HI everyone. I just have to vent and ask a quick question. The quick question is how do you fight off an impending relapse? Have any of you found a way to actually prevent mild symtoms from becomming full fledged relapses?
You all know how crazy, busy my life is and some of you have heard me talk about how Im up for a promotion and raise at work, sounds good in theory, but in reality, Im not ready for this. Im killing myself this holiday season at work, seeing too many clients and covering too much territory. I also am the primary shopper/ planner and do-er for my family, my husbands and ours for the holidays...and somehow Im getting it all done.
This morning, my husband called me an hour after he got to work, at 6 am (hes in construction) to tell me the job is finished. He works for a Union and will be laid off Friday. He also said he might not get to go back to work until March and whatever happens with MY JOB this week, DO IT. (meaning take a lesser raise, or bigger responsiblity). He knows how hard Im working- and I know that he didnt ask for the job to finish or to get laid off- but really now, the pressure is kiling me.
We have child support from his first marriage, a mortgage, car payments, and the usual bills to pay. His unemployment wont cover his child support, let alone the big bills..my check will barely cover the mortgage, let alone the small bills. Im in panic mode- and the relapse is impending. I also have alot on my mind, surgery scheduled for Janauary, which is female stuff, and scary to me....
This week, Ive been trying to get to bed early- trying to eat right, exercise in small doses, taking my supplements and of course my Rebif....but, overall, I feel horible. Im fighting a cold- my eyes have been acting up ( I tend to get ON first, without any other symtoms), I ache all over, esepecially in the legs and hands..my tingling and burning is back with a vengenance. I know something is about to happen.....so, again, I ask you guys, is there anything you have done which works for you, which might work for me? This is NO TIME for a relapse!
Hugs to you all and thanks for letting me vent. THe whole lay off thing is scaring the heck out of me...in our short married life, this hasnt happened to us before. In fact, in his career, it only happened once (21 years). This is the abosulute worst time for it to happen...the pressue is on me, and Im not handling it well...
RRMS- dx 05
The following user gives a hug of support to MSNik: The happy one (10-02-2011)
Nikki, dear heart I am at a loss. When I know one is coming, I hit the emergency shut down button. I cancel anything planned and do only what I have no choice but to do. It doesn't stop a relapse but minimizes it. I have seen what happens when I don't and it's awful.
I have read and seem to have a pretty good feel for things in your universe. You are right, the lay off couldn't have come at a worse time, not to say anytime is a good one. Ultimately there is nothing you can do about the lay off. Can he get/will he do any type of "side job"? So many families face this type of lay off this time of year. I have 2 brothers in construction and it has happened to them 3 out of the last 5. Our neighbor has been layed off for 2 weeks already.
I do worry about your work load and all you do. I pray you get the promotion if that is what you want but I have to be concerned about the additional stress of that and in the long run what that will do to you. Your boss is aware of your MS if I remember correctly. Can you talk to him about staying close to home the end of next week after Christmas and make phone calls ,getting ready for the new year or something along those lines? It would allow you to be still and rest as much as possible. I know you are scared about surgery in January. I would be as well but again, your head is spinning. This is one of those times when "one day at a time" would be appropriate.
You are amazing in all you do Nikki. I admire your strength and perserverence. I have no doubt that you will be ok and you will figure it out. Breath and try to get as much rest as you possibly can.
Il take the hugs, prayers AND advice! Unfortunately, because my husband is Union - he cant look for side work. If he were to get caught, our entire future would be seriously jepordized. Basically, he waits until his number is called and goes back to work when it is....March, hopefully, weather-bearing, many jobs will be starting up- so hopefully that is our target date. Meantime, I always said I wanted a parttime cleaning person; Im trying to look at the bright side, and hoping he'll take the hint.
As for work, my boss is royally messing with me. I still dont have an answer. I did inform him im taking off Monday and Tuesday, not just Tuesday- he agreed to that. I also informed him that since the rest of the medical world is off all of next week, Ill be working close to home and our base and not really going out and seeing clients- to which he said nothing. Im not really in a position to make demands right now, but he isnt really in a position to ask much...we are kind of at a stalemate. SO, with that, I will REALLY try to take your advice and "one day at a time' this series of consequences!
I thank you, for caring, for responding and for all your good advice. I love hearing from you- Happiest of Holidays.
Sheesh Nikki, that stinks! Does he or can he plow snow for cash? My soon-to-be-a-hole works construction (non-union) but plows snow for cash. People see snow and a guy with a plow and they are more than willing to pay, lol. Just a thought. You know, I have been under tremendous stress for months and months and haven't had a relapse. Oddly enough, now that things are calm, I seem to be hitting a wall. So I'm not sure how much of the stress issue I actually buy, kwim? I actually think it might be better for some to be so busy we don't have time to think. I'm sorry your family is facing troubled times and I hope things don't end up being so bleak. As far as a relapse goes, I wish I had an answer, I've just decided that MS is just an odd disease, one we can't control. It does what it wants WHEN it wants. This is a control freaks worst nightmare, a disease that does the controlling. Take it as easy as you can, enjoy your family and relax. You work your butt off. Happy Holidays
You are really a great person to "think things thru" with, you know that? I appreciate you and your posts very much. You always have a way of making me think things thru and this time, you did it again. Thank you.
If you see a sale on "bubbles" let me know because Im positive your right. There is no way of avoiding stress unless you live in one. (wonder if they charge extra for an extra wide? Ive got a family of 5 to think about....).
Thanks so much for showing the lighter side of this.
Hugs and Happy Holidays.
Kim. Hugs and Happy Thoughts to you. You HAVE been thru the wringer this year, this I know...and yet, you always come back fighting strong. This, I admire.
Thank you for bringing up the plowing thing. Im hoping my husband has the chance to do this. When we were first married, he did plow in the winters, but it seems that in the past 2 years, that has stopped. Why, I have no idea, other than that fact that until recently, he was working 20+ hours a week overtime (obviously to get this job done, so they could lay off the crew before we started getting real snow) and he hasnt had the time, energy or NEED to...maybe he can look into that again, Ill suggest it to him. Thanks.
As for the relapse thing- youre an interesting case. It seems the more stress I get, the more I tingle, the eye thing comes back and I hurt all over. And then, if you add in the change of weather, holidays and of course this layoff- Im about wiped. I think there is something to be said for "being too busy to think"- I know I thrive on being busy- but this stress overload is definately taking its toll on me! I feel like cooked spaghetti most of the time, and its starting to show in my walk, my skin and my overall appearance. You said that this is a controls freak's worst nightmare. Did you know I was one, or are you just guessing? Ive actually learned alot about delegating, letting go and taking things in stride this past year- but I still have a long way to go. I do like to control what is going on in my world, especially since this disease is so unpredictable- and once again I find myself at the mercy of the "unknown zone'.
Thanks so much for your kindness and helpful words. I really appreciate hearing what you said...you, take GOOD care of YOURSELF this holiday. I know its not easy this year for you...but on the bright side, things can only get better. Ill say a prayer that your 2008 is all you want it to be.
Hugs and many thanks....happy holidays.
I read your post this morning and feel bad for not answering sooner.
Sweety you need to relax,the lay - off has occurred,you have no control over that and yes that boss of yours needs a good wapping up side the head.
Nikki you need to deal with what you have control over,your job.What gets done gets done,if not all well.Not the end of the world.
Your entire family needs to pitch in and help you,hubby and kids,if its vac*******,dusting ,laundry ,dinner and so forth.Every little bit helps.
For the stress,if every thing is getting to over whelming then ya need to call your DR.I finally took the advice of others and went and had a chit chat with my GP and told him I was just getting over whelmed with everything and he prescribed me buspar.Its an older medicine its 15 mgs and it can be devided into three sections and I am so glad I ask him for it.I took it after I had my first back surgery,its non addictive and right now 5 mgs has done the trick.I don't have to take it everyday and has helped with some of the tingling.Try not to go it alone.
I know you don't like meds,but every now and then do provide to be benificial.
For the relapses I wish I had answers for you.I went 16 days on oral prednisone and Nikki now I'm on my 2nd day of solu-medrol,remember I swore that med off,I got hit hard and I do think the news of a 3rd back surgery sent me over the edge in a big way.Plus all the testing in a 2 weeks time period,the holidays and so forth,I just got down and all hey-day occurred.I have dealt with the bilaterial ON and I have very little control over my right arm.
Did stress play a role I think it just added to the symptoms and it all had a snow ball effect.
The power of prayer really does help and I'll be doing lots for ya.
Its not easy when one is layed off,can hubby petion the courts and can they adjust his support to his earnings,many states have this provision.Your hubby has been a good provider and he seems to be very resourceful,have beleif in that.Snow plowing is an excellent idea.
Try not to carry all the burden on your shoulders and sorry to say but other family members need to helping with family functions and so forth,you have enough to do with your job,kids and your health.
Its very normal to be scared about surgery,if you have faith in your Dr then you are in excellent care.I'm sure you have faith in this Dr or you would not have him as your DR.
Please try to take care of your self first and for most if you are not healthy then this will reflect on your house hold.
All will turn out fine.
Nikki vent,yell from the roof tops this all shocking news when you already have a full plate.
I'm gonna leave ya with 2 sayings my grandma would state,if ya watch your penny's the dollars will take of themselves and if the good Lord is willing and the rivers don't rise.
I'm sending you hugs ,prayers and best health wishes.
I'm not expert on preventing relapses but taking on a bigger work load, without letting go ALOT of your at home duties will probobly send you over the edge of exhaustion. I know NOW its difficult for you to manage both so if you add more to that without a major concideration of what responsibilities you can let go of at home, its will be tough. I know for me, I work 7 days a week, 365 days a year and because of my circumstances, the home is left to everyone else. Its definately a mess, not up to my standards but I do my part with work and if all my family choose to live in a mess, thats their issue. Just a sacrifise I had to make at this point. But in reality, I would prefer to work alot less and be home more to handle things.
But my financial independence is important. For YOU, your financial situation is a necessity. And if you have to take a promotion to get through the layoff, be clear with your family before you make the jump, of the things you will no longer to be able to do for them, that they will have to pick up the slack.
You and Kim mentioned OCD and being in control. I know how that feels because I always did EVERYTHING for EVERYONE. But they all survived as I have slacked on my home responcibilities. They're not crazy about it, but, oh well!! You need to concider YOU in the upcomming decisions. Your health is the utmost important.
Another food for thought is I started selling on a popular auction site when I needed extra cash. It started for me because I closed a buisiness and had alot of leftover stock. It became a pretty good cash flow so I have continued this in my "spare" time. LOL. But it gives us play money for the extra in life. My hubby now sells too. And this is something YOUR hubby could do whille layed off. I'm sure theres alot around the house you don't use and could offer. Sounds crazy but my gross sales doing this VERY part time is around $2000 a month. At one point, it was around $4000 but I've slowed down with my health problems. Its just a thought!! But you don't have to claim it while being unemployed. Its very easy to do too.
Nikki, remember, your not superhuman, so please take care of your self. Whatever happens, happens. Somethings you can not change. But let others take on the role of responcibily in this as well. This is a family problem that you all can work on together. Let others take a part in deciding how to fix this as well. Just the stress of worrying alone, will cause more problems.
Please take a breather, think calmly, and find a plan that will work for you all!!You'll be in my thoughts!!
Stress, what's stress? I am having my first spinal at noon today and then having 20 people over for my family get together at noon tomorrow. I've been racing around for days to get things ready, to make it easier on my family. Well, they have my baked goods, the gifts are bought and wrapped, and all the decorations are finished. I think my business is running okay for the next two days. But oops, the bathrooms did not get cleaned!! Nor the house vacuumed! Or dusted! The list of cleaning goes on, so my two teenagers who suddenly had so much studying to do all week will have to listen to my drill sergeant husband when they get home from school (as he took the afternoon off to help me). I'm going to do what the doctor ordered and lay flat on my back. It's my family visiting, so once they arrive, they will take over and make sure I'm getting pampered. The best part, they all promised to clean up before going home.
So, yes, we could have canceled, but I have a large family and we've had this planned for awhile. And I wanted to get the spinal out of the way so the results would be back for my January appointment. I'm definitely the type person that this time of year, once the time comes, if it's not done, oh well. I simply stop and enjoy the get togethers. I'm just hoping and praying the spinal goes well and I don't have to do the blood patch the nurse went over with me.
Off to drink more coffee, I made extra this morning and that fudge has quite a bit of caffeine in it also, so I may have to indulge early.
Niki, we get through. My business will probably be cut in half sales wise next year, but my husband and I are trying to see if I can hold off on getting another account for awhile so I can see where this disease is going to take me. There are ways to cut back, and even though we have a son going to college in the fall, we are going to try for a little while.
I will let everyone know how the spinal went later on. My laptop is wireless, so I can try to get on from the bed or couch.
Duttin, Cindy and MS For life-
THANK YOU. ALL OF YOU. You guys are the reason that I survive this stuff. Thanks so much for your kind words, wishes and support!
Duttin, I am not so much drug phobic as I am being told right now NO DRUGS, NO STEROIDS, Not much of anything, heck I cant even take my supplements, as surgery is now less than 3 weeks away...when things are insane, I will pop a Xanax to get thru it, or at least sleep- but overall, Im drug free until the surgery is over...as for going back to court. It cant be done. We have tried twice before and still ow the attorney over 5000$ in fees- we cant win this, havent won anything we have Fought for, and at this point, its mute. BUt thanks for thinking of it.. but, Ill take your grandma's words of wisdom and all your prayers!
Cindy, you do know. I try to give my family responsiblity and they do pitch in...but sometimes, its me getting things done, or nothing gets done at all...we shall see how that is going to change when my husband is home all day. He tells me he will get things done for me- time will tell...as for the selling online. Have done it, will continue to do it, but will not allow my husband on my computer at all. He isnt computer knowledgable and I use my computer regularly for work. I cant take the chance of him doing what he usually does- deleting files, making things impossible to find...hes not of the computer age and has no interest in learning...but Ill continue to sell things here and there in hopes that the few bucks I earn at least keeps me in cosmetics! But it was a good suggestion, thanks.
Msfor Life- good luck with the spinal. I think your nuts having company the next day- but as long as you know what you have to do (stay flat and drink cafeine) youll get thru it. YOur lucky your husband was able to take the day off to be with you. Please keep us posted on your results and know Ill be thinking of you. Thank you for the kind words and letting me know im not alone..
All of you, thank you. I really appreciate that I have you guys....each of you have a great weekend and Ill keep ya posted!
Hugs and Happy Holidays.
Nikki: will be praying for your family. The situation you discribe is insurmounturble. This is a very hard time of year to get layed off. Surgery is always scary. It usually turns out better then we fear. I had a woman surgery in 2005. Please take good care of yourself. You are important and if your not in good health you can't help your family. They need you. I think mothers are the center of the family circle. Try any form of relaxation you know. I like to take bubble baths and play my music blocking out all other noises and maybe add candles. Have a merry christmas. Sassy
Last edited by sassy8; 12-21-2007 at 10:23 AM.
If I had a recipe to help prevent a relapse, I would give it to you in a heartbeat! I agree with Snoopy, just take care of yourself the best that you can.
Venting helps relieve pressure and stress too, so vent away!!!
I know how crazy busy your life is, I related to you on a separate thread earlier this month (vision problems) and could not believe how similar our lives were. The type of stress that is in your life is a constant one and right now there seems to be no relief for it.
My husband pays child support for 3 children and his payments will be increasing Jan 1st. He was laid of work for 4 months over a year ago and we got really behind!! He got a new job working at a mill. 2weeks ago, the sawmill part closed and everyone got their lay off slips. He works in plywood division and so far so good. My fingers are crossed.
Right now over half of his cheque go's to child support (still catching up). I pay the mortgage, the bills, the groceries and all the utilities. I work full-time and love what I do, but it takes its toll. I also work a second job part-time to help pay the bills.
What helps me? Well, I do alot of self talk. This happens when I am suppose to be sleeping but can't. Sometimes I say to myself "I can't do this anymore" and then a voice pops into my head and says "but you have too and you will, you can do it, youre resourcefull and will make it work"
I vent on this board which helps me alot because I can't with my husband, we will get into a huge argument and I don't need that stress.
Basically, Nikki, I am just taking each day as it comes and taking deep breaths along the way.
My heart go's out to you and I too pray that that the right thing will happen for you, either your promotion or something else better for both you and your family.
Sassy, thanks! I appreciate you sharing what you did with me. And, Im jealous, I cant take baths anymore- the heat does me in. But I miss them! I think Im going to have to find something else, but I think I should put more effort into finding it, because right now, Im about to blow from stress! But, thanks for taking the time to read and respond to my post....
Tasia. What can I say? You and I are so alike its really scary! My husband has over half his check go to his 3 kids, as well. And the worst part is it is garnished from his paycheck. We found out today that his unemployment wont cover the full amount, so they will be taking his entire unemployment check and Ill have to pay the difference. Add that to a mortgage (thru the roof) and the bills, food, gas, yada yada..im terrified. Thats probably why its 1 am, and im up, typing away....talk about venting!
Want to hear the best part? I got the promotion today. And, I dont want it. The stress that is going to come with this new position, along with the responsibliities is scaring the heck out of me- yes, they offered me a raise to go with it, but overall, Im not entirely sure its worth it. More than that, Im sitting here in tears because I know I dont really have a choice. Until my husband goes back to work, I kind of HAVE to take this.He is "proud" of me, and yet he is feeling really useless tonight. He wont discuss the job or how it affects my MS, he wont discuss the stress I am feeling or what to do about it, he just keeps telling me that my job is probably going to allow us to keep our home. By the way, we live in a 900 sq ft townhouse. If it were any smaller, it would be a doll house. Its not like we are living beyond our means- we certainly arent...and my job, it provides us with small perks ( I have a company car, they pay for the gas), they give me an expense account and now and then I can write small things off, like supplies for my home office (papertowels and stuff from the warehouse store- the membership to the warehouse store) I mean its stupid, but these small things DO make a difference...so the pressure to take this promotion is HUGE, they wont allow me to stay where I was, it was explained to me today that they need the person in the job to take on MORE responsiblity, and they want me to do it, but if I cant or dont want to, they need to find someone who will. I have until Jan 1 to decide and I may make myself sick in the meantime worrying about it.
Meanwhile, husband is snoring away in the next room while I sit here freaking out. Christmas is starting to bum me out because youre not supposed to get laid off for chirstmas or have to make decisions like this..my surgery is coming up and Im terrified of what will happen when its over. The gist of that is, after 20+ years on birth control, ive been told I have to stop it, so Im having both female surgery to remove cysts, and a tubal at the same time. IM terrified because my neuro has actually scared me, that once i go off the pill, my body is going to react horribly, and Ill be in worst shape then I am now physically...they are starting to believe that estrogen in the pill prevents relapses. It might, but I got dx after 20 years on the pill, have had several relapses on the pill, and am trying to convince myself that he is wrong- it wouldnt have been worse if I wasnt on the pill...its just a matter of getting off hormones being necessary for my overall health, if not my MS health. AAAAGHHHH! Im losing it, arent i?
Tasia. Hugs. Thanks. For being you and for being a voice of sanity tonight. Im thinking of you.....and appreciating you and everyone here who has made it possible for me to vent away tongiht...
hugs hugs hugs