I guess I am once again dipping into despair, and depression. I appear to also have developed some anxiety issues. I am right now in a place where the past, when I was healthy, no longer feels real. I can't recall emotions associated with good and bad experiences, it is as if my past is a movie I watched while only half awake. I cannot see a future, and really struggle with just making it through the day. I was doing better for a while, but only a short while. Anyway, lately I have started worrying about what would happen to me if something was to happen to my husband. I can obviously not get a long term care insurance policy. If something happened to my husband, I would not be able to take care of myself, and I am terrified that I would have to go live in a sub standard nursing home or something like that.
Whenever I bring up the issue, he tells me that nothing will happen to him, and that he has a life insurance policy for a reason. My psychologist agrees that this is something we need to take care of, and that it is a very real fear.
Do you guys have "contingency plans"? How do you deal with this issue?
Sometimes I am astounded at the similarities between the two of us. Like you, I have been doing a lot of thinking lately along these lines. What if something were to happen to my husband? What would happen to me?
And the answer is I don't have an answer. Financially, setting me up for any long term care facility or caregiver just isn't possible. I can't get any insurance other than what I already have, which isn't much.
It's a very frightening thought.
And with my newer breathing issues, the likelihood of my needing even more help and care is becoming very real. My husband and I have talked about this a lot. He's very much a "well, we'll see what happens and handle it then" type person. And at this point, we have no choice but to do exactly that.
I'm sorry I can't give you more insight, but I hope it helps to know that there are others of us that are in the same boat.
I too no longer remember what it feels like to walk normal, climb stairs, etc. I watch other people run, climb and get up out of a sofa and I think "How do they do that?!" It's really weird.
As for long term care I was VERY fortunate. One or two months after my diagnosis in 2002 we had a meeting at my work. John Hancock Insurance came in and offered Long Term Care Insurance for all employees, NO QUESTIONS ASKED. We had 30 days to act on it during which time they would waive the health questionnaire. I had just been diagnosed with MD so I signed up. It isn't cheap at $32/month but the policy pays $300/day for a nursing home or $150/day for an in-home caregiver if that day comes. But there is a $300,000 lifetime max which is only 1000 days in a facility or 2000 days at home.
My dad did not have this. I took care of him until the week I got married. Then my parents had to pay helpers hired through newspaper ads to take care of dad at home. Finally he went to a nursing home the last 2 years of his life. I think medicare paid a lot of that.
It's all very frightening and difficult. Even though I have the LTC insurance I face very expensive home remodeling or a brand new 30 year mortgage just as my wife and I are nearing 50.
Thanks for your responses, I guess there are no easy answers to this question. The only answer may be the wait and see approach our husbands seem to be taking. The fear for the future sometimes makes me afraid of living. There are so many things my husband could do if he was rid of me. We never had kids, and obviously never will, I know that hurts him, he loves kids and would really love to be a dad. We have discussed adopting from foster care, but that would just put even more strain on him, he would have an extra "baby" to take care of at home, while also being the breadwinner. Is that fair to him?
Anyway today is a really bad day. I got to the pool where is exercise in the mornings, and a friend of mine was happy to see me, and came up to give me a hug from behind. She is a lot bigger than me, and did not realize that hugging me from behind without warning is not a good idea. We both ended up face first on the floor in the middle of the lobby, my knees are severely bruised, and my ego seems to be even more bruised. Why?
I try not to ask why to much, but sometimes life just hurts so much. There is no help for us is there? We just have to get back up and do it again don't we?
I'm soooooo sorry you fell. How horrible. I always tell people who are about to hug me "BE CAREFUL"!!! They don't realize that even something nice like hugging can knock me off balance. I ABSOLUTELY understand and also the horror of falling down in public. You both must feel awful.
I too fear the future everyday. I constantly ask myself "What's going to become of me?"
I'm also very sorry you didn't have kids if that's what you had hoped for someday. I feel for your husband as I do for my wife. They are absolutely victims of this as well as us. It's all too bad.
Let us hope that advances in treatment will occur in our lives before we get too weak for it to help. At this point I would thank God for a treatment that would just stop me from getting worse. I'm just at the point where my legs will get me out of a lift chair or get me around the house hanging on for dear life.
Hang in there and always post when you need to vent.
Thanks for the encouragement Mark. Yes, my friend did feel terrible, we talked today, and I told her there were no hard feelings. My bruised knees will heal, the bruised ego will take a little longer, but eventually I will get over it.