okay this is my problem..i was dx over 2 years ago. I still have a hard time accepting my MS, emotionally i am drained! I blame others for how i feel and then i get mad when they dont understand how i feel. Does that make sense? I feel myself getting worse and i can tell when my hands dont work when i want them too, or when i try to get up off of the ground and i cant, or when i am watching TV and my eyes go blurry. everyday seems like it is an internal struggle for me. I dont know what to do, and im afraid that one day i am going to wake up and my legs will never work again..being that i feel myself progressing into this disease at a fast rate. I guess what i want to know is for others...did you have a hard time dealing with the dx of MS or are you still having a hard time. I notice alot that i try to explain to someone about how i feel and they look at me and say well you look good. I dont want to look good anymore i want to feel good and i dont. I havent for a very long long time. Lately i have noticed that i push myself to the point where i break because of the constant pain i have or i break because my hands cramp up and wont let me close that button on my daughters shirt or i drop my fork five times because my fingers go numb, oh the list goes on and on....sorry i rambled on here but i just need imput, please make me feel like i am not alone! tanks
Oh, you are certainly not alone! I have been diagnosed since September, and even though I don't think about it constantly anymore, there are lots of days when I'm ready to tear my hair out because things are so much harder!
I know what you mean about the looking good thing. There are times when I wish the holes in my brain were on the outside.
This disease is frustrating and unpredictable, and it leads to all the fears and what-ifs. The disease has changed my life dramatically. My motto now is One Day at a Time. Sometimes thinking about the future (even tomorrow) is just too overwhelming.
On good days, I am thankful for every day that I get out of bed and can walk "normally". On bad days, I take it out on my loved ones, particularly my husband, who has evolved into a remarkably understanding person. I become distant and just a mean person.
Do you have a good support system at home, are you on any anti-depressants? The support system has been a life saver for me (as is this board) and the anti-depressants help a bit.
I'm sorry you're in so much pain. Sometimes the internal pain is much worse than the external pain. Please know that you're not alone, not at all, and please vent away. It's a healthy way of getting out all those nasty feelings. I've done it many times here and I'll continue to do so.
Avonex started 11/07,
Stopped 4/10 due to no insurance.