Grief - Multiple Sclerosis Message Board

sunshine149 · 01-05-2007, 10:14 AM

None of what I'm going to write here is really much of a surprise to me but maybe writing it will help me accept it and move on. My mother died December, 26th. My family and I spent the week prior to this at her hospital bed side. The whole experience was wonderful (because we got to say goodbye) and awful (because we watched her die). I'm back to work now. There was no Christmas or New Year's celebrations because the funreal events interfered and plus, I didn't feel like it in the least.

Now I have extreme fatigue, some of my existing symptoms are "flaring up." None of this is a surprise but I'm just... tired. Wasn't it enough to lose my mother?

And of course, now that it's all over with, the grief has set in. Food tastes different, I've lost my sense of humor, my house is in desperate need of a cleaning. I know it will all get better, I just wish I didn't have to deal with the physical side of things as well as the emotional....

Thanks for the cyber ear!

MSNik · 01-05-2007, 12:10 PM

Hello Sunshine. I just read your post, and wanted to at least offer you condolences, if nothing else. My mom is my best friend. I dont know how Ill cope when I have to face this. You seem to be coping fairly well, all things considered. Was this expected? Maybe you had some time to prepare for this?
Your symtoms, they sound very reasonable to me. Id be in a full fledged excaberation! I will tell you that the reason I was diagnosed with MS, came from a similar shock. My husband, was diagnosed with lung cancer. He is only 36 years old, and a construction worker. My husband was on the 911 recovery mission for 5 months...all that debris and crap in the air- gave him what is called Silicosis...a form of lung cancer. Nevermind me though, the only reason I told you that, is I wanted you to know, the shock of hearing that news, is what brought on my first actual symtoms....I probably had MS for many years, and looking back, the signs were there, I just didnt know what I was seeing..
Shocks to our system, and grief, can bring on a whole host of symtoms. Its really important that you get rest right now, and try hard to stay hydrated, and eat right. Have you spoken to your doctor about helping you get thru this time? Maybe an anti-axiety drug, or a sleeping pill for nights? ANything to guarantee that you are getting enough rest? It wouldnt be a bad thing to lean on some meds for a month or so, until you start to feel like yourself again..
Im really sorry for your loss. You are very brave to post about it here. I might be the first to respond, but Im sure that everyone sends you their support.
If you need to vent, please do...here for you!
Nikki

sunshine149 · 01-05-2007, 01:16 PM

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. That's a tremendous loss to cope with. Yes, that would definitely kick off MS...

My mother had cancer 3.5 years ago, non-hodgkins lymphoma, after many treatments and a few close calls, she went into remission. A few months ago, she started feeling poorly again. After many tests, they discovered the lymphoma was back, but this time hodgkins. This was all around Thanksgiving. She was never well enough to start treatments, in fact she got worse, the week before Christmas she got pnemonia and that developed into a septic infection and that's what killed her. We were very very very close.

I do have some sleeping pills, and I have been taking them throughout this ordeal. It's amazing where your mind goes... I'm going to have a massage. All those days beside at the hospital has given me a pain in my neck!!

But I'd do it all again to be with her during her last days with this world.

Thanks for posting... here's to a year of new beginnings.

SRSuper · 01-05-2007, 07:06 PM

Sunshine-
i am so sorry to read about your loss.
My grandmother passed away from non-hodgkins lympoma when i was a teen. she was in her 60s and had the same experience as your mom.
please do take care of yourself. i know its hard to see past the right now, and you do need time to go through the grieving process now.
but please take care of yourself and give yourself that time for you. not only would your mom have wanted it that way, but the other people around you who are going through this with you.
please take care. forums can make a fabulous shoulder to cry on.

bama girl · 01-06-2007, 02:35 PM

Sunshine-- I, too, am sorry to hear of your loss. I can understand how you are feeling. I am 41 now but my mom died when I was 29 with cancer, too.
It's tough watching someone you love suffer with such a horrible disease. My mom lived 3mos after being diagnosed and died the day I brought home my first child ( her first grandchild). I know sitting at the hospital is heart wrenching but it haunts me to this day that I wasn't with her when she died. ( I had a c-section and couldn't stay at the hospital with her-she was in a different hospital than me)
All I can say is that time does heal most of the pain but I still miss her every day even 12 years later. My prayers are with you and your family.

bama girl