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Old 04-08-2008, 09:31 PM   #1
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I'm depressed.

It took alot to say that, but I am finally willing to say that I am.

I'm looking at a life filled with . . . not much.

I miss work.

I'm not in pain, but I can't do much of anything. I use a walker but I can't walk far and I miss exercising.

I'm tired of making do (nothing is easy, even if I "can make it work". Everything is a struggle.).

I'm far from suicidal I just want to be happy again. Maybe sad is a better description of how I feel than depressed.

Can anyone shed light on this?

 
Old 04-09-2008, 05:05 AM   #2
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Re: I'm depressed.

Hi. Im really sorry to hear you say these things, but I dont think you are alone...the question is- do you feel like this all the time, or is this just one of those days/weeks? Having MS is tough sometimes and its even harder when the people around you just dont get it...WE get it. TRUST ME. Youre NOT alone in feeling this way.

I really hope youll talk to your doctor about how you are feeling- and possibly investigate some sort of anti-depressent. It doesnt have to be long term, maybe just something which will help you cope right now. Also, I hope that youll investigate some exercise classes for "handicapped" (God I hate that word) people...the YMCA offers some classes for mobility issues and stretching- yoga and pilates- even swimming ...all of these things would both get you out and about and help your need for exercise (and socializing!) But they would be geared towards people exercising with "issues" and we all know that us MSers have issues some of the time! Think about it?

Mostly remember that its okay...admitting it is HUGE- and it should help just to get it off your chest...your not crazy- you might not even really be depressed in the clinical sense. You might be having a typical crappy MS week or you might actually need to talk to your doc about this...either way, youre NOT ALONE.

hugs to you.
Nikki
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Old 04-09-2008, 05:37 AM   #3
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Re: I'm depressed.

If you used to be a regular exerciser, then you may be feeling bad because you are not getting your workout. I used to run 15-20 miles a week and everyone used to say, "Is that how you stay so slim?" I said, no, that's how I stay sane. It was my stress reliever. I never ran with headphones because it was my time to talk to God, or just talk to myself. I worked out many things during my running. When I had to quit, only my daughter who exercises like I do understood. Now I am able to use the elyptical trainer at the gym, but I see others running on the treadmill and I still long for it. So I started setting goals for myself on the elyptical trainer and it has really helped. I look forward to my workouts now. You may not be able to use the elyptical trainer, but I'm sure there is something for you. I enjoy breaking a sweat when I work out for some reason, but I know I shouldn't allow myself to get overheated either, so I kind of use that as my guide. Good luck.

 
Old 04-09-2008, 06:27 AM   #4
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Re: I'm depressed.

You're not alone in feeling sad, that is certain. It's hard not being able to do the things we used to do.

And your body isn't getting all the happy endorphins you used to get while exercising. Yoga would be great, if you could do that. It helps a lot with balance issues too.
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Old 04-09-2008, 07:59 AM   #5
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Re: I'm depressed.

Thanks everyone. The sun isn't shining today but I feel much better than I did last night. I think I figured out what happened yesterday.

I had an appointment with my neuro and he was very pleased with how I'm doing ("You look great. You're walking well. Your strength is better by about 100%".)

My take: I look great??? Please. I'm walking well??? Please. I can now walk 1/2 MPH with a walker. My strength has improved??? So what, my coordination is still nil.

I came home and thought about how he thinks I'm doing well and about how I'm not doing how I want (i.e., is this all there is?!). I'm ready for a cure and it's nowhere in sight.

Re exercise: I used to swim laps for 20 minutes straight, 3-4 days a week. Before that, I ran. Now I climb onto an exercise bike and lift 5 lb weights. Without them I'd be really depressed, but I miss really being able to work out. As I mentioned; it's all such a struggle.

Thanks again everybody! I appreciate your support.

 
Old 04-09-2008, 09:06 AM   #6
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Re: I'm depressed.

I don't have much to say except that I really do understand what your going through. And to say that I know how hard it is to come to a realizing - and admitting - that you are depressed. While I was on betaseron my husband used to tell me "talk to someone... you are so depressed all the time" and I would laugh him off or shout at him "i'm NOT depressed". Now, being off the betaseron, in retrospect I was depressed - very depressed. I don't know if it was the betaseron or just the shots or just the fact that my MS was so obvious eveytime I had to stay home "because it was a shot night". Anyway, point being, once I saw it for what it was, I could move on it and now I ask myself everyday how I am feeling and when I am depressed I try to lock myself up for a few hours and really deal with it so that it stops before it builds. I think I just let the frustrations and "I can't"'s build for to long while trying to make the world think I was just fine. Now I have done a 180 and I am always telling people how not fine I am, and it seems to keep me from bottling it up and getting depressed. Who cares if they think i'm a whiner or a crazy? Not my problem.

As far as the excersing. Keep trying. Find the things you CAN do. Nik has great advice to take a special class. I take tai-chi now once per week and the teacher makes special adjustments just for me. He see's me the day before the class (he's also my accupuncturist and herbal doctor) and we talk about how i'm doing - then he can plan his class in a way that is suitable for me (obviously in conjunction with his other students/patients as well). If he is doing an excersize that I can't/shouldn't do then he will tell me one I can do in it's place.

Best of luck "finding the balance"
Shell

 
Old 04-09-2008, 09:47 AM   #7
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Re: I'm depressed.

I can understand your bout of depression. Exercise helps, but just getting some fresh air will do wonders in my opinion. If I did not have my Service Dog, I would be 1/2 mph in the walker, too. I have been able to increase (on good days) my walking with my SD's assistance.

I have been saving money to purchase a Theracycle which has an electric motor to help you move your body when you can not.

Rest assured that you are experiencing what many others do.

As a side note, have you tried the Nintendo Wii? I play golf, bowling, and try to play baseball on the Wii. It can be done standing or sitting. Also, cognitive exercises can help alleviate depression and strengthen the mind.

 
Old 04-09-2008, 10:14 AM   #8
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Re: I'm depressed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MSJayhawk View Post
As a side note, have you tried the Nintendo Wii? I play golf, bowling, and try to play baseball on the Wii. It can be done standing or sitting. Also, cognitive exercises can help alleviate depression and strengthen the mind.
Jayhawk, you play games? I play a massive multiplayer online computer game. I've been playing for 6 years now. That game plus voice chat with friends playing, was my savior. Being able to escape into a fantasy world, quest and become involved to such a degree, helped me to escape reality.

My friends (online friends mind you) were extremely compassionate and supportive through everything with me, and asked me daily how I was doing. They joked with me about things "We always knew you had a problem with your head!" that made me laugh and helped immensely. My situation may be different than other's, I don't have anyone around me (live alone), and my parents are quite a long distance from me.

 
Old 04-09-2008, 10:29 AM   #9
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Re: I'm depressed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nenu View Post
Jayhawk, you play games? I play a massive multiplayer online computer game. I've been playing for 6 years now. That game plus voice chat with friends playing, was my savior. Being able to escape into a fantasy world, quest and become involved to such a degree, helped me to escape reality.

My friends (online friends mind you) were extremely compassionate and supportive through everything with me, and asked me daily how I was doing. They joked with me about things "We always knew you had a problem with your head!" that made me laugh and helped immensely. My situation may be different than other's, I don't have anyone around me (live alone), and my parents are quite a long distance from me.
LOL, I like to think I play games! My two sons challenge me. I have long been surpassed by my oldest son, and my youngest son is beating me about 60% of the time. My online work deals with assisting MS patients in Japan and translating MS news for distribution among Japanese MS patients.

Online escapes and gaming are indeed enjoyable and therapeutic in my opinion. My body might not work, but my brain is always working!!

 
Old 04-09-2008, 11:46 AM   #10
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Re: I'm depressed.

Most definitely. I think the idea of keeping your hands moving/active and your eyes (coordination), plus your brain goes a long way in helping with our condition. Of course, gaming alone isn't enough. I also read and enjoy things like logic puzzles to keep the mind ticking.

I avoid television like the plague, except in cases where I find a good documentary to watch

 
Old 04-09-2008, 02:35 PM   #11
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Re: I'm depressed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nenu View Post
Most definitely. I think the idea of keeping your hands moving/active and your eyes (coordination), plus your brain goes a long way in helping with our condition. Of course, gaming alone isn't enough. I also read and enjoy things like logic puzzles to keep the mind ticking.

I avoid television like the plague, except in cases where I find a good documentary to watch
TV is not high on my list of to do things, but during especially difficult times, TV can help your brain relax. I watch to "veg-out" with a favorite DVD.

 
Old 04-09-2008, 02:43 PM   #12
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Re: I'm depressed.

Double Post, sorry.

Last edited by MSJayhawk; 04-09-2008 at 02:49 PM. Reason: Double posted....

 
Old 04-09-2008, 05:24 PM   #13
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Re: I'm depressed.

MS is so annoying, and depression comes w. the territory. I had an awful couple of days last week, but they passed.

Listen I hear you about exercise. I want my solitude in the woods back, trail running. I want a lot of things back. But you know, if you pick an activity and just work on it slowly, sooner or later you may amaze yourself. I've been doing water aerobics for about six months. When I started, I lasted 15 minutes. Now I can do the whole hour at a fast rate of speed, have dropped 35 lbs, and can walk short distances w.o. a walker. And THAT made possible riding our horse again. First time I got up and rode off, everyone at the stable burst into tears they were so happy for me. Amd I don't have a mild case of MS. They *think* it's probably secondary progressive, but I think it's relapsing-remitting. And I'm 55. And, as you can tell, a complete optimist.

So good luck. Swimming is *great*, but don't overdo. You feel wonderful in the water, then get on land and have noodle legs.

 
Old 04-10-2008, 09:29 AM   #14
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Thumbs up Re: I'm depressed.

You "guys" are such an inspiration!

I am told I have SP. I'm very interested in what several of you have said - that you started exercising and now walk much better. Are docs missing the boat by not emphasizing this? (What a shock.)

THANKS!!!!!

 
Old 04-10-2008, 01:12 PM   #15
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Re: I'm depressed.

JLBrow- just wanted to mention something Ive found really helpful. I bought a very inexpensive balance ball (one you sit on ) and some video tapes which accompany it...I can do them in my home, starting and stopping whenever I need to...but these are CORE exercises...basically what that means is that by sitting on the ball, you strengthen your core (middle section) and it really REALLY helps with balance. I find that when I do these a couple times a week, I am able to walk and balance better in general....by adding hand weights or ankle weights to the exercises, you can also tone up arms, thighs, butt- even do sit up exercises with it to work your abs... it really does work, and its very simple, inexpensive and takes up virtually no space.

You might want to look into core exercising....its a very slow pace to start to work up to building muscle tone and getting some important balance exercises going...

just an FYI..
hugs
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