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Friends and MS

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Old 06-27-2007, 09:22 PM   #1
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Location: australia
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zadie HB User
Red face Friends and MS

The majority of friends have been very supportive with the news that I may have Ms .With the expection of a couple .In particular one friend who I am normaly very close to. She has been suffering from depression for some time and have always tried to show an interest see how she etc. She came around in the begining which was hard I am sure because it was like a funeral and I was not much fun to be around. (which lasted about 2 weeks)Now I have been good trying to get on with my life have not seen her for dust.My other close friend to her as well suggested that she look after number be involved but stay away. I have got to tell you it really hurts and infact I spend more time worrying about this. I confronted her last week and she now feels like i attacked her.

Last edited by zadie; 06-28-2007 at 03:02 AM.

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Old 06-28-2007, 03:50 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: ohio
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duttin HB Userduttin HB User
Re: Friends and MS


When going through the DX of MS it can be an emotional roller coaster for all involved,family and friends.

Your friend that is suffer from depression,is battling a disorder within.

Yes,it hurts when friends walk away or keep there distance,in all reality it's these people that think MS is a dealth sentence and they truelly don't understand the DX process nor the disease.

You may want to take baby steps with these friends ,make a couple minute phone call just to check on there well being.They will adjust and come around.

Try not to worry or stress over it,this will make symptoms worse.If you friend feels that you personaly attacked her,call her or write her a letter explaining you feelings.

Good friends are hard to come by,this will all work out with communication.

You are doing good by trying to cope with the news.Remember MS is livable and managable and having a positive attitude(which sounds like you do)gets us through the rough days.

You have many supportive cyber friends here,we will help you through this.

Old 06-28-2007, 04:34 AM   #3
Join Date: May 2007
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 93
Re: Friends and MS

I suffer from depression and it is difficult at times to be supportive to others when I am having my own problems of depression.

I have also experienced friends that were great when times were good, but you could not count on them in the bad times. Why? They couldn't handle it, they had phobia about "sick" people and they just flat out turned out to be fair weather friends.

Then I've had friends step up and go out of their way to help.

Some people just can't handle other people's illnessnesses. They may be afraid, they may think they are bothering you, etc.

My only advice is to try to talk to your friends and see if they feel scared or threatened by your illness.

One other thing I have learned is that people do NOT like change. And when you change (and you may not have changed, but they perceive it that you have), it forces others sometimes to think they have to change and that threatens them. I read a very good article about weight loss and how sometimes family and friends can unconsciously sabotage it as they see you changing and it forces them to change how they are around you (like no more going out for pie and coffee if that was a routine thing you used to do with a friend). It usually is unconscious on their part, but they see any change as threatening the status quo so to speak. I think that this happens in other areas of life and not just in a weight loss situation.

Good luck.

Old 06-28-2007, 05:08 AM   #4
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zadie HB User
Re: Friends and MS

Thanks for your reply feeling pretty low today finally picking up in the last couple of hours . My friend just rang and made out as if she was sick but I dont believe her should though with sinus looked fine at 3.30 school pick up back to square one with her will see tomorrow night thanks guys I thought know one would answer.

Old 06-28-2007, 02:21 PM   #5
Join Date: Nov 2004
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Sahuja12 HB User
Re: Friends and MS

I have a friend who never asks me how I am doing. I thought she was such a close friend and she has cied and confided to me about SO many of her issues... and when I told her of my MS she backed away.. Weird.. Whatever. I think it scares her...

Old 06-28-2007, 02:37 PM   #6
Join Date: May 2007
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 93
Re: Friends and MS

Originally Posted by Sahuja12 View Post
I have a friend who never asks me how I am doing. I thought she was such a close friend and she has cied and confided to me about SO many of her issues... and when I told her of my MS she backed away.. Weird.. Whatever. I think it scares her...
I have a friend that is just like that. I have always been there for her, she is never there for me. I finally realized its just how she is. So, I limit my contact with her. I still enjoy her company and we still get together occasionally, but I NEVER talk to her about my problems as she either doesn't care or can't handle it. I don't know which. Personally I think its selfishness on her part. Everything is all about her. Now that I know that, I accept her for what she is and realize there are now limitations on our friendship. Fortunately I have other friends that are very supportive. Should I quit being friends with her? I don't know. I would hate that as we do have a lot of fun togehter, but I know that's all it is now is fun. I do think friendships are a two way street, but face it, some friends are just better friends than others and if you know she's not going to be supportive, either move on, or accept the friendship for how it is because its probably not going to change. I am willing to accept my friend for what she is and still be friends with her, but I know now that we will NEVER be bosum buddies that share everything. Thank goodness I do have someone I can do that with. I have always said my friends were like concentric circles. The inner circle are good, true friends through good and bad. The next level are good friends, but we don't have the same bond as the inner circle. The next level are fun friends that I see to have a good time with on occasion, but don't share a lot of my life with and the final circle are merely acquaintences with whom I do share some similar qualities, but for whatever reason, we have not advanced to a closer level of friendship.

I know it hurts. I was hurt for a long time, but once I decided to just accept the friendship with its limitations, I could get over the hurt. I just know I don't have an outlet with her when I need it so I go elsewhere. Oh and I limit how much I let her lean on me now. Sorry, but she can't have it both ways. I learned to say no. It was hard, but it didn't matter to her when I did say no, so I realize that maybe she sees us on a different friendship level than I originally saw her.

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