Youre poem is terribly sad and it depresses me to read that anyone is feeling like you describe. Im sorry.
Holiday time can be really difficult for some people- however, its just another day. If this is the 5th time you have felt like this, then you arent doing anything to change the situation. I dont want to judge you. Im sure that there are reasons why you arent seeing your children today, or that you are lonely...but I too- spent some time feeling like this, and I took control of it and promised never to feel like this again.
I joined a club, and made new friends. I took a job where I see much worse situations then I actually encouter, giving me strength and attitude that things can always be worse. I started volunteering at a shelter on holidays and made myself useful. I started forming meaningful friendships with people who actually would never dream of me being alone...and thru all this, I met my husband and have spent the last 5 years loving and being loved.
If you truly are depressed, please seek some help and find a way to overcome it. It can be done. And, please do not feel that you are being judged- especially at this time of year, its a constant reminder to give and try to help others who are less fortunate. But solutions are easily mentioned and much harder to actually do- so in the end, it is up to you to do something about it, or allow it to remain the same....
My heart goes out to you and I hope you find some joy and peace this holiday.
You might have family living far away, but you are not alone. There are many avenues for you to look into for your life. Would your kids feel comfortable if you moved closer to them? Are you disabled to the point of needing to apply for disability (the income is not great, but you can live without a lot of stress).
You might also want to look at volunteer opportunities. If you are physically able, there are many organizations always in need of someone to willingly help them. There are many lonely people who need help.
I truly hope that your day goes well and that you can claim some blessings that God has provided.
As for the MS Family, you are never alone!!
__________________
MS diagnosed since October 3, 1982
MS onset circa 1977
Proud to be MED FREE!
Eternally blessed and eternally optimistic!<><
Hello
I am so saddened by your post, I wish you the brightest happiest day possible. I know, I know, those are just words, but they come straight from my heart. This is such a hard holiday for people alone, I just wish at times I could wave a magic wand and change all the sadness to gladness for everyone.
You will be in my thoughts today. From my home and heart to yours , we all wish you a very very merry and peaceful Christmas.
Just another lonely holiday 
Its a better day.... 
