feeling a bit down... - Muscular Dystrophy Message Board

Broxy · 02-20-2009, 11:44 AM

Hey guys, how are you all? I haven't been on a while as i've been having computer troubles

but everything sorted now. Anyway feeling a bit down today because i went out for a walk on my own with dog which i really should not do but i was feeling ok and i felt i needed a bit of freedom which was short lived as i fell when i was out, well actually my foot stuck and i tripped and i have no power or strength to save myself so i crashed down and i really cannot get up, so strangers had to help me up. I did not hurt my self but im just so embaressed and its knocked my confidence, feel like curling up and hiding in the house. Feel really stupid for thinking i could manage to go out myself but it wasn't far just to end of my street. Just thought i'd share and get of my chest.

Madalot · 02-20-2009, 06:59 PM

Hey Broxy --

I am so sorry about your outing and fall. I'm just glad you weren't hurt -- at least physically. I know that mentally, this will be a crushing blow to your self esteem. And believe me -- I understand.

I just did NOT feel like staying in the house today and decided to go - by myself - to our local warehouse club to shop. But I'll tell you what. A lot of planning and thought went into this before I made the trip. First off -- I called my husband to tell him I was going, to which his first comment was "are you sure you want to do this???" I said "no, but I don't want to sit in the house today. And the worst thing that happens is I can't get into the car (an suv) or I fall. And if either of those happens, I have my cell phone and we'll deal with it."

I decided to park near the cart return and PRAY that there were carts there so I could grab one on my way in. Then I had to be sure NOT to buy much frig/freezer items because there's no way I can get but so much in the house and put away. Then I remembered to put my rollator, with its basket, at the bottom of the ramp at the house so I could load the perishables into that and roll them (and myself) up the ramp and roll to the frig and freezer to put them away. Nonperishables could stay in the car to be unloaded later, but one of the items was REALLY heavy and I had mega trouble getting it in the basket, then out on the belt, then out again to put into the car. Whew. It was a successful trip, thank goodness, but harrowing nonetheless.

And a person shouldn't have to think so much about a simple trip to the store.

As you should be able to walk your dog without fear of falling.

But the reality is that none of us has that in our lives. Our lives are filled with planning, coping and fear.

I just keep trying to remind myself that there are other people in the world worse off than I am. I know there are. But it doesn't change that this totally stinks for me.

Try to keep your chin up. I know it's hard.

Broxy · 02-22-2009, 08:03 AM

Hey Madalot, i am so glad that your trip was successful but it can be really frustrating not being able to do simple things and always having to plan ahead so much so i need to know everything, location, where things are, stairs, hills etc. you probably know what i mean. Sometimes things can come up unexpected, a step, a seat you can't get out of and that horrible feeling of fear or dread when these occur.
I also tell myself there is people much worse than me and i am thankful for the things that i can still do but when you do fall or struggle you can think how rubbish it is a times.

Thanks Madalot for your kind words.

dkbladez · 02-22-2009, 11:04 AM

Hello All,
I know too well how you both feel. It does get hard when every step has to be planned, but don't give up. I understand and have been in the position where I had a fall and I couldn't get up by myself. I thank God that everytime that it has happened, there was always a stranger there to help me. I can't go anywhere by myself anymore but I'm learning to live with that. I just make the best of all my outings and try to do everything in one location. Walmart and strip malls are my new best friends. Don't stress about it, just look into getting whatever you need(mobility devices) to get out and about safely!

michigani · 02-27-2009, 09:37 AM

Hi Broxy, "dk" and Madalot,
Ditto....ditto....ditto!

Broxy, I'm sorry about the fall! I've fallen and had to ask strangers to help me up in the past. Then, for the rest of the day I want to stick my head in a hole, cry, shake and plus I lose all confidence for a few days. Are you using a cane or a walker? I can't remember if you have a scooter or chair but I LOVE my scooter, and MD will pay $2000 of it. (Scooters run $1600-$2200)

Kathy, I went grocery shopping the other day. It is absolutely at the limit of my ability now but I like to do it. I MUST park next to a cart corral. Fortunately my local grocery store has a corral NEXT to the HC parking spaces. Think of that! I always pray driving over there that they haven't just gathered the carts or I must wait until someone leaves one. I have a Dodge Nitro SUV. I bought it because the seat is exactly the right height! I cannot get out of a car. My brother in law had to lift me out of his Taurus a couple months ago so now I avoid cars. My wife has a mini van which I can get in and out of okay.

DK, I hear you on the all-in-one shopping centers. Once you're there it's not so bad, but getting in and out of the car and house is the worst part. I'm SO looking forward to Spring. We've had snow for 3 months now in Michigan and it got old 2-1/2 months ago!

My biggest issue right now is that my hip flexors are going. I can't lift my feet off the ground to walk. It gets exhausting because it feels like my legs weigh 100 lbs. Plus I can't lift them off the floor in the morning to get my socks and pants on.

TOTAL FRUSTRATION!!!!!

Other than that as always, I'm staying optimistic. Take care everyone!