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Old 03-30-2011, 03:53 PM   #1
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Messed up again

Hey Guys,

I managed to make a mess of myself today at my Dr's office. My psychiatrist is leaving town so I went to my family Dr to make a plan of where to go from here. We had a pretty good talk.

On my way out, I had an "ohh cr___ I am doing down), and before I knew it I was lying on the sidewalk with scrapes on my face and some pretty bruised up knees. They took me back in and cleaned me up, and I just lost it. I am going to a wedding on Saturday, and I am not to happy about that as I am not sure how to cover up my face enough for it to not be that noticeable, and I really really really don't feel like explaining to people that I fell etc. I struggle enough with what to tell my students at work tomorrow. I was just out for two weeks because of stress and anxiety, so calling in is probably not a good idea. Any suggestions?

P

 
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Old 03-30-2011, 05:25 PM   #2
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Re: Messed up again

Hi,

I am sorry about the fall. Hope you did not hurt yourself badly other than the scrapes and bruises.

I do understand how you feel, reluctant of explaining why i fell and etc. I would always passed it by saying "i'm plain clumsy". I nearly fell a moment ago when i was on my way to the bus-stop with dozens of people staring at me. I just simply take it as my clumsiness. But I always makes myself feel better by asking "who doesn't fall?". Healthy people do fall too.. just the matter of frequency and how prone they are. So don't be afraid, we are all with you. =) Anyway.. is the wound on your face deep? if not, you may try getting concealer to conceal?

Take care.

Cheers,
mint

 
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Old 03-31-2011, 06:31 AM   #3
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Re: Messed up again

Hey there Mint,

The pride probably took the biggest hit of anything, which surprises me, I didn't think I had any left. I am pretty sore today, probably a bit more than I would admit to my Dr, I was embarrassed to show him my knees because I hadn't shaved my legs *s*, but both are pretty bruised up. I know there is no real damage but boy does it hurt when I bend and stretch them. I am thinking about a punch line to come up with at work today. I emailed my boss and gave her a head's up, but my biggest concern is the students, they have no filter, and will keep asking questions, and all I want right now is just to be left alone. I was thinking something like: Oh I am in a play tonight, and this is my make up, or you think my face looks bad? You should see the other guy!

Anyway, I am not able to put any make up on it yet as it still oozes yucky stuff so it would just cake the makeup and make me look worse. I will probably stop by a pharmacy and ask if I can put liquid bandaid on it and then apply make up. Right now it just needs air I think. We are, of all things, going to a beach wedding on Saturday, I am really not to happy about that, first of all I am not a big fan of larger groups of people I don't know that well, and since it is on the beach I will have to find a hat or something like that to keep my face out of the sun. Thankfully it is a casual affair so it should be OK with a hat.

P

 
Old 03-31-2011, 11:29 AM   #4
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Re: Messed up again

Hey P,

I am so sorry about your fall. I remember all to well falling in public and the humiliation, bruised body and bruised pride. Of course, as you know, I now take my scooter everywhere. It TRULY is easier than it was when I was walking and worried about falling. And the world instantly knows I have a problem.

Still I remember vividly trying to hide my symptoms and struggling from everyone and always giving excuses when someone asked "Are you OK, you're limping" or "Are you alright, you're moving really slow". I'd always say, "Oh I'm just really tired today".

Very scary and frustrating.

It's weird. I used to fall all the time before and after I was diagnosed (Your brain has not caught up to the physical limitations yet). Now that my MD is REALLY bad, I fall 1-2 times a year and that's usually inside my home. Every step (literally every step) I am conscious about my balance and tell my self "don't fall"!

I feel for you. Hang in there!

Mark

 
Old 03-31-2011, 05:53 PM   #5
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Re: Messed up again

Mark,

You are right, one millisecond of not paying attention is all it takes. I am not really sure how it happened Yesterday, I may sound weird, but it seems as if I fall in "safe" places such at my Dr's office's parking lot, my pt's parking lot etc. I have a slight feeling that my brain may be playing games with me at times if that makes sense I always want to impress my dr's and therapists, and may just put to much of an effort into doing well, but at the same time I have this terrible fear that I am going to fall. It is only when I have that fear that it happens.

The kids at work today kind of looked at me funny, and only the ones without a filter asked what happened. I told them that a side walk jumped up and hit me in the knees and me face. One of them actually believed it ;-)

P

 
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Old 03-31-2011, 11:52 PM   #6
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Re: Messed up again

Hi P

I love your sense of humour - it is always so nice to hear

I fall at least once a week and the worst I fell was onto my stove that I burned myself badly but until now my face has stayed out of harm’s way.

I always fall at home as I use my scooter when outside but....the other day I fell with my scooter trying to go down a side path trying to be a dare devil - well the end result was me sideways with a scooter on my hip.

I just thought it was funny as both my boys were there laughing so badly that they could not help me up. Some guy ran up to me and helped me up (unfortunately he was a bit too old for me) and gave the boys a speech.

I hope your injuries heal fast and thanx for the warning - I will make sure my legs stays shaved from now on

M

 
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