I haven't posted in a while spent some time last night in the wee hour's thinking and crying. I'm into my second month of copaxone. Let me say it is starting to mess up my love life big time. I never dare do my shot alone for fear of the ( BIG REACTION ) everyone warns about. So I wait till my husband get's home and I have him do it. usually right before we go to bed..... So there I lay with either a heat pad or Ice .... not being able to turn over. or even as much as ( cuddle ) with my hubby. It's always, dont touch me or it may hurt, poor guy never knowing which area not to give me a little squeeze or a hug.
I need to get the courage to do the shot on my own ( in the mornings ) but I am alone during the day. What happens if I have the dreaded ( heart-attack like reaction ) has anyone experienced this while being alone? are you in any condition to call 911 if needed? will I have this fear forever?
I purposely missed my injection last night because I needed that intimacy of just holding my husband ! He fell asleep and I just layed there and cried. He always does my shots and I worry I am becoming a ( patient ) to him. an un-sexy SICK woman. My self esteem right now is about at negative 10. Do you ever worry about not being enough for your husband? or that feeling that you have lost your lover? We are very close emotionally and physically. I just HATE the every day reminder with copaxone that I have a chronic disease and always will have. It's taken all of the spontaneous moments out of my life. It's enough to make me want to switch to a once a week injection. However my neuro is really worried about my depression with the other medications.
un-sexy, isolated, lonely, and scared SICK person !
You can do it. I have faith in you. If you have not had an adverse reaction as of yet, you may be fine....how long have you been taking the copaxone? I take my shot around 10:30pm, ice it then wait until 11 or so to go to bed. That way the stinging/burning effect has worn off and my hubby and I can get busy if we so wish...I make sure to let him know where I injected so he does not touch me there and we are all good.
If you want to do your shot in the morning, I say go for it. You will be fine.
I'll keep you in my thoughts though.
Diagnosed MS December '07. Transverse Myelitis May '07, Optic Neuritis Oct '07.
No lesions, possible lesion in thoracic spine..definite pain in midback.
Started Copaxone Nov '07
Buck up and just DO it, as the Nike ads say. Your fear is getting in the way. My partner has to do back of arms and high hips because I can't reach them. If you haven't had the "heart attack" sensation yet you probably won't.
But what I hear in your words is aversion to the whole idea off being ill,mixed with fear that your husband won't find you sexy anymore. You ought to try wearing paper diapers to bed if you want to feel unsexy! You are still who you were before the disease--just need to make some accomodations. Do you have a trusted friend who could sit with you while you self-inject (I'm assuming you use the auto injector?) in the morning? Then when hubby comes home you won't be a patient to him--you'll be the wonderful woman he married and ready for roses and chocoate (or whatever!). Have you spoken to your husband about these fears? A counselor or one of the MS nurses?
I'm fortunate in that my partner suffers from vasculitis and we're both on pretty strong antiepressants and don't often feel in the mood for sex. But we make plans for it when we are both having good days. I shot her up with Enbrel for years, so she's pretty cool with injecting me.
Do try to tal to both hubby and a professional about this. My guess is that hubby is more stressed by your strss than he is by the disease.
Best of luck!
ps I've decied to be the best-dressed disabled person in town--cheers me up. Try keeping up w makeup etc--tho mascara is a challenge with MS. But I know blind people who put on makeup beautifully,and they are my inspiration!
If you havent had that big reaction, you're probably not going to. I'm still kind of a newbie at doing the injections of C too, and I've been doing them alone the entire time.
The only time I've had help was when I had my dad give me an injection in the back of my right arm. (never again, he injected too fast and that's the only time I've had the BIG reaction, and it's the only time I've not used the autoject) I'm the only who injects myself now.
The reaction was a bit scary, but it wasnt as scary as some people make it out to be.
Plus, if I, a total scaredy cat when it comes to needles can do it (I cant watch when I get a shot of something at the doctor's office) You can probably do the injections alone.
I showed my boyfriend (I dont live with him) how I do the injections once when I first started doing the injections. He thought it was pretty cool that I could do it by myself...and I wasnt scared to get intimate with him afterwards. He was just really careful to not bump the injection site (my thigh)
Plus, the boyfriend may soon have to start injections of insulin for diabetes, so he was pretty impressed that if I could do it for MS drugs, then he could probably do it for insulin shots if he ever needs to.
My husband does my injections, though not copaxone, but it's not a huge deal for him because he's a tattoo artist. I am not ready to do it myself yet, and I know I need to. I'm not ready yet.
After my diagnosis I felt very unattractive, and I still often do. I bought more stupid beauty products than I care to admit. I bought another one today. It seems like I need so much to feel attractive. I feel guilty sometimes that I'm robbing him of so much--this is a family disease.
I know that some day his caretaker responsibilities may expand way past injections. I told him that he might have to catheterize me one day--and talking about it makes it easier. Still, there are a lot of fears there and I don't think that talking to a professional would be a bad idea.
The fact that your husband even does your injections suggests that there is a lot of love and intimacy there. You probably feel more unattractive to your husband than you really are--talk to him about it. I've only had the dx for a few months, and my husband and I are both struggling with all of this. THere's no question that if you have MS and you're fortunate enough to have some kind of partner, you do have to deal with it together.
I want to give you one more thing to think about. Everyone here offered you solid "go for its" because its important that you learn to do this on your own and feel good about it, but I wanted to share my story.
In the beginning, my husband did my shots for the first month or two...he felt 'needed" and it helped us to understand MS together..but then one night, we got into a fight. A huge fight. He actually said to me "im not doing your shot for you tonight". I cried. Buckets. I screamed, begged, pleaded. I got into my car and drove to my doctors office (closed), went to the local ER (with my shot in my pocket) begged them to do it for me, they wouldnt, by the way because its illegal for them to shoot me with a prescription they didnt fill and they didnt stock Rebif in the ER- drove to the local rescue squad and asked if any EMTs there would do it, none were in the house at the time, they were all out on the road. By now, 3 hours had gone by, I was actually so angry at my husband that I went home and threatened to stick him with the darned needle if he didnt do this shot for me- and he still refused.
Guess what? I went upstairs to my office with a bag of ice...shut the door. Iced the spot and stuck the needle in my leg. Done!
I went downstairs, told him to stick it because I did it all by myself and he broke into a huge smile. He then informed me that HE NEEDED ME TO BE ABLE TO DO THIS MYSELF. He was afraid that the time would come when he wouldnt be there to do this for me, that I would be alone and have to take care of this myself...he wanted to prove to me that I could do this.
I didnt agree with his reasons or his tactics, but I had to admit, I felt good knowing that I did it myself. It gave me a pride that I didnt realize I was missing...the fear of what would happen, would I get sick? would I have a reaction left me...and on top of it all, It didnt burn as bad because I controlled it, not someone else (who was doing it too fast).
From them on, for the next month, I would do the shot myself in front of him...kind of smirking that I didnt need him, but needing him in the room to make sure I went thru with it....we would end my shot with a quick kiss to be followed up with the promise of more, a few hours later when I started to feel like me again. It always worked...
Shortly after this, my boss sent me to Atlantic City for an Expo for a week....what if I couldnt do my own shots? I would have had to turn down a great experience for work. But, I COULD DO MY OWN SHOTS and I was able to do them without anyone knowing, by simply running to my room, and doing them on my break. This was exactly what my husband was planning for...he wanted me to know I could handle this.
Since that time, Ive done shots on a plane, in the bathroom....in my mothers powder room while people are outside the door talking, at work, locked in my office...whatever it takes. The power which came with knowing I can take care of my MS needs is the most valuable thing that my husband gave me this year.
learn how to do this for YOURSELF. Youll see that once you have control back in your life, your sex life and feelings of self worth will start to return.