In Need Of Rest & Feeling Frustrated!! - Multiple Sclerosis Message Board

cindys601 · 06-26-2008, 04:59 PM

Hi guys~

I feel very frustrated right now and had no one to turn to to vent it out to so where else can I go? You guys always have a way of making me feel better, so here it goes...

In my surgery update, I said how my house has been nothing but visitors and yesterday, I locked my doors so everyone would stay away. I'm really not an anti social person. Quite the opposite but I really just need some time to breathe at this point and rest and I'm feeling smothered.

I gave up my job for the sake of my health so that I can take time to take care of myself. I found replacements for my parents so I wouldn't feel bad leaving. One of the replacements is Bobs niece.

She's a single mom of 3 so she works her day job, picks up her 4 year old from child care and gets here to work at my parents between 1 and 4. So we have her little girl pretty much the whole afternoon and she bounces between my house and my moms, which is right next door.

Honestly, I don't have the energy to entertain her but my 16 year old and 18 year old are generally here so she's entertained. I aso keep her 8 year old son on weekends so she can get a break and she tries to get babysitters for the other 2 girls.

I've explained to her time and again that I just can't handle all 3 of them at once. One on one, they are well behaved but when all 3 are together, They are BEASTLY!! They fight horrible, bite and kick each other and destroy my house and I don't have the strength to clean up behind them.

On Sunday when I came home from New york, I was greated by her and all the kids plus more people. But thats understandable because they were worried and wanted to see me when I got home.

Monday, her kids only had a 1/2 day so I had all 3 while they're mom worked. Tuesday, they had no daycare so she showed up at 12:30 and what a horrible day!! I had already warned her and the kids that if they fight, they'll have to go next door with they're mom.

Well, don't ya know, her 6 year old kicked her sister in the face, of couse testing me. I told her calmly, she had to go. Her arms crossed her chest, she flatly said no and stood her ground. I was standing in my kitchen, helpless. I'm unable to lift so I couldn't carry her out.

I called my 21 year old out to the kitchen and gave her an alternitive to walk next door or he would carry her out. And if he had to carry her, she wouln't be coming back. She finally left and at the end of her moms work, she brought her back over and visited for another hour, which defeated the punishment.

So yesterday, I was frustrated because as I told Bob, wouldn't you think she would have common curtesy not to dump 3 kids on me just after returning home from major surgery? Bob agreed so I told him when her 4 year old came up yesterday, I pretended i was sleeping. 2 hours later her mom came over and I still pretended I was sleeping so they left. I just need a break!!

So today, the 4 year old shows up at 2:00. I'll deal. At 4:00 my house was filled again with all 3 of her kids. They started a summer program at the school across the street which their mom was excited about because it would make her life easier. The program runs till 6. She works till 5. But the thoughtful mother that she is, at 4:00, she left work, walked across the street, picked them up, then sent them up to my house and she returned to work!!

GRRRR. I was so frustrated!! This will be a very long summer that I'm not up to at all. But she is a very nice person and has been so good to me, who is alone with 3 kids and I just don't want to hurt her. Then again, if she gets upset at me and feels slighted, she may decide not to work for my parents.

So again, I closed my eyes, pretending to sleep so I wouldn't have to be responsible for they're care. An hour later, she came to my house and I pretended sleep again. She gathered her kids, who fealt cheated because of they're short visit. Her son was freaking out, screaming and she litterally had to drag him out. But I continued my "sleep"

Easily, she could just work, then pick up the kids at daycare and all this would have been avoided. But she's definately not being respectful to my needs at this point. And I know the advice you all would share is to talk to her about it. But theres just alot at risk with my familys buisiness if I do that. So I'm really not looking as much for a salution but I really just needed to get this off my chest because I'm so mad, my face is hot and my blood pressure is up and once I get it all out, I'll be able to think more clearly.

But I guess for the days to come, I'll just have to have everyday naps and the struggle she will have to go through to get the kids to leave will hopefully make her realize its wiser to keep them in daycare until the end of her workday.

If I could get in the car and make myself scarse, I would but I have 4-6 weeks of home entrapment. And thats how I'm feeling right now. If I had the ability to babysit, I might as well have just gone to work and get paid for it!!

I just need some me time right now and its been along road for me to get that!!

Sorry this is soooo long but I feel better already!! Thanks for listening

Cindy

april1848 · 06-26-2008, 06:20 PM

Goodness gracious, I think you deserve a lot better than that after going through surgery and everything else. Your niece sounds incredibly insensitive. She probably doesn't know she's doing any harm, and her situation does sound difficult, but it seems that she's very naive.

Fortunately your husband (he sounds great) agrees with you. Could he talk to her about this instead of you? She may not understand at all the effect this is having on you, and if she heard it from your husband, she would hopefully get it, and not harbor hard feelings towards you or quit the family business.

I can't imagine having three young kids in the house right now, and I didn't just have surgery. It's just that a day at work is ALL I can handle in one day. I can't even begin to imagine how you've managed this so far; you are certainly one strong woman! I admire you so much! But you shouldn't have to manage this at all, especially when there's a day care so close by. I hope you find a good solution soon. You need and deserve this recovery time, and that should trump everything else. I hope you get some Me Time soon!

MSNik · 06-26-2008, 06:39 PM

Cindy, gotta agree with April on this one...can your husband help you out here and talk to his neice? I know that I was in a similar situation last year with my 3 stepkids..their mother saw me as a babysitter, and everytime she wanted to go out, she would drive by my house,if their was a car in the driveway say "everybody out" and drive off...so many times, my doorbell rang and there were my stepchildren, and their mother was long gone! I finally had to put a stop to it...all of this was going on while my oldest, who is legally adopted by me, was deciding if she wanted to live with us, or her birth mother, so it was a very confusing time for all of us...but finally I put my foot down and had to tell her if she did it again, I was taking the kids to the cops and fighting for custody of all three of them. With the amount of child support I pay her- she can VERY WELL afford a babysitter, and I wasnt one!

Eventually she moved an hour away so this finally did stop..but I feel for you. No one should be taken advantage of like that- and especially with your recovery period being so important- how dare she?

Please keep "sleeping" until this passes....its very possible that if you arent there (and are sleeping) and NOT entertaining the kids, theyll get bored and stop coming over altogether...but if that doesnt happen, someone (bob?) is going to have to confront their mother...

get some rest- some REAL rest.
Hugs
Nikki