I feel so bad when I hear the stories of children having MD and I think itís so unfair. Why must anyone have any illness and why were we chosen?
No-one can answer that question and if someone tells me one more time that I was given MD because I can handle it Ė rubbish! Iím ďforcedĒ to handle it and I had no choice in the matter.
Iím concerned about myself lately as Iím experiencing soo much anger than I never had before. Maybe itís the fact that Iím turning 40 next month and my hormone is getting confused if Iím still young or getting old.
Iím not depressed (never been) and Iím not going to see a physiologist about this. Talking about this will not change the fact that I have MD and to pay someone to talk too I can rather spend the money on something healthy like chocolate.
Iíve been thinking to start making a difference in other peopleís lives and that way diverting my anger to compassions I can go e.g. to a drug rehab center and make them see that their lives is not to be wasted but to appreciate and respect their bodies like I wish I could.
Iím sure I can make a difference in 1 personís life?
In my dreams at night Iím always healthy. I can run and climb buildings but for some weird reason I tell myself ďhey you disabledĒ in my dream and I change to a disabled person again
I think about my MD at least once a day and I have to remind myself that I should be grateful and that I can still wash dishes and not let my two teenage boys attempt to wash a plate or glass without breaking it.
Sometimes I have to laugh at people that notice that Iím in a wheelchair or when I use the scooter and move over to get into my car and that in the driverís seat! Shocked expressions and disbelieve that I can drive.
Iíve had the pleasure to make people eat their words when I park in a disabled bay. Iíve been approached by esp. Elderly people that walk up to me and give me a speech about taking the place of a disabled person that needs it and then walk away
I look at them and smile arrogantly. This happens mostly at shopping centers. At some instances I ďwalkĒ by this person in the center turn around and smile again. The expression on their faces is priceless to say the least. (I know itís cruel but a girl has to have some fun right?)
I even overheard someone say that Iím too lazy to walk and use a scooter to get around. It is amazing how some people think.
I do have fun sometimes. My friend and I will go to a pub and when there I move over to a seat. My wheelchair gets placed away from the table so the sign of me being disabled isnít visible.
I can still flirt and itís a challenge for me to see if I can get a guy over to come and chat to me. I donít drink so Iím completely sober when doing so. There is interest from his side and we sit and talk for a while. I get asked out or even asked for my number.
I do not reveal the fact that Iím physically challenged. Later when itís time to return home my friend brings the wheelchair and I move over. I know what is going to happen and this guy is going to make a run for it. Well bingo
One day is one day that the guy will remain seated and still want my number and just maybe I will find someone that will look at my personality and not my body
So enough chit-chatting for now before I bore you and have a great day
(Anger over and out)
The following user gives a hug of support to mandy37: Dreaman (05-09-2012)
The Following User Says Thank You to mandy37 For This Useful Post: Dreaman (05-09-2012)
I agree with you about the kids. They are so precious and should not have to go through the things they do.
As for the comment ( you can handle it ) I too hate that statement and have come to figure out that the ones that say it have never gone through anything like we are.
I have never done anything to hurt my body - drugs, alchohol etc. I was always one of the good kids - which sometimes I think I should have really lived it up when I could have. Any way I always thought I was doing the right thing.
I still do think that but this is what I was dealt -Mild MD as a child -weak 20s and 30s (didn't know it was MD til I was late 20s after I had kids - my mother was in denial)-bad 40s and explodded in the 50s-1st child a miscarriage-2nd child ok -3rd has MD, 4th born with Cystic Fibrosis (this came out of know where) I was 24 - My dad died when I was 30 of heart attack he was 51. Daughter passed away after many years of illness in 1996 at age 19. This was May 13th -same day my mom had alcohol seisure and was put in the hospital same floor that my daughter had been in-intervention followed the next week. same week my mother-in-law passed away after a 2 month coma(aneurism) on May 16th.Then in 1997 father-in-law moved in with us-he passed away a year later in our home Lung disease - then on May 14th 2003 my husband, mom, brother and I were in an auto accident in South Carolina(brother driving)my mom was not wearing a seatbelt and was thrown out the back window and died - in 2008 this same brother died of a heart attack at age 58 - wow but I handled it ok?????? I'm sure I forgot some but you get the picture. We call may-13th to the 18th our week from hell!!!!
Oh and lets not forget speaking of children. My grandson born in 2006-has cerebral palsy-not birth defect-delivery gone wrong. Then in 2008 his mother (my 1st daughter)
was hit by a snowmobile driven by a 10 year old and almost died ( broken back,ribs and left arm, and messed up leg that eventually sent a clot to her lung that would not dissolve- had an operation in San diego in 2010-on lungs from that accident. She's ok so to speak but still messed up.
My daughter with CF figured out long ago -either you can laugh or you can cry and we chose laughter(at least most of the time).
As for the parking thing. I get the same thing - I can't get in and out of our car anymore by my self but I can walk(with 1 or 2 arm crutches) some distance and can do farely well if I have a cart to push. But people are still cruel-they usually don't see the crutch in the cart. And then you have the ones that will sit in their cars till you get out to see if you are handicapped. OMG Really????
Anyway-now I got my vent out for my May week from hell among other days. Even if no one reads this I feel better.
Mandy-thank you from one who understands and your posts certainly have helped me-there is nothing like someone who really understands.Especially the things that you think- am I the only one -like walking better bare foot etc.
Any way I hope I didn't ramble on too long - Later Dreaman
Hi Mandy I was only thinking the other day 'wonder how Mandy'is' then next time I check there you are!!
A big hug to you and Dreaman thats what I'd like to say and thank you for your posts, there is somekind of relief to know we aren't alone and have somewhere we can share our thoughts whether they be good or bad it helps. . . . . .
I'm from Montana, USA we are just starting our summer. I am looking forward to it as I don't like the cold, snow, and ice.
2807- I had a pen pal from Australia when I was about 10-it was a class project - she asked me about the cowboys and indians. I thought that was so funny. She thought I lived in the middle of a battle zone.
You are lucky not to have snow there. It is really neat to watch it fall but it is a nightmare to go out in. For the most part I don't. Good that it is only about three months the rest of the time it is ok.
There is alot to see here. It will be interesting to hear about their trip and where they went. Let me know if they need any info - most is probably on the internet but just thought I would throw it out there. I guess the boys will have to take lots of pics for you.