I'm sorry that you have lost so much, but (no offense meant here) you're probably better off without your wife.
I am in my early 30's, and started having nerve pain 9-10 yrs ago. Nobody could explain it.. over the last year or so (for whatever reason) things got a lot worse. So I went to my doctor. She told me I had Neuropathy, and put me on Neurontin. However, it didn't help. So she sent me to a Neurologist.. I was put on Topamax, then Elavil.. and then some muscle relaxer, for growing muscle pain. She did try to find out the reason behind my problem, but she was unable to come up with anything.. in fact, she said I had something called "Polymyalgia Rheumatica", but I was very cynical about that. Her last resort (even after 2 MRI's, and various other tests) was to send me to an allergist... after that, she was going to refer me to a rheumatologist.
Have you tried to find out what is causing your PN? This is just my opinion, but if they find out the root cause of it, maybe they can get you better medication, so that you'll be in less pain?
I am no longer on Topamax. It stopped working. And the Elavil just hurt my sides when I took it. I did find out I had a very low iron count, which (according to an ER doctor) would cause some of my symptoms. I also found out I had thyroid nodules, and had one removed- I believe some thyroid conditions might cause of my symptoms as well. However, after explaining all of my health issues to some people, they suggested being tested for Lyme Disease. I found myself a Lyme Literate MD, and was tested through Igenex. It turns out I do have Lyme, and I've been undergoing abx treatment since May. I still have all my PN symptoms, but I've had Lyme for some time I think, so it might be awhile before I see real change.
I really hope you start feeling better soon. Do you trust your doctor? Do you think s/he is doing all they can for you? If you're not on the right meds, you really should ask him/her to try something else. I was on 25mg a day of Topamax to start, and actually I felt SO much better- the pains in my arms went away. I tried to bump up to 50mg a day when I got used to the lower dose, and unfortunately my body couldn't handle it. But you never know- maybe something like that would click for you?
Good luck!