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Old 03-31-2008, 06:21 PM   #1
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A Little Low Today

I need to vent, and this is the best place to do it.

I'm very worried. I have one week at work left, which I'm very happy about, as is my husband. I'm worried about money. I was never the breadwinner, but we will have to pay for COBRA until I find a new job. I'm also worried about that! If nothing terrible happens, we will be able to live okay at least thru the end of July, and my husband's doing very well at work.

I've been so upbeat and optimistic for the past few weeks, but now all the worry is just sinking in. I'm absolutely exhausted too. One would think that with four days left of my job it wouldn't be stressing me out, but it is. I have four days to train my replacement. And my boss has been saying nasty things about me, to my face and behind my back, none of which is work-related. It's all about my health, or frankly, sexual things. He's being a pig. I do not get offended easily but his comments are making me sick.

I'm so worried that I'm going to become a burden to my husband. He says I'm not, he says I made the right decision to quit my job. He says to take my time and find a job that I'll love, and he's encouraging me to write more articles for the county's weekly paper. He's been very sweet about the whole thing. He's been great about giving me my injections and making sure I have everything I need. Today he asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I had forgotten, it's in two weeks. I usually get so excited about birthdays. I don't even feel worthy of a birthday present right now. I just feel very low and down on myself. To my family, friends, and coworkers I am very brave and self-confident, and usually I really am. Tonight I just feel completely hopeless.

If I was a drinking girl, I'd get drunk right now. Unfortunately one glass of wine just makes me tired. I'd go to bed but I can't stop thinking and I have to clean the kitchen. I guess I just need a little encouragement. My husband told me last week that all I do is "vent" to him about work, so I don't want to talk to him about how I'm feeling right now.

Sorry about the ramble. I just needed to get it out.
__________________
April
dx 9/07
Avonex started 11/07,
Stopped 4/10 due to no insurance.

 
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Old 03-31-2008, 06:30 PM   #2
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Re: A Little Low Today

Thanks, Nenu. I'm just sick with worry right now and trying to relax.
__________________
April
dx 9/07
Avonex started 11/07,
Stopped 4/10 due to no insurance.

 
Old 03-31-2008, 10:23 PM   #3
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Re: A Little Low Today

You will only be a burden if you make yourself a burden. Your life needs not end; begin anew and discover that which God has in store for your life.

 
Old 04-01-2008, 12:48 PM   #4
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Re: A Little Low Today

Jayhawk, I wrote down what you posted so I can read it whenever I'm feeling like a burden. Thank you!

THis morning I fell when I got out of the shower, my left leg just felt like jelly. I went to work and as soon as I got there, fell right on my butt. They sent me home from work. So today I've been practicing using my cane. I bought it awhile back and I've only had to use it once. Well, today it's been a huge help to me and I feel a lot safer with it. I'm already getting some of the feeling back in my leg and I'm very grateful.

I am determined to feel better. I have three days of work left and I want to pack in all I can. My coworkers planned a dinner out for me Friday before my shot, so I want to feel well for that. Most importantly, I want to feel well when I start job hunting.

I talked to my husband about some of the things I'm worried about, that I wrote about yesterday. I tried to keep it light. He reassurred me and asked that I take a couple of weeks "vacation" before job hunting, just to get some rest. I agreed I'd take a week. It's a good time to get my garden ready, so that's what I'll focus on next week.

Thank you for letting me vent.
__________________
April
dx 9/07
Avonex started 11/07,
Stopped 4/10 due to no insurance.

 
Old 04-01-2008, 03:28 PM   #5
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Re: A Little Low Today

Make sure that your cane fits you properly. You should have it fitted to where your arm is slightly bent (not straight). If your legs get worse, please consider a power chair. You do not need to use it every day, but when your legs feel like jelly, it is a good day to use the power chair. I use it about 90% of the time indoors. It is easier to get it paid for while you have insurance than when you have medicare.

As to feeling low, as the shortest guy in my family, I feel low every day!!

 
Old 04-01-2008, 03:32 PM   #6
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Re: A Little Low Today

I'm glad you brought up the cane issue, Jayhawk. My cane is too tall. My arm is extremely bent when I use it and my left arm is in pain now. It's not adjustable either, so I need to get a new one. When I bought it I hadn't even considered the size, and I'm only 5'2.

I'm taller than my husband on those rare occasions when I wear heels! I'm glad he's short because I can see those lovely eyes of his better!
__________________
April
dx 9/07
Avonex started 11/07,
Stopped 4/10 due to no insurance.

 
Old 04-01-2008, 03:48 PM   #7
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Re: A Little Low Today

Maybe we're doppelgangers! I love that word. I wish the keyboard had the little symbol with two dots so I could spell it right.

You got me thinking about the lactose thing. MS is most prevalent in areas of the world where milk and dairy cheese is eaten. People in Africa, Asia, and the Mediterranean don't get it as much. I read a book called The History of Food that pretty much divided Europe between dairy and olive oil/goat cheese consumption. I wonder how many of us are lactose intolerant, and if there's any coorelation with MS?

Africans and Asians are more more likely to be lactose intolerant than people of Northern European descent, and I assume this is because they just don't eat it and have no antibodies.

It seems to me from my amateur research that the same populations of people who eat dairy are the same who have MS. What's the deal?

I do eat yogurt every single day, it doesn't seem to bother me at all. I love cheese, the older and stinkier the better, but I abstain. Eating a piece of pizza, unless I take a lactate pill, will tear me up. I haven't had milk in years. I started getting sick from it as a small child so my parents didn't make me drink it--big source of jealousy for my little sister, who always had to finish her whole glass before getting up from the table. I got orange juice or water.
__________________
April
dx 9/07
Avonex started 11/07,
Stopped 4/10 due to no insurance.

 
Old 04-01-2008, 08:31 PM   #8
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Re: A Little Low Today

I am using a hickory cane I purchased for $8 in 2002. You can buy an adjustable cane or you can purchase a wooden cane and saw it shorter to fit you. If your arm is bent too much, you may fall easily without being able to support yourself.

I used forearm crutches for 3 years to regain my walking balance. I have not used them since 2006, but I keep them if needed. I use a mobility service dog and my cane.

Since you are 5'2", there are many Service Dog breeds from which to choose. A service dog loves their job and they love it most when you are their burden! On bad days, I am often moved to tears because my service dog knows I am in bad shape and puts out a every effort to make my day good. I am especially blessed when he helps me. Every day is a blessing when God's creation helps me.

Last edited by MSJayhawk; 04-01-2008 at 08:41 PM. Reason: add

 
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