Feeling Inadequate and/or Useless - Muscular Dystrophy Message Board

Madalot · 10-30-2008, 07:56 AM

I really don't know where else to post this and I'm not really looking for answers, more of just a place to vent where people can understand what I'm saying and why.

Life is the way it is for all of us and we all have to face problems and various crisis from time to time.

Although nothing is definite, there is a good possibility that a close family member is going to be diagnosed with cancer (again) and have to go through surgery and chemo.

If I didn't have this stupid Muscular Dystrophy, I would do so much to help -- cooking, cleaning, etc. But I am so limited in what *I* can do that I just don't feel like I'm much help in family emergencies. And while I know that they "appear" to understand that I really can't help that much, there is a part of them that doesn't 100% believe that I am as disabled as I claim to be.

But this really isn't about me and I need to be supportive of my family during this medical crisis. And that's exactly what I want to do, and will do, but have to be realistic about my ability to help.

I am just curious if anyone else has experienced this feeling of being useless when other people need help.

michigani · 10-31-2008, 12:04 PM

Kathy,
You said the same thing that's in my head all the time. I'm one of only 2 men in a family of many women and girls. I've always fixed everyone's plumbing, and cars and electrical problems. I was always glad to do it. Now I can't. Worse then that my mom and mother in law both need lots of help now that they are getting older and I can't offer any. I was driving my mom for along time but she has a walker and getting her in and out is torture! I'm glad when I can get myself somewhere without asking anyone. Now she's trying to hang on to me so she won't fall! Can you imagine?! I'd be offering help to friends and family everyday if I could. It's very frustrating and disheartening. I understand believe me!

peachiemom · 12-01-2008, 01:23 AM

I struggle with those feelings all the time. I try to redirect to things I can do, like make phone calls, email, create things on the computer, make scrapbooks for the ill or elderly to look at or make display family photo collages for family member funeral, graduations, etc. I volunteer with the PTO and do the website and all publications on the computer. Choose what your passion is and become an expert at it. That way you will have something to offer, that you can provide for people when things need done.
Jodie

sarahJ74 · 04-25-2009, 01:07 AM

Jodie you have the best, uplifting comments

I wish you lived next door

I feel very inadequate and useless a LOT of the time. I feel like I'm ALWAYs asking someone to do something for me but can't do much for others. It is hard. But Jodie is right. We all have something that we can do for others. Phone calls, cards, etc.. People need all kinds of help. Not just physical.

skyla76 · 03-27-2010, 08:06 AM

I feel useless everyday,I have stopped putting any effort into my appearance which is why I believe my 7 year old doesn't want me to come into his school anymore,lifting my arms to do my hair is just to unbearable.I wanted to be on the PTA at my sons school but getting in and out is too much,plus I have a cain that I would rather not use.So I get the stares from the other parents when I'm holding on to walls I know they think I'm on drugs or drunk.I depend on my boyfriend for too much after him standing at work for an 8 hour shift he has to come home and take care of me,and do things I should have done all day since I"m disabled and can't work,I fear of getting stuck in the basement as I've done several times either falling and not being able to get up or not being able to make it back up the stairs.I have 4 sisters whom are perfectly healthy whom constantly invite me to outtings like clubbing or going out to eat,can you imagine me in a club,they call me boring and stuckup,but inside I really want to even if I go in and sit down I won't be able to make it back to the car without holding on to one of them which would just be to embarassing.I usually have to end up holding on to one of them if we go out to eat and I pray I don't have to go to the bathroom if we're out but they don't understand they just make me feel bad about myself.I've chosen to stay away from my family because they don't understand how I feel and end up making me feel worse.Lately I feel more depressed than usual because the summer is coming and that causes for outdoor activities which I dread.I think about leaving my son with his father and checking myself into some sort of nursing home where I can just stay in the bed all day.But then I realize this is selfish thinking and what this will do to my 7 year old.sorry to be such a downer.