Re: dont know where to turn
Oh, you are certainly not alone! I have been diagnosed since September, and even though I don't think about it constantly anymore, there are lots of days when I'm ready to tear my hair out because things are so much harder!
I know what you mean about the looking good thing. There are times when I wish the holes in my brain were on the outside.
This disease is frustrating and unpredictable, and it leads to all the fears and what-ifs. The disease has changed my life dramatically. My motto now is One Day at a Time. Sometimes thinking about the future (even tomorrow) is just too overwhelming.
On good days, I am thankful for every day that I get out of bed and can walk "normally". On bad days, I take it out on my loved ones, particularly my husband, who has evolved into a remarkably understanding person. I become distant and just a mean person.
Do you have a good support system at home, are you on any anti-depressants? The support system has been a life saver for me (as is this board) and the anti-depressants help a bit.
I'm sorry you're in so much pain. Sometimes the internal pain is much worse than the external pain. Please know that you're not alone, not at all, and please vent away. It's a healthy way of getting out all those nasty feelings. I've done it many times here and I'll continue to do so.
Avonex started 11/07,
Stopped 4/10 due to no insurance.