I REALLY hope I don't offend... - Multiple Sclerosis Message Board

Dazee2100 · 04-18-2005, 06:19 PM

Our local MS walk is soon approaching and I want to attend.

However, I am nervous.

Why you ask?

Because, when I was first dx, I was sent north to a very well known hospital, that has a wonderful MS center. Upon arrival, I was greeted with people in wheelchairs, some in beds-being transported from a local home that deals with MS patients. It was overwhelming. In fact, I had to leave and gain my composure.

I use a quad-cane most days, and at one point they wanted to send me home with a walker to use. I freaked ! I am only 35. and there is no way I am going to end up using a walker! (that's what I told the doc anyways)

So here is the thing, when I see people who are more advanced than me, instead of being supportive--i can't handle it.

I know I am being stupid and rude! But, I can't help how I think and feel.

Does anyone have any advice or even feel the same way?

How do you get through the dark thoughts of..."what's going to happen to me in the future?"

Thanks for taking the time to read.

Dazee2100

I hope this doesn't seem offensive to anyone...really.

Jewel2 · 04-18-2005, 07:14 PM

I don't think your post is offensive at all. You're just being honest, and I think many people feel the same way. I know that my daughter does. That's why she doesn't go to support groups or the MS Walks.

As far as the future, she remains hopeful since there's no way of knowing how her MS will progress. And she works hard at taking my advice of "Don't borrow trouble."

Personally, I think the best way to avoid the dark thoughts of what the future might hold is to live each moment we have right now to the fullest.

Take care,
Julie

LaDeeDa · 04-18-2005, 07:42 PM

Hi Dazee,
You're not being 'stupid or rude', you're being human. Its only natural that seeing other MSers in a more advanced state of progression can be scary. I went to a support group -- once! I felt the same way you're feeling now. Instead of feeling 'supported' I was frightened. I thought, "No way am I going to be like that!" In a way I also felt sort of guilty because I was (am) ambulatory and so many were not. I had such conflicting emotions I decided that the support group route was not for me. Maybe someday....

I've done the MS Walks and because there are so many people that attend, I haven't gotten that frightening feeling. The walks are very upbeat and everyone seems to really enjoy themselves. My daughter always organizes a team from work and her employer matches the amount raised; she tells me I have to attend since I'm her team's 'Poster Child'!

As for the dark thoughts: try not to obsess on what you might not be able to do some time in the future, and instead appreciate what you are able to do today. Some might call that denial, but I prefer to think of it as living in the moment!

Dee

starlet32079 · 04-18-2005, 10:48 PM

My mom when she first found out she had MS was the same way. She sees a top doctor in the MS field ( apperars on the montel williams show), and he wanted her to come and take a tour of the part of the hospital they use for their MS patients when the are exacerbating and such things...anyway she had a very hard time looking and talking to anyone. Still to this day I cannot get her to do the MS walk either. She just has a hard time seeing what MS can do to a person.
I think that your reaction is normal and it is how you feel. You should not feel bad about that.

Good luck, my prayers are with you all !!!

bindsanator · 04-19-2005, 04:49 AM

No offense taken at all, I feel the exact same way as you do. I was dxed about 1.5 months ago, and every time I see a wheelchair or even a cane i cringe...i dont know if they have anything to do with MS. My neurologist told me i should think about using a cane if I was afraid everyone thought i was drunk when i was stumbling around. I said no way. but maybe someday...besides, they can be really cool sometimes.

I hear that 75% of ms ppl never need a wheelchair, so keep that in mind. i know its terrible to feel this way, but as someone above said, we are only human. my friend and i were at the airport on sunday and we went to the wrong gate so she asked for an aid to get us to the correct one (thinking golf cart) and they brought a wheelchair. i said there was no way i would sit in that, we walked and i was quite fine. so stay positive, do not dwell on the possibilities. if i/you were fully normal, we would always have the possibility of getting smoked by a car tomorrow and losing everything. so it is something all of us can worry about, but try not to.

best of luck to you...stay mobile!!!