Eating disorder, health, and cravings ?
After a traumatic event, my diet changed. (I had stomach pain and insomnia, so it's not like I chose to change my diet.. it just kind of happened) and now it's been a while, and I'm really not feeling well and almost certain it's because of my diet. The problem is, I always slip back into it. I cut my portions down to absurdly tiny amounts, I fast, and I eat mainly milk products BECAUSE:
1. I crave milk products. Icy drinks that are milky (not fattening though), froyo, skim milk, ice cream, gellato, you name it. I'll crave them at least 100 times a day, and even though I craved them 100+ times I did make sure not to give in, in case the milk products were CAUSING my health problems, but there wasn't a noticeable difference. In fact, I seem to feel better when I give into them, but it worries me because come every single meal of the day, my body wants to choose the milk product and never solid food.
2. Many solid foods make my stomach hurt. Also, I get uncomfortable after eating normal amounts (especially of regular food) (for example, I would not be able to finish a small salad, and out of every place that sells sandwiches, the place that sells the smallest ones? Their smallest one would practically kill me if someone told me to eat it. I wasn't like this before the traumatic event).
3. The thing that seems to help my insomnia best is literally starving myself. I counted the hours, and if I don't eat for 20 hours, that's when I sleep best and my stomach bothers me the least.
I don't know what to do. When I try to go back to a normal diet I feel much worse, BUT I feel sick very often as it is. I'm only 20 years old and I've always been very healthy (exercise regularly, very rarely drink and when I do it's small amounts, limit my caffeine consumption, don't drink soda or juice or much sugar besides the milk products as of late) except that I'm underweight and now more underweight than I used to be. That's another slight problem is I'm afraid to gain weight even though I'm under, because I have low self-esteem and I hate my proportions and for some reason look awful at an even close to normal weight even though I work out a lot.