I NEED to vent... - Multiple Sclerosis Message Board

curious11 · 12-04-2005, 04:24 PM

This is off topic and i'm not sure if this is even allowed... but you guys always have a listening ear, and that is SO what I need right now. My son goes with his father every other weekend. His father has an apartment so they spend most of the time at his mother's house a few minutes away. I get a text message from his father yesterday saying "WOW, I just had my first father scare." So I immediatley call to see what is going on. He tells me he went inside for "2 minutes" while my son (3 years old) and his cousin (3 years old) played outside in front of the garage where their grandpa was working. My ex went outside and was calling for them with no sign of them. He jumped on the 4 wheeler and drove it back into the woods looking for them. TWO 3 YEAR OLDS MADE IT ALL THE WAY TO THE PLAYGROUND THAT IS ATLEAST 3 ACRES AWAY! They went there looking for their grandmother who was walking the dog! Come to find out... my ex had been inside, on the computer, for exactly 20 minutes! Had my son gone in the opposite direction down their long driveway, he would have been in the street! I am mortified! THEN apparently, my ex took my son over to his sister's house, where these two 3 year olds began to give eachother haircuts! I realize that 3 year olds do crazy things like this... but my son came home with 4 bald spots on the top of his head! It would have taken some time to cut 4 big patches of hair out of his head with plastic scizzors. They are NOT being supervized! I don't know what to do. I am so upset, I called his mother and lost it. It was not her fault so I didn't blame her, but her son is obviously not responsible enough or interested enough to have a 3 year old for that length of time, and that is not ok with me. I don't know what to do. I could brush it off and say it was an accident and these things happen... but my gut is telling me not to! I don't know what I should do. Thanks for "listening". Advice appreciated.

duttin · 12-04-2005, 04:54 PM

Curious,

You have every right to vent.Some men shouldn't have children.What kept you from ringing his neck?
I am so thankful that my oldest is 19 and I don't have to deal with her dad anymore.I went through situations like this for several years with him.He's still not a responsible person.My best advice is to keep a journal when your little guy is with his dad and watch for patterns.I'd be upset over the hair cutting,obviously he wasn't watching his son.
Best Wishes
Toni

curious11 · 12-04-2005, 05:37 PM

Thanks for the reply Nuff. My question is... what pattern am I looking for? It is clear to me that my ex doesn't have a long enough attention span to spend 29 hours with a 3 year old. Do I wait until my son wanders off in the other direction toward the street, or he gets seriously hurt when not being supervised? I don't know. I can't win either way. I know my ex doesn't WANT the overnight visits every other weekend... that cuts into his social life. He doesn't even spend the night with my son, he leaves my son with his mother and goes out, then sleeps at his apartment and comes back Sunday afternoon. That was not the agreement. Taking him to court would be frivilous, expensive, and a waste of time. They can't do anything, this would most likely be here se. But the pattern is clear to me, I do not feel comfortable leaving my son there with his father. But there is nothing I can do to take immediate action and prevent something from happening. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place right now, and sick to my stomach!

MIAMIMOMMY · 12-04-2005, 05:45 PM

Curious,

Boy...to say he is irresponsible is being kind. You are in a very tough situation...trust your gut.. I'm sorry I can't advise re: legal aspects, but Toni's idea of keeping a journal sounds excellent. You're being an excellent mother...don't let up!

Miamimommy

Barbbelle · 12-05-2005, 07:16 AM

Hi!! So sorry that you are so upset...and you have every right to be totally freaked out! It only takes a second for something horrible to happen! Maybe you could make "Grama" accountable for the baby at all times when he is not with you. Explain to her that the "sperm doner" is WAY too immature to handle the responsiblity of keeping your son safe! Maybe you could form an alliance with her and you could at least relax a little when he goes to HER house (and only let him go there)! The bad thing is that the creep only has him for 4 days out of the month and he still can't handle that! Good luck! Sorry I was a little harsh about your ex! I just love kids and want yours to be safe and you to keep the stress level DOWN! Have a great day!