doraluma

miserable few days.
after i came out in thumbprint like bruises all over my legs gp ordered urgent bloodtests. but there was a delay before my nurse app so missed the lunchtime path lab run. should get results on monday.
thyroid, liver, electrolytes, rheumatoid factor, creatinine, CRP, urea,calcium, FBC, INR, APTT, ESR
went to optician today. they couldnt find anything wrong with my eyes. although my vision is constantly moving and ive gone from -1.25 to -1.5 in the last month.
but as she said, these sort of problems can be intermittant so its possible that although she couldnt find anything today, tomorrow she might be able to.
last night was horrid.
the last few days i noticed that my cervix seems to have moved down my vagina and feels big and odd. and last period my tampons kept falling out.
last night my bf came over and i decided that having not been in the mood (with all my physical probs) the last two weeks, id like to make love with him.
i had some sensation in the entrance to my vagina, but no sexual sensations. and inside i had total numbness. every two seconds he was asking me how it felt and if i liked it and i thought that was insensitive of him since i told him i had no sensation there.
that made me miserable this morning. i whipped out a vibrator to havre a try myself. and even on my clitoris i had no sexual respobnse or sensation.
which is kinda depressing.
nevermind
i am sure that in a week or so it will all disappear, as ever. before they even refer me to anyone. and they will say it was all in my head or just shrug. untill it comes back again. then we will repeat the whole process.
(my gp here insists i was tested for lupus 3 years ago, which i am/was totally unaware of and he didnt have my notes with him to prove it. but makes me think maybe it is ms. but theres a 9 month waiting list for an mri. so by then i will be better. )
i want to curl up in bed and forget about it all.
they are right
im crazy
its all in my head its all in my head its all in my head its all in my head its all in my head its all in my head its all in my head its all in my head its all in my head its all in my head its all in my head its all in my head its all in my head its all in my head its all in my head its all in my head its all in my head its all in my head its all in my head its all in my head its all in my head its all in my head its all in my head its all in my head its all in my head
tonight i am itching alot and have tender aching muscles in my arms pecs lower and upper abs. and back.
but at least the twitching has stopped
the other night it was every 3 to 10 seconds, from ooooo 4pm to 8am
that got me down.

sorry for whining
dora
xx