Partners - Multiple Sclerosis Message Board

aGlassDream · 04-06-2006, 07:32 AM

I got engaged before i got told theres a good possiblity that i have MS..
And since ive been told that it sounds very much like it, all i can think about (besides how scared i am) is how this is going to effect him.
I don't want to feel like im holding him back. Stopping him doing all the things we've talked about beforehand.
Im frightened that when/if i get dx with MS im not going to want to marry him, cause i don't want him to feel tied down to me

Am i being stupid?
Does it turn your partners life upside down too?

Thank you all
Louise

orngcrayon · 04-06-2006, 10:17 AM

Hey girl. I was in shoes very similar to yours when I was diagnosed. I'd been dating a guy for 2 years, we lived together and were on the verge of getting engaged when I had my first really intense attack and was diagnosed. It was SO hard, and I kept thinking just like you are now - maybe I shouldn't get married....maybe i shouldn't drag him into this. Back then, my diagnosis and my fears were a big part of every day.

And during that time everything was SO hard on him. I was a wreck - I was mad, I was sad, I was just a basketcase, and the poor guy had NO idea how to interact with me. So we sort of grew apart for a little while - he kind of avoided the storm.

BUT... life goes on, and pretty soon the fact that I have MS is kind of in the background. It's part of who i am, and accomodating it is part of our lifestyle - and over time he and I have learned how to talk about it.

But 99% of our life has nothing to do with my condition. When I have relapses, of course he worries, and maybe has to do a few more chores around the house. And when I learn something new, or start to worry about the future, we might have to talk it out.... but this doesn't become your life, and it definately doesn't become your partners. I'd just give yourself (and your relationship) some time to adjust.

MarissaC8 · 04-08-2006, 05:30 PM

I was worried about the samething for a long time. I was dx when I was a single mom with a 1year old little girl. I worried that I could never have kids, that no one would want to marry me with MS. Then, I met my husband 3 years ago, we now have a cute baby boy and our little girl. He tries to be patient with me when I am having a bad week, etc. The biggest problem with me is I still insist on doing everything even when I am having a hard time with the MS, as I don't like admitting my weakness. If he is the one for you and you for him, you two will be just fine. My husband and I went through a lot together in just our first year, and we made it through with flying colors.

laopta · 04-11-2006, 02:53 PM

I was diagnosed while engaged to my now husband. I printed some info for him to read and pretty much sat him down and said this is what can happen to me are you ready to deal with this. Well we were married last july. When I was on avonex he would give me the shot because I couldn't do it. I am pretty kucky to find a supportive guy. I had the same worries and at this point my symptoms are pretty mild but the thoughts sometimes creep up what if things get worse could he handle it. Be open and honest.

Natatude · 04-12-2006, 05:55 AM

i have a great husband,, we were married 13 yrs when i found out what was wrong with me was MS,, he has been very helpful, and loving,,, he says it doesn't bother him,, i am the one who gets depressed at times and i feel like i am a burden to him,,, but he tells me i am no burden he loves me with all of his heart,, he meant what he said when he said his marriage vows to me,, and he helps me thru thick and thin and is always by my side, no matter what! we have been married 18 yrs now,, and we have never been more happier,, i myself could do without the MS mopst days but there is nothing i can do about that so i just live with it the best i can, and having a hisband who loves me as much as mine does,, helps alot! so as long as u and ur fiancee' have that love,, the MS won't hurt ur engagement or marriage! best of luck to u! and always be honest! let him know how u feel,, talk about it,,, having talks,, honesty and laughter is what makes the best relationship ever!