that you also have been left by selfish men. Without too much generalizing I would have to say that women are more likely to stick with a sick, disabled spouse than men are. Considering that the female gender has the higher percentage of MS cases, it's very sad to think of so many women going through such an ordeal without a nurturing spouse. Those cowards that head for the hills are a lower form of life on the food chain and will one day receive back what they gave out (or didn't give).
Keep your chin up.

Julie

 
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